RE: worship of Saligrama Sila

May 3, 2004

",,I must admit that I am not a very faithful pujari at present and

although Lord Shiva is on my mind very often throughout the day, I

am very lazy about doing mantras or any sadhana. I am ashamed to

say this, but I must be realistic about who I am before I take on

such a commitment. In my heart, I really want to accept the Sila

and I feel that by taking on this commitment, I will have the

motivation I currently lack to do puja everyday and to do the

mantras that make me feel so much at peace. It is a discipline that

I do not have, but which I would really like to have and I know that

it will be good for my soul. At the same time, part of me feels

that I should become the person I want to be before I take on such a

commitment, instead of hoping to be someone I am not.

Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and

Jai Maa.

Saswati Ramaswami..."

Dear Saraswati,

I have posted another informational email for the group regarding

Shaligrams. I felt really compelled to respond to your post because

the issue you bring up is one that is appearing frequently in my

life. How to balance the "obligations" of tradition (which are very

specific and very clear) with the "insights" of practice (which are

also very very clear in the responses to your email, especially

Latha's suggestion about a wayof contemplating your question and

Mike and Karen's point that MOTHER has offered this gift!). Just a

short story here...last week I was with a friend who is a very

committed practitioner. I was arranging a series of murtis of Durga

on shelves in preparation for a puja. She said to me, "Never take a

standing murti of Durga unless you do puja to her in the traditional

way...EVERY DAY! Otherwise, you will create great harm". Later, I

accompanied her as we did a house puja to Ganesha, Devi and a very

large Temple Nataraja. The puja was traditional. My friend is very

pressured these days and i could not help but feel the tension in

her actions...the feeling of "let's get this over with so I can take

care of my duties". The puja was, in a way, just

another "obligation" in her life (not always, but that day). Later

on, I thought to myself, "would Durga prefer to get that kind of

puja every day? or would she rather have a fully-present, loving,

awake pujari once a week?" Of course, only Shri Durga could answer

that question. But it lead me to another understanding and that is

that EVERY action that we do can be traced to one of two

motivations: LOVE or FEAR. When one's worship is permeated by Fear,

then questions like "doing it right" or "doing it exactly the way it

MUST be done" or doing it because, if you don't do it, God will be

angry at you are the questions that drive your worship. If, on the

other hand, one's worship is permeated by Love, then questions such

as the one's that Latha asked and the insights that Mike and Karen

offered are what arises and you understand that the object of your

worship is not some "foreign entity" who is going to punish you if

you aren't perfect, but your own Self in another form. I personally

think that the part of you that wants to be "perfect" before you

even begin to learn how to do something is that part that is caught

in Fear (and I say that because it is something I , and probably

everyone else here, has felt). After all of this, the question

arises...Who IS the Shaligramma and what is his purpose? What is the

relationship...what does it mean to you? If, as Karen and Mike have

said, this is a gift from Mother...then what is Mother's expectation

of her children? Certainly not that they will already know before

they are given the chance to learn. Certainly not that they

are "perfect" in their worship of an image as some kind of test. I

think the key here is TRUST...trust that this gift is given with

love, trust in what your heart wants more than what you fear and,

lastly, trust in God's unconditional love for YOU just as you

are ...the rest is simply a matter of learning...slowly. Perhaps

there is a very simple puja with tulsi that could be done

daily...just a very simple waving of a light...and you could begin

very slowly, learning from your Mother what the more complex puja

would involve..it's a really wonderful opportunity for a deeper

relationship with God who is, after all, your own Dear Self.

with great love and best wishes to you,

sadhvi

May 3, 2004

sadhvi you always say it so well. bravo.

steve

, "nityashakti" <sadhvi@p...> wrote:

> ",,I must admit that I am not a very faithful pujari at present and

> although Lord Shiva is on my mind very often throughout the day, I

> am very lazy about doing mantras or any sadhana. I am ashamed to

> say this, but I must be realistic about who I am before I take on

> such a commitment. In my heart, I really want to accept the Sila

> and I feel that by taking on this commitment, I will have the

> motivation I currently lack to do puja everyday and to do the

> mantras that make me feel so much at peace. It is a discipline

that

> I do not have, but which I would really like to have and I know

that

> it will be good for my soul. At the same time, part of me feels

> that I should become the person I want to be before I take on such

a

> commitment, instead of hoping to be someone I am not.

