Conscious choices

December 14, 2003

Swamiji said one time ,"There is no point in doing Sadhana if it does

not bring any change in you."

My interpretation :- The change could happen in two ways. When you

go deep in Sadhana, and you get glimpses of the underlying oneness

that you are a part of. So you will automatically act in a way to

benefit the whole and not just the part. This is one kind of change,

a beautiful change, a joyful change, a shift in paradigm change.

The other kind of change where you have not glimpsed the unity but

you know that there is something bigger than you. So you make

conscious choices "I will not hurt anyone in thought/word or deed. I

will learn to forgive. I make the choice not to hate anyone

regardless of their behaviour towards me."

While I wait for the spontaneous change to happen, I keep struggling

to make the conscious choices. How easy it is to slip back, but how

we must make the choices ,if we are to find any meaning at all to

real love and life.

Your thoughts ? Anyone ?

December 14, 2003

Latha,

What you seek, in my opinion, is REAL change.

A shift in consciousness. An expansion of awareness.

This is automatic as long as you allow it to happen.

Doing the Chandi is evoking Goddess "magic" in your life. And what you have

been experiencing is exactly the Chandi working on you in your life. She is

directly affecting your life and your experience.

I suspect you perceive it as "bad," because you are seeing aspects of

yourself that you are not proud of, the Tamas and Rajas parts of yourself,

but this is all part of the process of the Chandi. In order to claim power

over ourselves we must admit, accept and own every aspect of who we are. We

must accept all the positives and all the negatives and stop judging them.

Mother Chandi is merely showing you some of your negative qualities and

some of your positive qualities. Accept them at face value and LOVE

YOURSELF ANYWAY.

The more you love yourself, the more you love all the qualities that you

have been given on this planet through childhood and adult experiences,

through genetics and through karma, the more enlightened you will be BY

DEFINITION. In essence by admitting to ourselves who we are we are shining

lights on the darkened parts of ourselves, allowing the walls of confusion

to break down and let her light shine upon us -- ALL PARTS OF US.

If we see a truth and don't want it to be true then we are resisting the

moment that she gave us to see ourselves as she does.

If you pay attention, and don't react to the things you learn about

yourself, then you will feel her love for you -- EVEN WITH ALL YOUR FAULTS

-- and you will begin to recognize that you are that love.

I use the word love here. Awareness is a fusion of consciousness and

energy, love as I've used it here, is that awareness.

Chandi Maa Ki Jai!

Love,

Brian

At 09:25 AM 12/14/2003, you wrote:

>Swamiji said one time ,"There is no point in doing Sadhana if it does

>not bring any change in you."

>

>My interpretation :- The change could happen in two ways. When you

>go deep in Sadhana, and you get glimpses of the underlying oneness

>that you are a part of. So you will automatically act in a way to

>benefit the whole and not just the part. This is one kind of change,

>a beautiful change, a joyful change, a shift in paradigm change.

>

>The other kind of change where you have not glimpsed the unity but

>you know that there is something bigger than you. So you make

>conscious choices "I will not hurt anyone in thought/word or deed. I

>will learn to forgive. I make the choice not to hate anyone

>regardless of their behaviour towards me."

>

>While I wait for the spontaneous change to happen, I keep struggling

>to make the conscious choices. How easy it is to slip back, but how

>we must make the choices ,if we are to find any meaning at all to

>real love and life.

>

>Your thoughts ? Anyone ?

>

>Your use of is subject to

December 15, 2003

Latha,

This is a very interesting topic, but it seems very complex to me.

It's funny, I think it's actually very simple, but the underlying

principle or mechanism eludes me.

Pandit Tigunait describes Bhole Baba when he first develops an

interest in doing sadhana. He learns that tapas, ie., that which

creates heat; disciplined effort; austerities, is that which purifies

a sadhaka. This answer doesn't satisfy him, for some reason, and he

says as much to his master, and his master agrees that, yes, there is

more to it. But he never says what the "more" is. So I am left

wondering what the "more" is that operates in concert with tapas to

purify us, changing us from animals to humans, and finally divine

beings.

That said, it is apparent that all change is the result of the

operation of Shakti, Divine Mother, in the individual sadhaka. Change

can occur as a result of the mechanisms in all the major sadhanas,

dhyana, bhakti, jnana, mantra yoga, kundalini yoga, tantra, etc. I'm

sure we could boil this list down a bit, to the underlying practices

in each, and what each practice exerts its specific affect on, but

this is where I get all bogged down in seemingly endless, overlapping

detail.

For some people, myself for instance, substantive changes occur at

the time of surrender to God. Others don't seem to experience this, I

don't know why. This kind of change seems the most obvious example of

grace. It may be that all results from any sadhana may ultimately

boil down to grace, but I don't know.

