Guest guest Posted December 9, 2003 Report Share Posted December 9, 2003 Dear All, The headlines :- it is easy to start a sankalpa but so difficult to maintain one . I respect Vishnu - the maintainer of the universe more and more. Brahma - creates - aaah a 5 min job. Shiva - destroys - another minute. But to preserve and maintain and nurture .... Vishnu I bow down to you. The main story :- Dec 1st :- Yesterday was the day I looked at the couch and sank into it and fell asleep . Today was no better.. Dec 2nd :- I did the Chandi today mainly because I felt guilty as hell. Dec 3rd :- I did my normal morning Puja in the evening, did the Prayog of the Chandi and decided I had enough and gave up. Dec 4th :- Didnt do my morning puja .I go to my friends place and do a Ganesh Puja for her. Does that count? Can that cancel a Chandi? Came back home from work at about 6 pm and fell asleep at 6.30 in the evening . 6.30 in the evening !!!! I am so overwhelmed with what I have committed to that I cant even begin. Classic procrastination. I dont even have the commitment anymore to break into bite size pieces and handle one sloka at a time. Help ! Whats happening to me ? Dec 5th :- I am not even doing my 15 minute morning Siva Puja anymore. I am so frustrated with myself. I sit down and gather my thoughts ... I am a logical, scientific, reasoning , thorough person ... Let me analyze .. Why am I not keeping the commitment anymore? What are the factors that are hindering me ? and then Why do I want to do it in the first place? For what - for 15 mins of fame ? To brag all about it ? For What ? and what would it take for me to keep doing it ? Just a healthy dose of self discipline ? "Eyes not to meet the TV and butt not to meet the couch" as Brian said? Should I just sign up for an army boot camp and learn basic self discipline ? Or should I visualise (pretend is more correct) that my dearest beloved Chandi Maa is waiting for her most beloved daughter to come and chant for her ? Yeah right !!! Nothing is working. I dont do my puja or chant today. I am just a big pretender that has no sense of responsibility or commitment or discipline. Dec 6th :- I start for the Ashram. The weather reflects my mood - grey, sombre , clouded, overcast ... I feel so ashamed to go to the Ashram. I havent done anything remotely spiritual this week - one Chandi out of a required 5. Thats an 'F' in my book and I dont deserve to go and meet Maa. How could I even look into her eyes? What if she asks me how my sankalpa is doing ? I cant tell her to wait for my latest edition of my tell-all diary.. I keep driving ... only because I can atleast keep this sankalpa of being at the Mandir on available weekends . Into the winding roads and something overcomes me... "There is something inside you , some power inside you that knows you better than you know yourself and wants nothing but the best for you... Can you not sing and chant and pray to that that ....thing that wishes you nothing but the best ?" Suddenly , I am OK. Its OK. I havent chanted - its OK . I am not going to keep the score of how many make-up Chandis I need to do. This is my private ritual between me and the most dearest beloved soul that wishes me the best . What wouldnt I do for that person ? Is this love? Swamiji said that it will be a chore no more when you fall in love. I dont know what it is but I enter the Mandir gates with a light heart. Maa asks me to do the evening Arati . I give it my best and break a coupla bells ( for real - ask the eye witnesses if you dont believe. hope i dont have to replace 'em) in the process . I chanted today peacefully and cheerfully. Dec 7th :- The effects of 1 week of non-sadhana are immediately visible, regardless of my new found tenderness for a love within. I am blaming outside sources for problems , I dont have the inner peace to live and let live, I am reacting to situations, I am not being tolerant. Aha - you leave your practice , you become more toxic. He who rides the tiger cannot dismount. Like bingeing after a diet. This morning the chanting was INCREDIBLE. Swamiji surprised us by doing a Chandi recitation. There were others that had already started. But Swamiji .... is well like no other. He musta been chanting 10 verses to the breath , and although I was in a different part of the text I must have chanted twice as much faster. Talk about resonance. At one point, the Mandir sounded like a rock concert - bells clanging, voices yelling but the bhava was thrilling. Jai Swamiji. In the evening we chant the Gayatri Sahasranam. A beautiful piece of poetry. Imagine the power of a single mantra that transformed the worldly Vishwarath to the holy Vishwamitra. I come back home in the night . I know now that I can keep up my sankalpa. I had to let it go for a while to know that I love it too much. The procrastination, indiscipline disappeared when I realised its value. 3 hrs a day to chant .......oh pooh ... a SMALL price to pay !!! Like Swamiji once said "Just try it and fall in love" Love Latha PS :- How do you like "Finding Nemo" ? Just wanted to see how many people read my diary and made it all the way here ) If you came this far, please write back to me (not flood the forum) and say 'Hi' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2003 Report Share Posted December 10, 2003 Dear Latha, Shame, guilt, and procrastination is a vicious cycle of inner torment that I know a great deal about. I frequently suffer from it myself. Each time, it takes an act of will to turn around and face Mother directly once again. With mind and heart, I prostrate at her feet, expressing my anguish and asking for her help. Each time she forgives and receives me as her own child again. Again, my heart throbs to the sweet vibrations of her pure love for me. She always forgives, always knows, and always loves me. How can I not love her who gives me everything, especially that love which is our most intimate connection? Even the easiest of sadhanas is difficult. You have chosen a highly challenging one for a beginner in our busy world. Try not to be too hard on yourself when you stumble. The mind is very powerful and often contrary to the discipline of sadhana. As Swamiji has told you, love alone will bring the sweetness of the divine to your lips as they chant. Protect, cultivate, and nurture the love you feel with constant prayer, as if it were a small and helpless creature, and soon it will grow strong enough that nothing in this world can remove it from your heart. It is a good point that you make to yourself. Three hours a day is not so very much, especially as an investment in your future, and in the future of all of those you will one day help to find their own way. Though I don't give it the importance in my own life it deserves, sadhana is the most important activity we can engage in in life. I know your heart will bloom with love as large and beautiful as a dinner-plate dahlia in the heat of the summer sun. If I may make a small suggestion, instead of not keeping track of your missed Chandis, why not simply tack them on the end, so that even though you may have stumbled occasionally and missed some days, at least you will have completed the entire number of recitations. You'll run over your time, but so what? This way you can relax a little, and do your best. I haven't seen it. Chris , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > > The headlines :- it is easy to start a sankalpa but so difficult to > maintain one . I respect Vishnu - the maintainer of the universe more > and more. Brahma - creates - aaah a 5 min job. Shiva - destroys - > another minute. But to preserve and maintain and nurture .... Vishnu > I bow down to you. > > The main story :- > > Dec 1st :- Yesterday was the day I looked at the couch and sank into > it and fell asleep . > > Today was no better.. > > Dec 2nd :- I did the Chandi today mainly because I felt guilty as > hell. > > Dec 3rd :- I did my normal morning Puja in the evening, did the > Prayog of the Chandi and decided I had enough and gave up. > > Dec 4th :- Didnt do my morning puja .I go to my friends place and do > a Ganesh Puja for her. Does that count? Can that cancel a Chandi? > > Came back home from work at about 6 pm and fell asleep at 6.30 in the > evening . 6.30 in the evening !!!! > > I am so overwhelmed with what I have committed to that I cant even > begin. Classic procrastination. I dont even have the commitment > anymore to break into bite size pieces and handle one sloka at a > time. > > Help ! Whats happening to me ? > > Dec 5th :- I am not even doing my 15 minute morning Siva Puja > anymore. > > I am so frustrated with myself. I sit down and gather my thoughts ... > > I am a logical, scientific, reasoning , thorough person ... Let me > analyze .. > > Why am I not keeping the commitment anymore? > What are the factors that are hindering me ? > > and then > > Why do I want to do it in the first place? For what - for 15 mins of > fame ? To brag all about it ? For What ? > > and > > what would it take for me to keep doing it ? Just a healthy dose of > self discipline ? "Eyes not to meet the TV and butt not to meet the > couch" as Brian said? > > Should I just sign up for an army boot camp and learn basic self > discipline ? > > Or should I visualise (pretend is more correct) that my dearest > beloved Chandi Maa is waiting for her most beloved daughter to come > and chant for her ? Yeah right !!! > > Nothing is working. > > I dont do my puja or chant today. I am just a big pretender that has > no sense of responsibility or commitment or discipline. > > Dec 6th :- I start for the Ashram. The weather reflects my mood - > grey, sombre , clouded, overcast ... > > I feel so ashamed to go to the Ashram. I havent done anything > remotely spiritual this week - one Chandi out of a required 5. Thats > an 'F' in my book and I dont deserve to go and meet Maa. How could I > even look into her eyes? What if she asks me how my sankalpa is > doing ? I cant tell her to wait for my latest edition of my tell- all > diary.. > > I keep driving ... only because I can atleast keep this sankalpa of > being at the Mandir on available weekends . > > Into the winding roads and something overcomes me... "There is > something