Guest guest Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 Dear All, The update on my Chandi-date... Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, I could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look at them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish smile on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood. Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of her promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ... I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself but cannot stop the compulsion... I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take him 20 years... Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. The key is in relaxed and optimal effort. So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before committing to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway? I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has killed the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " I go to sleep. Nov 19th :- I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and the bhav is missing. What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between episodes to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough to get through the chant? And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier to manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through the entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then another ... I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add up. I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted to stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" and it adds up . The chapters fly past. I am a happy camper today. Nov 20th :- . The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot resist the "Survivor" today. I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt at all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . I go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep. The respect for the chanting is missing. Nov 21st : - I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I just go by the rules. And the rules include 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is absolutely essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa include taking email breaks ? 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it is worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting like them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I dont start it. 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take care of themselves. I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am happy - I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by them. I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more for having done that. I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week to respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest of my life. My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to my chanting... I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover for 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or boast about it.. It is transforming.. Thank you Maa. Love Latha , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 days > to go > > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right > with the world and I am chanting" > > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go. > > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3 > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a climax > scene out of a movie. > > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful folks > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out of > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa > and Swami asking for their blessings. > > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - > Chanting hasnt been this good. > > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far. > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am > back home. > > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe. > > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang with > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , get > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand. > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami or > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either. > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked nose, > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing. > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. Its > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday . > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the > alarm at 4 am. > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, no > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life depends > on it. > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi. > > Nov 15 - > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid temptations > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa > tapping Parvati's back" > > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech > stocks went down and he is now scavenging .... > > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, it > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami. > > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk with > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. > > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC , > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. > Grr.. > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...." > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating > moments later he says > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa" > Yippeeee! > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires" > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA! > I go back and complete the Chandi. > > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God, > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I > offer it to You. > > Hasta la vista. > > Love > Latha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 Namaste Latha, Thank you so much for sharing your journal with us. It is very pertinent to me. I've been experimenting with the Savitri Gayatri and have found that it takes me about 20 minutes to chant one mala. Not good! There's no way I'm going to have time to chant ten malas a day for 125 continuous days. At this pace, ten malas a day equals about 3 & a half hours a day of japa. I am chanting one mala a day of the Savitri Gayatri and at this tortoise pace, I should have 125,000 reps completed in about 3 and a half YEARS! But this pace is more realistic. Hurrah and kudos to you for even attempting the whole Chandi everyday for six months! Astraea , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > > The update on my Chandi-date... > > Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... > > Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, I > could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look at > them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish smile > on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood. > > Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of her > promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I > complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and > could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ... > > I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my > email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am > checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself > but cannot stop the compulsion... > > I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how > long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it > would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how > long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take him > 20 years... > > Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. The > key is in relaxed and optimal effort. > > So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have > done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before committing > to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway? > > I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. > Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has killed > the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All > the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need > to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " I > go to sleep. > > Nov 19th :- > > I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. > And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a > sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many > breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and > the bhav is missing. > > What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . > Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between episodes > to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough to > get through the chant? > > And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single > step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier to > manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the > entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through the > entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then > another ... > > I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned > about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start > small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add > up. > > I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted to > stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" > > and it adds up . The chapters fly past. > > I am a happy camper today. > > > Nov 20th :- . > > The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the > TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to > temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot > resist the "Survivor" today. > > I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the > conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt at > all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . I > go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep. > > The respect for the chanting is missing. > > Nov 21st : - > > I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant > the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I > just go by the rules. > > And the rules include > 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is absolutely > essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa > include taking email breaks ? > 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it is > worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting like > them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up > in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I > dont start it. > 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the > next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take > care of themselves. > > > I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's > parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am happy - > I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by > them. > > I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have > taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more for > having done that. > > I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this > should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week to > respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest > of my life. > > My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to my > chanting... > > I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover for > 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or > boast about it.. > > It is transforming.. > > Thank you Maa. > Love > Latha > > > > , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> > wrote: > > Dear All, > > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 > days > > to go > > > > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) > > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right > > with the world and I am chanting" > > > > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go. > > > > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3 > > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a > climax > > scene out of a movie. > > > > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful > folks > > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out > of > > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa > > and Swami asking for their blessings. > > > > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir > > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters > > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And > > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - > > Chanting hasnt been this good. > > > > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far. > > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the > > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am > > back home. > > > > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe > > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe. > > > > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out > > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook > > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks > > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to > > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang > with > > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my > > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , > get > > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand. > > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too > > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami > or > > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either. > > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked > nose, > > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of > > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing. > > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle > > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. > Its > > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . > > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday . > > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will > > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I > > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the > > alarm at 4 am. > > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, > no > > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp > > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life > depends > > on it. > > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi. > > > > Nov 15 - > > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid > temptations > > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting > > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell > > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa > > tapping Parvati's back" > > > > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the > > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had > > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech > > stocks went down and he is now scavenging .... > > > > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it > > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take > > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I > > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and > > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, > it > > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would > > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami. > > > > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes > > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk > with > > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. > > > > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC , > > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. > > Grr.. > > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada > > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...." > > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating > > moments later he says > > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa" > > Yippeeee! > > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires" > > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA! > > I go back and complete the Chandi. > > > > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God, > > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I > > offer it to You. > > > > Hasta la vista. > > > > Love > > Latha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2003 Report Share Posted November 21, 2003 Latha Nanda, I love you! And I truly appreciate your sharing the intimate details of your sadhana and your sankalpa. It is a help to me and I am sure that it will help others also. I always had a fear of taking a sankalpa. It seemed better to not take the vow at all than to take it and fail. The only time I took a sankalpa would be just for a particular sitting... to chant a puja or Path or other scriptures... and to not move and stay focused. But I never took a sankalpa for a period of time. This does not mean that I did not follow daily sadhana, I have been doing sadhana for 40 years; but I never wanted to promise in advance that I would stay the course with a particular sadhana. Then one year, when I was going to the Devi Mandir every weekend and every Hindu holy day, it was time for Navaratri. I decided that it was time to take a sankalpa. I vowed to take no food or liquids other than water or fruit juice for ten days. I had just started a job as a bookkeeper in an office that happened to be over a deli. Everyday I could smell the food as it came out the oven below. My mind would say "that smells like lasagna, smells good" but I would feel no desire. When I got home from work I would go right to my altar and do puja. Then I would chant everything I had... the Lalita Trishati Stotram, the Devi Gita, the Chandi, the Guru Gita. I would chant from 5:30 until midnight or 2:00 or 3:00 am. I was filled with joy. I had never been happier in my life. What I discovered during my sankalpa was how much time and energy I usually spent thinking about food, desiring food, planning shopping trips for food, planning what I would cook or thinking about restaurants where I would like to eat. Then there was the time and energy actually carrying out these plans. Then there was the discomfort from eating too much or the guilt about eating inappropriate foods. The fast freed me from all this. I felt very light and energetic. But I am convinced that it wasn't just the fast; it was the sankalpa. After ten days of no food, just water and a little fruit juice, I had full energy. It was only in the last 20 mintes before we were going to break the fast that I suddenly felt tired and a little weak. Durga told me to go tell Maa that I had kept the fast. (Since I am somewhat overweight, Durga thought it was a "miracle"). I went to Maa and told her that I had completed the fast. She looked me in the eyes and said "It was your faith and devotion that made it possible". She asked me to write about the fast and give her my description of the experience which I did. Swamiji always keeps the complete fast. He doesn't even take liquids. His example and Maa's purity kept me going. Maybe I am ready for another sankalpa! As you keep your sankalpa, be encouraged by those who have gone before. You don't have to be "perfect" in keeping your sankalpa. You only can do the best that you can in each moment. You don't need to get an e-mail from Maa and Swamiji to know that their love and blessings are always with all of us. That's why they are here. To spread their Teachings, Love and Blessings to all of humanity. I also send my love and blessings to all, Ardis Latha Nanda <lathananda Nov 21, 2003 3:08 PM Diary of a Sankalpa. - Nov 18 - 21 <html><body> <tt> Dear All,<BR> <BR> The update on my Chandi-date...<BR> <BR> Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... <BR> <BR> Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, I <BR> could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look at <BR> them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish smile <BR> on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood.<BR> <BR> Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of her <BR> promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I <BR> complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and <BR> could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ...<BR> <BR> I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my <BR> email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am <BR> checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself <BR> but cannot stop the compulsion...<BR> <BR> I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how <BR> long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it <BR> would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how <BR> long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take him <BR> 20 years...<BR> <BR> Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. The <BR> key is in relaxed and optimal effort.