Ardis - Trust/Sankalpa/Ramakrishna ..

November 22, 2003

Ardis,

Thank you for your love and blessings. You got it right - the

sankalpa doesnt have to be perfect , we just have to give it our

best . And take heart that the best will keep improving.

It is the intent that counts . As you have quoted Maa "It is the

faith and devotion that made it possible". Jai Maa !!! I remember

Maa and Swamiji translating "The Gospel of Ramakrishna" the other

night and telling a story about a man with tremendous faith in his

Guru - he was told that some seemingly impossible occurences needed

to happen before something good could happen to him. He trusted the

words implicitly and sure enough all the extraordinary events

happened like clock work. I can still see Maa clapping her hands with

glee when she described all the events.

When you Trust, looks like Nature will bend over backwards to make

something happen for you.

My good wishes and prayers for your next sankalpa.

Latha

, Ardis Jackson <anandamama@e...>

wrote:

> Latha Nanda,

>

> I love you! And I truly appreciate your sharing the intimate

details of your sadhana and your sankalpa. It is a help to me and I

am sure that it will help others also.

>

> I always had a fear of taking a sankalpa. It seemed better to not

take the vow at all than to take it and fail.

>

> The only time I took a sankalpa would be just for a particular

sitting... to chant a puja or Path or other scriptures... and to not

move and stay focused. But I never took a sankalpa for a period of

time. This does not mean that I did not follow daily sadhana, I have

been doing sadhana for 40 years; but I never wanted to promise in

advance that I would stay the course with a particular sadhana.

>

> Then one year, when I was going to the Devi Mandir every weekend

and every Hindu holy day, it was time for Navaratri. I decided that

it was time to take a sankalpa. I vowed to take no food or liquids

other than water or fruit juice for ten days.

>

> I had just started a job as a bookkeeper in an office that happened

to be over a deli. Everyday I could smell the food as it came out

the oven below. My mind would say "that smells like lasagna, smells

good" but I would feel no desire. When I got home from work I would

go right to my altar and do puja. Then I would chant everything I

had... the Lalita Trishati Stotram, the Devi Gita, the Chandi, the

Guru Gita. I would chant from 5:30 until midnight or 2:00 or 3:00

am. I was filled with joy. I had never been happier in my life.

>

> What I discovered during my sankalpa was how much time and energy I

usually spent thinking about food, desiring food, planning shopping

trips for food, planning what I would cook or thinking about

restaurants where I would like to eat. Then there was the time and

energy actually carrying out these plans. Then there was the

discomfort from eating too much or the guilt about eating

inappropriate foods. The fast freed me from all this. I felt very

light and energetic. But I am convinced that it wasn't just the

fast; it was the sankalpa. After ten days of no food, just water and

a little fruit juice, I had full energy. It was only in the last 20

mintes before we were going to break the fast that I suddenly felt

tired and a little weak. Durga told me to go tell Maa that I had kept

the fast. (Since I am somewhat overweight, Durga thought it was

a "miracle"). I went to Maa and told her that I had completed the

fast. She looked me in the eyes and said "It was your faith and

devotion that made it possible". She asked me to write about the

fast and give her my description of the experience which I did.

>

> Swamiji always keeps the complete fast. He doesn't even take

liquids. His example and Maa's purity kept me going.

>

> Maybe I am ready for another sankalpa!

>

> As you keep your sankalpa, be encouraged by those who have gone

before. You don't have to be "perfect" in keeping your sankalpa.

You only can do the best that you can in each moment. You don't need

to get an e-mail from Maa and Swamiji to know that their love and

blessings are always with all of us. That's why they are here. To

spread their Teachings, Love and Blessings to all of humanity.

>

> I also send my love and blessings to all,

>

> Ardis

>

> Latha Nanda <lathananda>

> Nov 21, 2003 3:08 PM

>

> Diary of a Sankalpa. - Nov 18 - 21

>

> <html><body>

>

> <tt>

> Dear All,

>

> The update on my Chandi-date...