inside you , some power inside you that knows you better > than you know yourself and wants nothing but the best for you... Can > you not sing and chant and pray to that that ....thing that wishes > you nothing but the best ?" > > Suddenly , I am OK. Its OK. I havent chanted - its OK . I am not > going to keep the score of how many make-up Chandis I need to do. > This is my private ritual between me and the most dearest beloved > soul that wishes me the best . What wouldnt I do for that person ? > > Is this love? Swamiji said that it will be a chore no more when you > fall in love. > > I dont know what it is but I enter the Mandir gates with a light > heart. > > Maa asks me to do the evening Arati . I give it my best and break a > coupla bells ( for real - ask the eye witnesses if you dont believe. > hope i dont have to replace 'em) in the process . > > I chanted today peacefully and cheerfully. > > Dec 7th :- The effects of 1 week of non-sadhana are immediately > visible, regardless of my new found tenderness for a love within. > I am blaming outside sources for problems , I dont have the inner > peace to live and let live, I am reacting to situations, I am not > being tolerant. > > Aha - you leave your practice , you become more toxic. He who rides > the tiger cannot dismount. Like bingeing after a diet. > > This morning the chanting was INCREDIBLE. Swamiji surprised us by > doing a Chandi recitation. There were others that had already > started. But Swamiji .... is well like no other. He musta been > chanting 10 verses to the breath , and although I was in a different > part of the text I must have chanted twice as much faster. Talk about > resonance. > At one point, the Mandir sounded like a rock concert - bells > clanging, voices yelling but the bhava was thrilling. Jai Swamiji. > > In the evening we chant the Gayatri Sahasranam. A beautiful piece of > poetry. Imagine the power of a single mantra that transformed the > worldly Vishwarath to the holy Vishwamitra. > > I come back home in the night . I know now that I can keep up my > sankalpa. > > I had to let it go for a while to know that I love it too much. > > The procrastination, indiscipline disappeared when I realised its > value. 3 hrs a day to chant .......oh pooh ... a SMALL price to > pay !!! > > Like Swamiji once said "Just try it and fall in love" > > Love > Latha > > PS :- How do you like "Finding Nemo" ? Just wanted to see how many > people read my diary and made it all the way here ) If you came > this far, please write back to me (not flood the forum) and > say 'Hi' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2003 Report Share Posted December 11, 2003 The comfort derived from Chandi if persisted in can bring a constant source of comfort. The comfort derived from the sofa can make someone into a couch potatoe. Early on in the big Shiva book there is a chapter containing over 20 verses which if recited can build sankalpa. Shiva is lucky because he doesn't have a sofa. He just has animal skills to sit on. A deer skin is much more conducive to cultivation as a sadhu than any sofa. You could buy a whole pile of animal skins for less than the price of a sofa. You could seat a platoon of sadhus with a pile of skins. Better to become a sadhu than just another of hundreds of millions of couch potatoes. , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote: > Dear All, > > The headlines :- it is easy to start a sankalpa but so difficult to > maintain one . I respect Vishnu - the maintainer of the universe more > and more. Brahma - creates - aaah a 5 min job. Shiva - destroys - > another minute. But to preserve and maintain and nurture .... Vishnu > I bow down to you. > > The main story :- > > Dec 1st :- Yesterday was the day I looked at the couch and sank into > it and fell asleep . > > Today was no better.. > > Dec 2nd :- I did the Chandi today mainly because I felt guilty as > hell. > > Dec 3rd :- I did my normal morning Puja in the evening, did the > Prayog of the Chandi and decided I had enough and gave up. > > Dec 4th :- Didnt do my morning puja .I go to my friends place and do > a Ganesh Puja for her. Does that count? Can that cancel a Chandi? > > Came back home from work at about 6 pm and fell asleep at 6.30 in the > evening . 6.30 in the evening !!!! > > I am so overwhelmed with what I have committed to that I cant even > begin. Classic procrastination. I dont even have the commitment > anymore to break into bite size pieces and handle one sloka at a > time. > > Help ! Whats happening to me ? > > Dec 5th :- I am not even doing my 15 minute morning Siva Puja > anymore. > > I am so frustrated with myself. I sit down and gather my thoughts ... > > I am a logical, scientific, reasoning , thorough person ... Let me > analyze .. > > Why am I not keeping the commitment anymore? > What are the factors that are hindering me ? > > and then > > Why do I want to do it in the first place? For what - for 15 mins of > fame ? To brag all about it ? For What ? > > and > > what would it take for me to keep doing it ? Just a healthy dose of > self discipline ? "Eyes not to meet the TV and butt not to meet the > couch" as Brian said? > > Should I just sign up for an army boot camp and learn basic self > discipline ? > > Or should I visualise (pretend is more correct) that my dearest > beloved Chandi Maa is waiting for her most beloved daughter to come > and chant for her ? Yeah right !!! > > Nothing is working. > > I dont do my puja or chant today. I am just a big pretender that has > no sense of responsibility or commitment or discipline. > > Dec 6th :- I start for the Ashram. The weather reflects my mood - > grey, sombre , clouded, overcast ... > > I feel so ashamed to go to the Ashram. I havent done anything > remotely spiritual this week - one Chandi out of a required 5. Thats > an 'F' in my book and I dont deserve to go and meet Maa. How could I > even look into her eyes? What if she asks me how my sankalpa is > doing ? I cant tell her to wait for my latest edition of my tell- all > diary.. > > I keep driving ... only because I can atleast keep this sankalpa of > being at the Mandir on available weekends . > > Into the winding roads and something overcomes me... "There is > something inside you , some power inside you that knows you better > than you know yourself and wants nothing but the best for you... Can > you not sing and chant and pray to that that ....thing that wishes > you nothing but the best ?" > > Suddenly , I am OK. Its OK. I havent chanted - its OK . I am not > going to keep the score of how many make-up Chandis I need to do. > This is my private ritual between me and the most dearest beloved > soul that wishes me the best . What wouldnt I do for that person ? > > Is this love? Swamiji said that it will be a chore no more when you > fall in love. > > I dont know what it is but I enter the Mandir gates with a light > heart. > > Maa asks me to do the evening Arati . I give it my best and break a > coupla bells ( for real - ask the eye witnesses if you dont believe. > hope i dont have to replace 'em) in the process . > > I chanted today peacefully and cheerfully. > > Dec 7th :- The effects of 1 week of non-sadhana are immediately > visible, regardless of my new found tenderness for a love within. > I am blaming outside sources for problems , I dont have the inner > peace to live and let live, I am reacting to situations, I am not > being tolerant. > > Aha - you leave your practice , you become more toxic. He who rides > the tiger cannot dismount. Like bingeing after a diet. > > This morning the chanting was INCREDIBLE. Swamiji surprised us by > doing a Chandi recitation. There were others that had already > started. But Swamiji .... is well like no other. He musta been > chanting 10 verses to the breath , and although I was in a different > part of the text I must have chanted twice as much faster. Talk about > resonance. > At one point, the Mandir sounded like a rock concert - bells > clanging, voices yelling but the bhava was thrilling. Jai Swamiji. > > In the evening we chant the Gayatri Sahasranam. A beautiful piece of > poetry. Imagine the power of a single mantra that transformed the > worldly Vishwarath to the holy Vishwamitra. > > I come back home in the night . I know now that I can keep up my > sankalpa. > > I had to let it go for a while to know that I love it too much. > > The procrastination, indiscipline disappeared when I realised its > value. 3 hrs a day to chant .......oh pooh ... a SMALL price to > pay !!! > > Like Swamiji once said "Just try it and fall in love" > > Love > Latha > > PS :- How do you like "Finding Nemo" ? Just wanted to see how many > people read my diary and made it all the way here ) If you came > this far, please write back to me (not flood the forum) and > say 'Hi' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2003 Report Share Posted December 11, 2003 As Maa once said to me, "The World always calls". It is up to us not to listen to its never ending distractions. - rudran2 Thursday, December 11, 2003 12:46 PM Re: Diary of a Sankalpa :- Dec 1- 7 The comfort derived from Chandi if persisted in can bring a constant source of comfort. The comfort derived from the sofa can make someone into a couch potatoe. Early on in the big Shiva book there is a chapter containing over 20 verses which if recited can build sankalpa. Shiva is lucky because he doesn't have a sofa. He just has animal skills to sit on. A deer skin is much more conducive to cultivation as a sadhu than any sofa. You could buy a whole pile of animal skins for less than the price of a sofa. You could seat a platoon of sadhus with a pile of skins. Better to become a sadhu than just another of hundreds of millions of couch potatoes.--- In , "Latha Nanda" <lathananda> wrote:> Dear All,> > The headlines :- it is easy to start a sankalpa but so difficult to > maintain one . I respect Vishnu - the maintainer of the universe more > and more. Brahma - creates - aaah a 5 min job. Shiva - destroys - > another minute. But to preserve and maintain and nurture .... Vishnu > I bow down to you.> > The main story :-> > Dec 1st :- Yesterday was the day I looked at the couch and sank into > it and fell asleep .> > Today was no better..> > Dec 2nd :- I did the Chandi today mainly because I felt guilty as > hell.> > Dec 3rd :- I did my normal morning Puja in the evening, did the > Prayog of the Chandi and decided I had enough and gave up.> > Dec 4th :- Didnt do my morning puja .I go to my friends place and do > a Ganesh Puja for her. Does that count? Can that cancel a Chandi?> > Came back home from work at about 6 pm and fell asleep at 6.30 in the > evening . 6.30 in the evening !!!!> > I am so overwhelmed with what I have committed to that I cant even > begin. Classic procrastination. I dont even have the commitment > anymore to break into bite size pieces and handle one sloka at a > time. > > Help ! Whats happening to me ?> > Dec 5th :- I am not even doing my 15 minute morning Siva Puja > anymore. > > I am so frustrated with myself. I sit down and gather my thoughts ...> > I am a logical, scientific, reasoning , thorough person ... Let me > analyze ..> > Why am I not keeping the commitment anymore?> What are the factors that are hindering me ?> > and then > > Why do I want to do it in the first place? For what - for 15 mins of > fame ? To brag all about it ? For What ?> > and > > what would it take for me to keep doing it ? Just a healthy dose of > self discipline ? "Eyes not to meet the TV and butt not to meet the > couch" as Brian said? > > Should I just sign up for an army boot camp and learn basic self > discipline ?> > Or should I visualise (pretend is more correct) that my dearest > beloved Chandi Maa is waiting for her most beloved daughter to come > and chant for her ? Yeah right !!!> > Nothing is working.> > I dont do my puja or chant today. I am just a big pretender that has > no sense of responsibility or commitment or discipline. > > Dec 6th :- I start for the Ashram. The weather reflects my mood - > grey, sombre , clouded, overcast ....> > I feel so ashamed to go to the Ashram. I havent done anything > remotely spiritual this week - one Chandi out of a required 5. Thats > an 'F' in my book and I dont deserve to go and meet Maa. How could I > even look into her eyes? What if she asks me how my sankalpa is > doing ? I cant tell her to wait for my latest edition of my tell-all > diary..> > I keep driving ... only because I can atleast keep this sankalpa of > being at the Mandir on available weekends .> > Into the winding roads and something overcomes me... "There is > something inside you , some power inside you that knows you better > than you know yourself and wants nothing but the best for you... Can > you not sing and chant and pray to that that .....thing that wishes > you nothing but the best ?"> > Suddenly , I am OK. Its OK. I havent chanted - its OK . I am not > going to keep the score of how many make-up Chandis I need to do. > This is my private ritual between me and the most dearest beloved > soul that wishes me the best . What wouldnt I do for that person ?> > Is this love? Swamiji said that it will be a chore no more when you > fall in love.> > I dont know what it is but I enter the Mandir gates with a light > heart.> > Maa asks me to do the evening Arati . I give it my best and break a > coupla bells ( for real - ask the eye witnesses if you dont believe. > hope i dont have to replace 'em) in the process . > > I chanted today peacefully and cheerfully.> > Dec 7th :- The effects of 1 week of non-sadhana are immediately > visible, regardless of my new found tenderness for a love within.> I am blaming outside sources for problems , I dont have the inner > peace to live and let live, I am reacting to situations, I am not > being tolerant.> > Aha - you leave your practice , you become more toxic. He who rides > the tiger cannot dismount. Like bingeing after a diet. > > This morning the chanting was INCREDIBLE. Swamiji surprised us by > doing a Chandi recitation. There were others that had already > started. But Swamiji .... is well like no other. He musta been > chanting 10 verses to the breath , and although I was in a different > part of the text I must have chanted twice as much faster. Talk about > resonance.> At one point, the Mandir sounded like a rock concert - bells > clanging, voices yelling but the bhava was thrilling. Jai Swamiji.> > In the evening we chant the Gayatri Sahasranam. A beautiful piece of > poetry. Imagine the power of a single mantra that transformed the > worldly Vishwarath to the holy Vishwamitra.> > I come back home in the night . I know now that I can keep up my > sankalpa.> > I had to let it go for a while to know that I love it too much. > > The procrastination, indiscipline disappeared when I realised its > value. 3 hrs a day to chant ........oh pooh ... a SMALL price to > pay !!!> > Like Swamiji once said "Just try it and fall in love"> > Love> Latha> > PS :- How do you like "Finding Nemo" ? Just wanted to see how many > people read my diary and made it all the way here ) If you came > this far, please write back to me (not flood the forum) and > say 'Hi' :)To from this group, send an email to:Your use of is subject to the Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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