Your first example, of going deep in sadhana and glimpsing the

underlying unity, producing a paradigm shift, seems to describe the

experience of pure knowledge, or jnana. Pure knowledge is said to

burn the seeds of karmas. Pure knowledge can result from a variety of

different sadhanas, not just jnana yoga, and it can be experienced in

small ways, as well as globally.

Your second example is simply tapas, a practice, a part of doing

sadhana. It is a discipline that, like all sadhana, produces changes

inside. It is said that no act of spiritual discipline fails to

produce its affect, nor is it ever lost. Tapas is like an ember,

fanned by each spiritual practice, growing ever hotter until finally

it creates a fire strong enough to burn every impurity.

In my experience, sadhana seems to go on in a series of high points,

where progress is obvious, between which, are sometimes long periods

where little seems to change. One must have faith in one's sadhana.

It seems to me that the periods of little apparent change are

actually periods of inner change -- change in places I have no real

awareness of -- inner changes that serve to produce, or allow, the

highs that follow.

I hope this is helpful. I did run on...I tend to do that. May you

find that which you most seek.

Chris

, "Latha Nanda" <lathananda>

wrote:

> Swamiji said one time ,"There is no point in doing Sadhana if it

does

> not bring any change in you."

>

> My interpretation :- The change could happen in two ways. When you

> go deep in Sadhana, and you get glimpses of the underlying oneness

> that you are a part of. So you will automatically act in a way to

> benefit the whole and not just the part. This is one kind of

change,

> a beautiful change, a joyful change, a shift in paradigm change.

>

> The other kind of change where you have not glimpsed the unity but

> you know that there is something bigger than you. So you make

> conscious choices "I will not hurt anyone in thought/word or deed.

I

> will learn to forgive. I make the choice not to hate anyone

> regardless of their behaviour towards me."

>

> While I wait for the spontaneous change to happen, I keep

struggling

> to make the conscious choices. How easy it is to slip back, but how

> we must make the choices ,if we are to find any meaning at all to

> real love and life.

>

> Your thoughts ? Anyone ?

December 15, 2003

Dear Brian,

Thank you for responding to my post.

I see two different things ...

Doing the Chandi *is* for the shift in consciousness. Chandi Maa just

puts me in a joyous state that it doesna matter whether I am good or

bad or whether I accept or deny them... Simply that I am so much at

peace. And out of this peace whatever I choose is the right action

and right choice.

You are correct - I do seek a shift in consciousness ... for keeps.

Not something that happens from time to time when I do sadhana and

then ... I am back to reality as though from a nice vacation and have

only memories.

The second part is about me in the "ordinary" - minus the shift in

consciousness. Alas, this seems to be the state that I am almost all

the time.

This is the "me" trying to muddle through life without Chandi's

magic . This is the "me" that needs to make conscious choices to

be "good" or "to accept myself" and "to love myself anyway".

All it takes is a little bit of introspection - based on repetitive

behaviour and experience to understand the good and bad in me. Just

even trying to do the Chandi merely brings all these good and bad to

the forefront - remember the drama created even to do the Chandi

It is at this time that I must strive to make those choices ... the

high road over the low road. Not merely accepting that I am

indisciplined but making the effort not to let "the eye meet the TV

or the butt to touch the couch" . I have to strive to conquer the

demon so long as I feel separate from the Goddess.

I dont know whether I responded to any of your specific points , but

in trying to respond to your post, some clouds cleared for me.

Love

Latha

, Brian McKee <brian@s...> wrote:

> Latha,

>

> What you seek, in my opinion, is REAL change.

>

> A shift in consciousness. An expansion of awareness.

>

> This is automatic as long as you allow it to happen.

>

> Doing the Chandi is evoking Goddess "magic" in your life. And what

you have

> been experiencing is exactly the Chandi working on you in your

life. She is

> directly affecting your life and your experience.

>

> I suspect you perceive it as "bad," because you are seeing aspects

of

> yourself that you are not proud of, the Tamas and Rajas parts of

yourself,

> but this is all part of the process of the Chandi. In order to

claim power

> over ourselves we must admit, accept and own every aspect of who we

are. We

> must accept all the positives and all the negatives and stop

judging them.

>

> Mother Chandi is merely showing you some of your negative qualities

and

> some of your positive qualities. Accept them at face value and LOVE

> YOURSELF ANYWAY.

>

> The more you love yourself, the more you love all the qualities

that you

> have been given on this planet through childhood and adult

experiences,

> through genetics and through karma, the more enlightened you will

be BY

> DEFINITION. In essence by admitting to ourselves who we are we are

shining

> lights on the darkened parts of ourselves, allowing the walls of

confusion

> to break down and let her light shine upon us -- ALL PARTS OF US.