>

> Executive summary :- I dont care for any bragging rights anymore...

>

> Nov 18th :- Amazing day - the sky looked bluer , the grass greener,

I

> could deal with some of the jerks at work and could actually look

at

> them compassionately (in my mind). I went around with a foolish

smile

> on my face ... I am ready to accept a sainthood.

>

> Then came the evening and my date with Chandi. I sat in front of

her

> promptly at 8 pm and started with great gusto. A half hour later I

> complete the prayog and then I break my asan - my feet are sore and

> could use the break and while I take it why not check my

email ...

>

> I take another break after the first episode ... and again check my

> email. This happens after the 2nd episode and pretty soon I am

> checking my email after every chapter... I am disgusted with myself

> but cannot stop the compulsion...

>

> I read a zen story on the web today . The student asks the Guru how

> long it would take him to master a technique. The Guru said that it

> would take 10 years. The student asks if he doubled his efforts how

> long would it take him then. The Guru replied that it would take

him

> 20 years...

>

> Moral of the story :- Sometimes extra effort alone is not enough.

The

> key is in relaxed and optimal effort.

>

> So I wonder "Have I bitten off more than I can chew . Should I

have

> done a 108 day effort or even a 10 day effort first before

committing

> to a 6 month race. Who am I trying to impress anyway?

>

> I chant - nowhere near the performance of the first few days.

> Clearly its not happening today. I go upto Chapter 8 - Maa has

killed

> the Seed of Desire and ready to work on Self Deprecation. Yawn. All

> the thoughts and guilt and frustration take their toll. I just need

> to crash. "I will come back to you tomorrow morning Maa I

promise " I

> go to sleep.

>

> Nov 19th :-

>

> I get up in the morning and race through the rest of the chapters.

> And head for work. Something is not quite right - I have taken a

> sankalpa but I am not following through with it properly . Too many

> breaks and finishing up in the morning ... it doesnt add up

OK and

> the bhav is missing.

>

> What's the deal with wanting to check my email every 2 minutes .

> Since when did a sankalpa include, taking a break in between

episodes

> to check email... Then again, why am I not feeling inspired enough

to

> get through the chant?

>

> And then it hits me "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a

single

> step" I am getting overwhelmed by the 3 hour window . It is

easier to

> manage 1 minute than 1 hour - easier to manage one word than the

> entire Chandi. So instead of telling myself I need to get through

the

> entire book, I will just chant one word, and then another and then

> another ...

>

> I feel lighter already. Someone (I think it was Kelly) mentioned

> about the common sense of the Chandi. Well there you are , start

> small ... one step at a time , one mantra at a time and it will add

> up.

>

> I sit in front of Her with renewed vigor. Everytime I feel tempted

to

> stop and daydream, I focus back "one word at a time"

>

> and it adds up . The chapters fly past.

>

> I am a happy camper today.

>

> Nov 20th :- .

>

> The last few days I have come home and not flopped in front of the

> TV. I have been mindful of the need to chant. Today I yield to

> temptation . I resisted "The

Bachelor" yesterday but cannot

> resist the "Survivor" today.

>

> I watch Survivor ... and stay back to watch Peter Jennings on the

> conspiracy behind JFK's death... It is 9.30. I dont have any guilt

at

> all - havent I got up in the mornings and finshed up my parayan? .

I

> go to my altar , put my pillow nearby and go to sleep.

>

> The respect for the chanting is missing.

>

> Nov 21st : -

>

> I am up at 5 AM. I evaluate my position . I need or need not chant

> the Chandi - it is my choice. However if I choose to do it then I

> just go by the rules.

>

> And the rules include

> 1) Dont get up in the middle of the chanting unless it is

absolutely

> essential (a bathroom break maybe) . But since when did a sankalpa

> include taking email breaks ?