>

> Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and

> Jai Maa.

>

> Saswati Ramaswami..."

>

> Dear Saraswati,

> I have posted another informational email for the group

regarding

> Shaligrams. I felt really compelled to respond to your post because

> the issue you bring up is one that is appearing frequently in my

> life. How to balance the "obligations" of tradition (which are very

> specific and very clear) with the "insights" of practice (which are

> also very very clear in the responses to your email, especially

> Latha's suggestion about a wayof contemplating your question and

> Mike and Karen's point that MOTHER has offered this gift!). Just a

> short story here...last week I was with a friend who is a very

> committed practitioner. I was arranging a series of murtis of Durga

> on shelves in preparation for a puja. She said to me, "Never take a

> standing murti of Durga unless you do puja to her in the

traditional

> way...EVERY DAY! Otherwise, you will create great harm". Later, I

> accompanied her as we did a house puja to Ganesha, Devi and a very

> large Temple Nataraja. The puja was traditional. My friend is very

> pressured these days and i could not help but feel the tension in

> her actions...the feeling of "let's get this over with so I can

take

> care of my duties". The puja was, in a way, just

> another "obligation" in her life (not always, but that day). Later

> on, I thought to myself, "would Durga prefer to get that kind of

> puja every day? or would she rather have a fully-present, loving,

> awake pujari once a week?" Of course, only Shri Durga could answer

> that question. But it lead me to another understanding and that is

> that EVERY action that we do can be traced to one of two

> motivations: LOVE or FEAR. When one's worship is permeated by Fear,

> then questions like "doing it right" or "doing it exactly the way

it

> MUST be done" or doing it because, if you don't do it, God will be

> angry at you are the questions that drive your worship. If, on the

> other hand, one's worship is permeated by Love, then questions such

> as the one's that Latha asked and the insights that Mike and Karen

> offered are what arises and you understand that the object of your

> worship is not some "foreign entity" who is going to punish you if

> you aren't perfect, but your own Self in another form. I personally

> think that the part of you that wants to be "perfect" before you

> even begin to learn how to do something is that part that is caught

> in Fear (and I say that because it is something I , and probably

> everyone else here, has felt). After all of this, the question

> arises...Who IS the Shaligramma and what is his purpose? What is

the

> relationship...what does it mean to you? If, as Karen and Mike have

> said, this is a gift from Mother...then what is Mother's

expectation

> of her children? Certainly not that they will already know before

> they are given the chance to learn. Certainly not that they

> are "perfect" in their worship of an image as some kind of test. I

> think the key here is TRUST...trust that this gift is given with

> love, trust in what your heart wants more than what you fear and,

> lastly, trust in God's unconditional love for YOU just as you

> are ...the rest is simply a matter of learning...slowly. Perhaps

> there is a very simple puja with tulsi that could be done

> daily...just a very simple waving of a light...and you could begin

> very slowly, learning from your Mother what the more complex puja

> would involve..it's a really wonderful opportunity for a deeper

> relationship with God who is, after all, your own Dear Self.

> with great love and best wishes to you,

> sadhvi

May 4, 2004

Thank you all so much for your comments. I feel so happy to have

shared my dilemma with you! I will

Accept the Shaligrama sila and I will do the best I can.

Sadhvi’s comments on my fear are right on.

My mother is a very traditional Bengali woman and she definitely does

her puja with some sense of fear

That bad things will happen if she misses a day, ever. Her reasons

for worshippin the sila daily are based on stories she has heard from

family as a child about horrible things that happened to families that

did not worship the sila, but kept it in their house anyway...

I have learned to see and love God in a different way thanks to Maa

and Swamiji, but I think my greatest barrier to doing daily puja is

the negative associations I have with seeing my mother’s

obsessive tendencies to do puja even when she was very sick, had very

little sleep or was burdened with taking care of us and all of her

work. I have never felt that she loves God or puja, just that she

does it in order to chip away at all the sins that brought her back

to this world again. Thanks to Maa and Swamiji, my understanding of

what it means to be Hindu has changed quite a bit from my view as a

child...

My love to all of you.

Saswati

On 5/3/04 7:15 AM, "nityashakti" <sadhvi (AT) prodigy (DOT) net> wrote: