peace is not far away

[Guest guest]

""Latha Nanda" <lathananda>

wrote:

> Namaste Chris,

> I know what you mean because I face the same challenge and lots of

> tamasic tendencies . I know the benefits but find myself putting

off

> the practice too......"

 

Dear Latha, Chris and List,

There is NO ONE who does not experience this...until they are

realized...Trungpa Rinpoche called people who did sadhana the way we

are all trying to do sadhana, "Spiritual Warriors". Here we are

reading the Chandi Path...well, we are living it every day, having

the courage to perservere in spite of doubts or discouragement.

The first day of this week, when we began Chapter One of the

Chandi Path, I looked at it and thought, "Oh no! It's so long...and

I am already doing the Kavaca and the Kunjika and the Ratri Suktam

and everything else because I want to continue with the ones we have

learned...oh and then I have my morning puja and then there is the

mantra sankalpa...Oh, i just don't know about this!" And I was

feeling a mixture of really irritated that I "had" to do this and

guilty because I felt that way and thinking..."hmm, maybe I can

weasel out of it by not doing what I had been doing" and alot of

other stupid things...Then, I suddenly started watching myself going

through this dance and I had to laugh. I mean, WHO was MAKING me do

this? It wasn't Devi who "needed" my puja and it wasn't the on-line

chat group who "needed" me to fulfill my sankalpa. It was something

I CHOSE to do because I love to do it....so...WHO was this one who

was kvetching and complaining about it being "too much"? And, of

course, I knew it was just the part of me that doesn't want to let

go of the illusion of controlling my life, the one who thinks she

knows what I should do that would be so much more "interesting"

and "fun" and "entertaining". My dear friend, Miss Ego! And what I

also thought about then was the times that I listened to that voice

and how I felt afterwards. It isn't guilt that I am talking about or

some idea I have of myself as a sadhaka that I have to live up

to...it's just this kind of emptiness that comes when I give into

that voice because what the Ego offers is just that...empty! I think

it's challenging to learn how to persevere without beating yourself

up about it...think about what it is that you want...it is GOODNESS

and it is GOOD and wanting it is GOOD. The love that the guru has

for us, when we are lucky enough to find a real guru, is why he or

she encourages us to perservere in our practices...it's not to make

us a "better person" or so that we can sit at the homa fire in a

perfect asan and chant the Chandi Path meticulously. I think it's

because he or she knows that the real fulfillment that we long for

is held within these practices not in what the ego offers and so the

guru encourages us to do what she knows will bring us that

fulfillment. But, really, we have to remember that we are all

struggling with the very same issues whether we are just beginning

or whether we have been at this for a long time...that's why it's

called "practice"; we are "practicing" for a time when we don't have

to "do" anything at all.

sadhvi

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Well said, Sadhvi!

 

Chris

 

 

, "nityashakti" <sadhvi@p...> wrote:

> ""Latha Nanda" <lathananda>

> wrote:

> > Namaste Chris,

> > I know what you mean because I face the same challenge and lots of

> > tamasic tendencies . I know the benefits but find myself putting

> off

> > the practice too......"

>

> Dear Latha, Chris and List,

> There is NO ONE who does not experience this...until they are

> realized...Trungpa Rinpoche called people who did sadhana the way

we

> are all trying to do sadhana, "Spiritual Warriors". Here we are

> reading the Chandi Path...well, we are living it every day, having

> the courage to perservere in spite of doubts or discouragement.

> The first day of this week, when we began Chapter One of the

> Chandi Path, I looked at it and thought, "Oh no! It's so long...and

> I am already doing the Kavaca and the Kunjika and the Ratri Suktam

> and everything else because I want to continue with the ones we

have

> learned...oh and then I have my morning puja and then there is the

> mantra sankalpa...Oh, i just don't know about this!" And I was

> feeling a mixture of really irritated that I "had" to do this and

> guilty because I felt that way and thinking..."hmm, maybe I can

> weasel out of it by not doing what I had been doing" and alot of

> other stupid things...Then, I suddenly started watching myself

going

> through this dance and I had to laugh. I mean, WHO was MAKING me do

> this? It wasn't Devi who "needed" my puja and it wasn't the on-line

> chat group who "needed" me to fulfill my sankalpa. It was something

> I CHOSE to do because I love to do it....so...WHO was this one who

> was kvetching and complaining about it being "too much"? And, of

> course, I knew it was just the part of me that doesn't want to let

> go of the illusion of controlling my life, the one who thinks she

> knows what I should do that would be so much more "interesting"

> and "fun" and "entertaining". My dear friend, Miss Ego! And what I

> also thought about then was the times that I listened to that voice

> and how I felt afterwards. It isn't guilt that I am talking about

or

> some idea I have of myself as a sadhaka that I have to live up

> to...it's just this kind of emptiness that comes when I give into

> that voice because what the Ego offers is just that...empty! I

think

> it's challenging to learn how to persevere without beating yourself

> up about it...think about what it is that you want...it is GOODNESS

> and it is GOOD and wanting it is GOOD. The love that the guru has

> for us, when we are lucky enough to find a real guru, is why he or

> she encourages us to perservere in our practices...it's not to make

> us a "better person" or so that we can sit at the homa fire in a

> perfect asan and chant the Chandi Path meticulously. I think it's

> because he or she knows that the real fulfillment that we long for

> is held within these practices not in what the ego offers and so

the

> guru encourages us to do what she knows will bring us that

> fulfillment. But, really, we have to remember that we are all

> struggling with the very same issues whether we are just beginning

> or whether we have been at this for a long time...that's why it's

> called "practice"; we are "practicing" for a time when we don't

have

> to "do" anything at all.

> sadhvi

> >