<BR> <BR> So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have <BR> done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before committing <BR> to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway?<BR> <BR> I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. <BR> Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has killed <BR> the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All <BR> the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need <BR> to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " I <BR> go to sleep.<BR> <BR> Nov 19th :- <BR> <BR> I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. <BR> And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a <BR> sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many <BR> breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and <BR> the bhav is missing.<BR> <BR> What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . <BR> Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between episodes <BR> to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough to <BR> get through the chant?<BR> <BR> And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single <BR> step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier to <BR> manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the <BR> entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through the <BR> entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then <BR> another ... <BR> <BR> I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned <BR> about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start <BR> small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add <BR> up.<BR> <BR> I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted to <BR> stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" <BR> <BR> and it adds up . The chapters fly past.<BR> <BR> I am a happy camper today. <BR> <BR> <BR> Nov 20th :- .<BR> <BR> The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the <BR> TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to <BR> temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot <BR> resist the "Survivor" today. <BR> <BR> I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the <BR> conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt at <BR> all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . I <BR> go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep.<BR> <BR> The respect for the chanting is missing.<BR> <BR> Nov 21st : - <BR> <BR> I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant <BR> the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I <BR> just go by the rules.<BR> <BR> And the rules include<BR> 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is absolutely <BR> essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa <BR> include taking email breaks ?<BR> 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it is <BR> worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting like <BR> them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up <BR> in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I <BR> dont start it.<BR> 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the <BR> next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take <BR> care of themselves.<BR> <BR> <BR> I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's <BR> parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am happy -<BR> I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by <BR> them.<BR> <BR> I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have <BR> taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more for <BR> having done that.<BR> <BR> I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this <BR> should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week to <BR> respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest <BR> of my life.<BR> <BR> My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to my <BR> chanting... <BR> <BR> I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover for <BR> 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or <BR> boast about it..<BR> <BR> It is transforming..<BR> <BR> Thank you Maa.<BR> Love<BR> Latha<BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> <BR> wrote:<BR> > Dear All,<BR> > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 <BR> days <BR> > to go<BR> > <BR> > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) <BR> > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right <BR> > with the world and I am chanting"<BR> > <BR> > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go.<BR> > <BR> > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3 <BR> > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a <BR> climax <BR> > scene out of a movie.<BR> > <BR> > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful <BR> folks <BR> > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out <BR> of <BR> > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa <BR> > and Swami asking for their blessings.<BR> > <BR> > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir <BR> > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters <BR> > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And <BR> > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - <BR> > Chanting hasnt been this good.<BR> > <BR> > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far. <BR> > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the <BR> > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am <BR> > back home.<BR> > <BR> > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe <BR> > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe.<BR> > <BR> > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out <BR> > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook <BR> > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks <BR> > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to <BR> > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang <BR> with <BR> > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my <BR> > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , <BR> get <BR> > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand.<BR> > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too <BR> > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami <BR> or <BR> > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either.<BR> > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked <BR> nose, <BR> > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of <BR> > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing.<BR> > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle <BR> > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. <BR> Its <BR> > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . <BR> > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday .<BR> > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will <BR> > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I <BR> > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the <BR> > alarm at 4 am.<BR> > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, <BR> no <BR> > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp <BR> > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life <BR> depends <BR> > on it. <BR> > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi.<BR> > <BR> > Nov 15 -<BR> > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid <BR> temptations <BR> > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting <BR> > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell <BR> > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa <BR> > tapping Parvati's back"<BR> > <BR> > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the <BR> > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had <BR> > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech <BR> > stocks went down and he is now scavenging ....<BR> > <BR> > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it <BR> > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take <BR> > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I <BR> > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and <BR> > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, <BR> it <BR> > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would <BR> > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami.<BR> > <BR> > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes <BR> > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk <BR> with <BR> > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. <BR> > <BR> > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC , <BR> > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. <BR> > Grr..<BR> > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada <BR> > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ....."<BR> > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating <BR> > moments later he says<BR> > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa"<BR> > Yippeeee!<BR> > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires"<BR> > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA!<BR> > I go back and complete the Chandi.<BR> > <BR> > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God, <BR> > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I <BR> > offer it to You.<BR> > <BR> > Hasta la vista.<BR> > <BR> > Love<BR> > Latha<BR> <BR> <BR> </tt> <br> <!-- |**|begin egp html banner|**| --> <table border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFCC> <td align=center><font size="-1" color=#003399><b> Sponsor</b></font></td> </tr> <tr bgcolor=#FFFFFF> <td align=center width=470><table border=0 cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0> <tr> <td align=center><font face=arial size=-2></font><br><a href="http://rd./SIG=12cukr0cg/M=267637.4116732.5333197.1261774/D=egrou\ pweb/S=1705075991:HM/EXP=1069543589/A=1853618/R=0/*http://www.netflix.com/Defaul\ t?mqso=60178338&partid=4116732" alt=""><img src=" " alt="click here" width="300" height="250" border="0"></a></td></tr></table> </td> </tr> <tr><td><img alt="" width=1 height=1 src="http://us.adserver./l?M=267637.4116732.5333197.1261774/D=egroupmai\ l/S=:HM/A=1853618/rand=361823110"></td></tr> </table> <!-- |**|end egp html banner|**| --> <br> <tt> <BR> <BR> <BR> </tt> <br> <br> <tt><a href=""> Terms of Service</a>.</tt> </br> </body></html> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 22, 2003 Report Share Posted November 22, 2003 Good for you, Latha! Chris , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > > The update on my Chandi-date... > > Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... > > Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, I > could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look at > them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish smile > on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood. > > Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of her > promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I > complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and > could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ... > > I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my > email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am > checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself > but cannot stop the compulsion... > > I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how > long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it > would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how > long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take him > 20 years... > > Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. The > key is in relaxed and optimal effort. > > So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have > done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before committing > to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway? > > I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. > Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has killed > the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All > the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need > to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " I > go to sleep. > > Nov 19th :- > > I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. > And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a > sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many > breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and > the bhav is missing. > > What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . > Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between episodes > to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough to > get through the chant? > > And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single > step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier to > manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the > entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through the > entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then > another ... > > I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned > about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start > small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add > up. > > I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted to > stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" > > and it adds up . The chapters fly past. > > I am a happy camper today. > > > Nov 20th :- . > > The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the > TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to > temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot > resist the "Survivor" today. > > I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the > conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt at > all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . I > go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep. > > The respect for the chanting is missing. > > Nov 21st : - > > I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant > the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I > just go by the rules. > > And the rules include > 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is absolutely > essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa > include taking email breaks ? > 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it is > worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting like > them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up > in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I > dont start it. > 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the > next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take > care of themselves. > > > I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's > parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am happy - > I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by > them. > > I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have > taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more for > having done that. > > I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this > should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week to > respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest > of my life. > > My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to my > chanting... > > I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover for > 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or > boast about it.. > > It is transforming.. > > Thank you Maa. > Love > Latha > > > > , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> > wrote: > > Dear All, > > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 > days > > to go > > > > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) > > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right > > with the world and I am chanting" > > > > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go. > > > > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3 > > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a > climax > > scene out of a movie. > > > > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful > folks > > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out > of > > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa > > and Swami asking for their blessings. > > > > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir > > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters > > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And > > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - > > Chanting hasnt been this good. > > > > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far. > > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the > > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am > > back home. > > > > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe > > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe. > > > > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out > > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook > > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks > > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to > > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang > with > > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my > > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , > get > > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand. > > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too > > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami > or > > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either. > > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked > nose, > > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of > > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing. > > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle > > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. > Its > > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . > > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday . > > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will > > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I > > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the > > alarm at 4 am. > > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, > no > > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp > > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life > depends > > on it. > > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi. > > > > Nov 15 - > > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid > temptations > > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting > > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell > > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa > > tapping Parvati's back" > > > > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the > > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had > > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech > > stocks went down and he is now scavenging .... > > > > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it > > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take > > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I > > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and > > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, > it > > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would > > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami. > > > > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes > > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk > with > > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. > > > > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC , > > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. > > Grr.. > > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada > > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...." > > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating > > moments later he says > > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa" > > Yippeeee! > > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires" > > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA! > > I go back and complete the Chandi. > > > > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God, > > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I > > offer it to You. > > > > Hasta la vista. > > > > Love > > Latha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2003 Report Share Posted November 23, 2003 Hi Dear Latha, I think it is wonderful that you are establishing your relationship with Chandi-Ma, and with such complete honesty. Such a relationship can only grow and deepen, when you put that foundation of trust. Who knows then how you will begin to see and know yourself? Jai Maa! Jai Latha-Ma! Love Nitya , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > > The update on my Chandi-date... > > Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... > > Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, I > could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look at > them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish smile > on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood. > > Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of her > promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I > complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and > could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ... > > I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my > email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am > checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself > but cannot stop the compulsion... > > I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how > long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it > would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how > long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take him > 20 years... > > Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. The > key is in relaxed and optimal effort. > > So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have > done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before committing > to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway? > > I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. > Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has killed > the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All > the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need > to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " I > go to sleep. > > Nov 19th :- > > I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. > And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a > sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many > breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and > the bhav is missing. > > What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . > Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between episodes > to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough to > get through the chant? > > And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single > step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier to > manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the > entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through the > entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then > another ... > > I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned > about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start > small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add > up. > > I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted to > stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" > > and it adds up . The chapters fly past. > > I am a happy camper today. > > > Nov 20th :- . > > The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the > TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to > temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot > resist the "Survivor" today. > > I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the > conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt at > all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . I > go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep. > > The respect for the chanting is missing. > > Nov 21st : - > > I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant > the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I > just go by the rules. > > And the rules include > 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is absolutely > essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa > include taking email breaks ? > 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it is > worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting like > them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up > in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I > dont start it. > 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the > next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take > care of themselves. > > > I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's > parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am happy - > I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by > them. > > I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have > taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more for > having done that. > > I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this > should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week to > respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest > of my life. > > My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to my > chanting... > > I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover for > 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or > boast about it.. > > It is transforming.. > > Thank you Maa. > Love > Latha > > > > , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> > wrote: > > Dear All, > > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 > days > > to go > > > > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) > > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right > > with the world and I am chanting" > > > > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go. > > > > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3 > > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a > climax > > scene out of a movie. > > > > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful > folks > > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out > of > > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa > > and Swami asking for their blessings. > > > > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir > > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters > > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And > > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - > > Chanting hasnt been this good. > > > > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far. > > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the > > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am > > back home. > > > > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe > > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe. > > > > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out > > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook > > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks > > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to > > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang > with > > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my > > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , > get > > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand. > > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too > > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami > or > > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either. > > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked > nose, > > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of > > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing. > > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle > > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. > Its > > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . > > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday . > > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will > > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I > > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the > > alarm at 4 am. > > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, > no > > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp > > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life > depends > > on it. > > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi. > > > > Nov 15 - > > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid > temptations > > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting > > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell > > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa > > tapping Parvati's back" > > > > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the > > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had > > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech > > stocks went down and he is now scavenging .... > > > > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it > > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take > > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I > > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and > > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, > it > > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would > > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami. > > > > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes > > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk > with > > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. > > > > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC , > > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. > > Grr.. > > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada > > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...." > > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating > > moments later he says > > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa" > > Yippeeee! > > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires" > > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA! > > I go back and complete the Chandi. > > > > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God, > > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I > > offer it to You. > > > > Hasta la vista. > > > > Love > > Latha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2003 Report Share Posted November 23, 2003 Astraea, You'll get better with time and effort. Japa of Savitri Gayatri is well worth the effort. Chris , "astraea2003" <astraea2003> wrote: > Namaste Latha, > Thank you so much for sharing your journal with us. It is very > pertinent to me. I've been experimenting with the Savitri Gayatri and > have found that it takes me about 20 minutes to chant one mala. Not > good! There's no way I'm going to have time to chant ten malas a day > for 125 continuous days. At this pace, ten malas a day equals about 3 > & a half hours a day of japa. > > I am chanting one mala a day of the Savitri Gayatri and at this > tortoise pace, I should have 125,000 reps completed in about 3 and a > half YEARS! But this pace is more realistic. > > Hurrah and kudos to you for even attempting the whole Chandi everyday > for six months! > > Astraea > > , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> > wrote: > > Dear All, > > > > The update on my Chandi-date... > > > > Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore... > > > > Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener, > I > > could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look > at > > them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish > smile > > on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood. > > > > Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of > her > > promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I > > complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and > > could use the break and while I take it why not check my email ... > > > > I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my > > email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am > > checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself > > but cannot stop the compulsion... > > > > I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how > > long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it > > would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how > > long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take > him > > 20 years... > > > > Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough. > The > > key is in relaxed and optimal effort. > > > > So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I have > > done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before > committing > > to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway? > > > > I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days. > > Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has > killed > > the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All > > the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need > > to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I promise " > I > > go to sleep. > > > > Nov 19th :- > > > > I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters. > > And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a > > sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many > > breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up OK and > > the bhav is missing. > > > > What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes . > > Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between > episodes > > to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough > to > > get through the chant? > > > > And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a > single > > step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is easier > to > > manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the > > entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through > the > > entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then > > another ... > > > > I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned > > about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start > > small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add > > up. > > > > I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted > to > > stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time" > > > > and it adds up . The chapters fly past. > > > > I am a happy camper today. > > > > > > Nov 20th :- . > > > > The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the > > TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to > > temptation . I resisted "The Bachelor" yesterday but cannot > > resist the "Survivor" today. > > > > I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the > > conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt > at > > all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? . > I > > go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep. > > > > The respect for the chanting is missing. > > > > Nov 21st : - > > > > I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant > > the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I > > just go by the rules. > > > > And the rules include > > 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is > absolutely > > essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa > > include taking email breaks ? > > 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it > is > > worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting > like > > them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up > > in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I > > dont start it. > > 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the > > next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take > > care of themselves. > > > > > > I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's > > parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am > happy - > > I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by > > them. > > > > I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have > > taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more > for > > having done that. > > > > I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this > > should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week > to > > respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest > > of my life. > > > > My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to > my > > chanting... > > > > I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to cover > for > > 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make light of it or > > boast about it.. > > > > It is transforming.. > > > > Thank you Maa. > > Love > > Latha > > > > > > > > , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> > > wrote: > > > Dear All, > > > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 > > days > > > to go > > > > > > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?) > > > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all > right > > > with the world and I am chanting" > > > > > > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go. > > > > > > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, > 3 > > > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a > > climax > > > scene out of a movie. > > > > > > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful > > folks > > > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out > > of > > > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to > Maa > > > and Swami asking for their blessings. > > > > > > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the > Mandir > > > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters > > > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And > > > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool - > > > Chanting hasnt been this good. > > > > > > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so > far. > > > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the > > > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am > > > back home. > > > > > > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe > > > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe. > > > > > > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out > > > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do > cook > > > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks > > > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to > > > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang > > with > > > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my > > > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , > > get > > > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand. > > > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too > > > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from > Swami > > or > > > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either. > > > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked > > nose, > > > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of > > > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. > Nothing. > > > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle > > > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. > > Its > > > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm . > > > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday . > > > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will > > > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I > > > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the > > > alarm at 4 am. > > > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash > nothing, > > no > > > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the > lamp > > > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life > > depends > > > on it. > > > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi. > > > > > > Nov 15 - > > > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid > > temptations > > > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am > sitting > > > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally > tell > > > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa > > > tapping Parvati's back" > > > > > > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of > the > > > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he > had > > > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech > > > stocks went down and he is now scavenging .... > > > > > > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it > > > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will > take > > > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I > > > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and > > > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, > > it > > > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still > would > > > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami. > > > > > > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes > > > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk > > with > > > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart. > > > > > > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the > PC , > > > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet. > > > Grr.. > > > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. > Sarada > > > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...." > > > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating > > > moments later he says > > > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa" > > > Yippeeee! > > > And then he said "she just said to not have any desires" > > > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU > MAA! > > > I go back and complete the Chandi. > > > > > > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. > God, > > > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all > I > > > offer it to You. > > > > > > Hasta la vista. > > > > > > Love > > > Latha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.