>

> If we see a truth and don't want it to be true then we are

resisting the

> moment that she gave us to see ourselves as she does.

>

> If you pay attention, and don't react to the things you learn about

> yourself, then you will feel her love for you -- EVEN WITH ALL YOUR

FAULTS

> -- and you will begin to recognize that you are that love.

>

> I use the word love here. Awareness is a fusion of consciousness

and

> energy, love as I've used it here, is that awareness.

>

> Chandi Maa Ki Jai!

>

> Love,

>

> Brian

>

> At 09:25 AM 12/14/2003, you wrote:

> >Swamiji said one time ,"There is no point in doing Sadhana if it

does

> >not bring any change in you."

> >

> >My interpretation :- The change could happen in two ways. When you

> >go deep in Sadhana, and you get glimpses of the underlying oneness

> >that you are a part of. So you will automatically act in a way to

> >benefit the whole and not just the part. This is one kind of

change,

> >a beautiful change, a joyful change, a shift in paradigm change.

> >

> >The other kind of change where you have not glimpsed the unity but

> >you know that there is something bigger than you. So you make

> >conscious choices "I will not hurt anyone in thought/word or deed.

I

> >will learn to forgive. I make the choice not to hate anyone

> >regardless of their behaviour towards me."

> >

> >While I wait for the spontaneous change to happen, I keep

struggling

> >to make the conscious choices. How easy it is to slip back, but how

> >we must make the choices ,if we are to find any meaning at all to

> >real love and life.

> >

> >Your thoughts ? Anyone ?

> >

> >Your use of is subject to

December 15, 2003

Latha,

You said, "I have to strive to conquer the demon so long as I feel separate from

the Goddess."

The little you cannot slay the demons. Only mother can slay the demons. You

merely have to be willing to let her do it.

She cannot enter your heart, mind and body to slay the demons of perception, the

"bad guys" of thought, and bring clarity to you unless you are willing to accept

her.

And the way you begin to accept her is by accepting yourself at face value.

Admit that you have demons, but love yourself anyway.

That means, don't allow your feelings and thoughts to cause you to seek too much

and too little. Don't allow your guilt to cause you to fall to self deprecation.

Don't let your egotism allow you to jump off the cliff of self aggrandizement.

And when you catch yourself seeking outside yourself, feeling guilty, or feeling

all high and mighty, simply let the moment go appologize to goddess, and love

yourself anyway. "Another step mother, I caught another thought, please take him

away from me, burn him in your fires, purify me and let me melt into your

heart."

Consciousness comes from an attitude of awareness. Be aware of how you react to

all that is going on around you and simply choose to not react. But when you do

react, and you catch it, be loving and forgiving of yourself and then pray to

not repeat it. It takes practice to be aware. It takes a lot of practice. And

that's why sadhana is a practice.

If you can master non-reaction for even one moment you will immediately begin to

feel the goddess tearing apart the samskaras that cause the thoughts and the

feelings. She will begin to breack down your belief that you are separate from

her.

The whole process merely proves to you, that you are loveable in the truest of

all possible meanings. Once you feel loveable you love yourself and you refuse

to allow the battling thoughts to shift your perspective to the identification

of self in them.

Self seems intangeble at our level, but its not. She radiates from our eyes.

One thing I tell people I'm trying to help let go of guilt is to stare at your

self in the mirror, look deeply into your eyes and see the light there. There is

a presence behind your eyes more powerful than the universe itself and it is she

who makes you who you are.

The process is self evolving. We start out relating to our parents. We don't

even know about our hands until we are a few months old. Identity then begins

the slow process of moving from total Maya inward toward deeper and deeper

truths.

You are merely walking a path toward enlightenment and the only thing slowing

you down is your concerns about your false identity. Think of these parts of

yourself as stepping stones to deeper truth. We could not find goddess within

without the Maya outside. Maya provides the mirrors and mechanisms to teach us

about ourselves. That's why I like my inspired light bulb analogy, We are lights

seeking to see ourselves, to do that we first walk around looking at our light

shining on things. Plato's "The Cave" is the perfect analogy.

Just accept everything as it is and stop resisting. Let your mind go, it can't

help you. You can't think your way out of this mess because it is the thinking

that is messing things up. Feelings are always true but are not The Truth

either, so let them go as well.

This is the lesson I have been learning for the last two weeks. And I say these

things partly to help you and partly to help me. Maa is right, when we help

others we are directly helping ourselves. Seva is service to consciousness.

May Shree Maa, Swami Satya Nanda, Durga, Honuman, Ganesh, Shiva, Maya, and

Brahma bless you on your journey.

*big hugs*

Brian

Latha Nanda <lathananda

Dec 15, 2003 7:19 AM

Re: Conscious choices