> 2) Respect for the sankalpa - if something is worth doing then it

is

> worth doing well. I show respect to Maa and Swamiji by chanting

like

> them. No breaks. No chanting upto chapter 8 at night and getting up

> in the morning to finish the rest. I start it - I finish it. Else I

> dont start it.

> 3) If I feel tired and drowsy, I just chant the next word and the

> next and so on... Concentrate on the minute and the hours will take

> care of themselves.

>

> I start the Chandi. I want to make up for missing out last night's

> parayan. I am nowhere near the first day performance. But I am

happy -

> I have set down the rules that I want to follow and I am going by

> them.

>

> I finish 4 hrs later - I have certainly taken my time today. I have

> taken some steps towards improving myself and respect myself more

for

> having done that.

>

> I will do the 6 months ... but I am beginning to think that this

> should be a lifetime habit. Any process that can help me in 1 week

to

> respect myself more is surely good enough to hang onto for the rest

> of my life.

>

> My focus is now on improving the quality of the attention I pay to

my

> chanting...

>

> I dont want to brag about my sankalpa - "chanting cover to

cover for

> 6 months" anymore. It is too sacred for me to make

light of it or

> boast about it..

>

> It is transforming..

>

> Thank you Maa.

> Love

> Latha

>

> , "Latha Nanda"

lathananda

> wrote:

> > Dear All,

> > Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months

25

> days

> > to go

> >

> > For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?)

> > Executive summary - "God is his heaven and

everything is all right

> > with the world and I am chanting"

> >

> > For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you

go.

> >

> > I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine

straight, 3

> > verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a

> climax

> > scene out of a movie.

> >

> > Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you

wonderful

> folks

> > respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back

out

> of

> > a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to

Maa

> > and Swami asking for their blessings.

> >

> > Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the

Mandir

> > and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and

sisters

> > hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience .

And

> > another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently.

Cool -

> > Chanting hasnt been this good.

> >

> > One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so

far.

> > And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in

the

> > morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I

am

> > back home.

> >

> > Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell.

Maybe

> > thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email..

Maybe.

> >

> > Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns

out

> > terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do

cook

> > anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks

> > sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend

not to

> > understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" .

"The satsang

> with

> > Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left

Maa" - my

> > brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as

fast as I can ,

> get

> > directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand.

> > I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too

> > distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from

Swami

> or

> > Maa about blessing the sankalpa either.

> > I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked

> nose,

> > distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the

middle of

> > chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again.

Nothing.

> > I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt

settle

> > down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs .

Yawn.

> Its

> > been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30

pm .

> > Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of

yesterday .

> > All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" ,

"no one will

> > know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick

nap". I

> > compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set

the

> > alarm at 4 am.

> > 4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash

nothing,

> no

> > bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately,

light the lamp

> > and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life

> depends

> > on it.

> > Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi.

> >

> > Nov 15 -

> > I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid

> temptations

> > of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am

sitting

> > properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally

tell

> > myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back"

or even "Maa

> > tapping Parvati's back"

> >

> > I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of

the

> > posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that

he had

> > been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His

tech

> > stocks went down and he is now scavenging ....

> >

> > Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do

it

> > but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God

will take

> > care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to

worry" - I

> > keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi

and

> > Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite

devotedly,

> it

> > will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It

still would

> > be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and

Swami.

> >

> > Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati

comes

> > online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises

to talk

> with

> > Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart.

> >

> > Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the

PC ,

> > nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet.

> > Grr..

> > I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC.

Sarada

> > is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like

"And ...."

> > He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating

> > moments later he says

> > "Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa"

> > Yippeeee!

> > And then he said "she just said to not have any

desires"

> > Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU

MAA!

> > I go back and complete the Chandi.

> >

> > So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting.

God,

> > if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help

anyone at all I

> > offer it to You.

> >

> > Hasta la vista.

> >

> > Love

> > Latha

>

> </tt>

>

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