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Steve wrote:

pain can tell us relatively simple things, like don't jump off the

roof. both extreme physical pain as well as amorphous emotional pain

have a lot of power to instruct but grasping the lesson is not always

easy or immediate.

Dear Steve,

 

You speak of pain like you've been there, or are there, and what you

said added much to what I wrote, which will show up in a post or two

from this one. I did not know (I don't think) that you also struggle

with pain, but I know how hard it is and so I will add you to my

personal prayer list. Jai Maa ~ Linda

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hi linda

 

i do and i don't. we have a very disabled daughter. this causes a

lot of burning the candle at both ends and stress of many kinds. and

i have suffered psychological pain. there is also the [past]

attendant stuff re: substance abuse and all that, which is really a

way to manage pain or attempt to feel a greater unity in ones own

body and mind. not trying to glorify it. individual existence is

pain, if we have the sensitivity to feel it. but what about extreme

pain. passed a kidney stone recently ... if i had to live with that

every day, i am not sure. people who have suffered can't help but

see the naivete of those who have not and know we are all

vulnerable. this kind of love-teaching like ramakrishna, like what i

imagine the real jesus to be ... they know, they accomodate to

suffering without distorted visions of reality based on personal

strength, etc.

 

all the seconday pains that emerge from the primary pain ... this

can be helped with the sadhana. some pains are not even managed by

that. so what can we do. when we can hardly even move. we are driven

back to the heart of bare existence again and again. god bless you.

some day we might understand pain completely. until then, all we can

do is care for ourselves and others and do whatever small sadhana-

god-gestures we can. god bless you god bless you. may the mother

relieve you of all pain forever.

 

the more we can live by spirit the better. maybe this makes us

stronger at doing that. i do not know. all we can do is live the

life we are given. fortunately for us we have some good teachers.

 

s

 

, nierika@a... wrote:

>

> Steve wrote:

>

> pain can tell us relatively simple things, like don't jump off

the

> roof. both extreme physical pain as well as amorphous emotional

pain

> have a lot of power to instruct but grasping the lesson is not

> always easy or immediate.

>

>

>

> Dear Steve,

>

> You speak of pain like you've been there, or are there, and what

you said

> added much to what I wrote, which will show up in a post or two

from this one. I

> did not know (I don't think) that you also struggle with pain,

but I know

> how hard it is and so I will add you to my personal prayer list.

Jai Maa ~

> Linda

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Hi Stevie,

This is such a beautiful post. It comes from your heart. It is so honest and

full of love. It comes from your knowing and your unknowing. Whatever your life

has given you, it has given you a heart of compassion.

 

I love you,

 

Ardis

 

 

Steve Connor <sconnor

Sep 19, 2004 7:49 AM

Re:To Steve on Pain

 

<html><body>

 

 

<tt>

hi linda<BR>

<BR>

i do and i don't. we have a very disabled daughter. this causes a <BR>

lot of burning the candle at both ends and stress of many kinds. and <BR>

i have suffered psychological pain. there is also the [past] <BR>

attendant stuff re: substance abuse and all that, which is really a <BR>

way to manage pain or attempt to feel a greater unity in ones own <BR>

body and mind. not trying to glorify it. individual existence is <BR>

pain, if we have the sensitivity to feel it. but what about extreme <BR>

pain. passed a kidney stone recently ... if i had to live with that <BR>

every day, i am not sure. people who have suffered can't help but <BR>

see the naivete of those who have not and know we are all <BR>

vulnerable. this kind of love-teaching like ramakrishna, like what i <BR>

imagine the real jesus to be ... they know, they accomodate to <BR>

suffering without distorted visions of reality based on personal <BR>

strength, etc.<BR>

<BR>

all the seconday pains that emerge from the primary pain ... this <BR>

can be helped with the sadhana. some pains are not even managed by <BR>

that. so what can we do. when we can hardly even move. we are driven <BR>

back to the heart of bare existence again and again. god bless you. <BR>

some day we might understand pain completely. until then, all we can <BR>

do is care for ourselves and others and do whatever small sadhana-<BR>

god-gestures we can. god bless you god bless you. may the mother <BR>

relieve you of all pain forever. <BR>

<BR>

the more we can live by spirit the better. maybe this makes us <BR>

stronger at doing that. i do not know. all we can do is live the <BR>

life we are given. fortunately for us we have some good teachers.<BR>

<BR>

s<BR>

<BR>

, nierika@a... wrote:<BR>

>  <BR>

> Steve wrote:<BR>

> <BR>

> pain can  tell us relatively simple things, like don't jump off <BR>

the <BR>

> roof. both  extreme physical pain as well as amorphous emotional <BR>

pain <BR>

> have a lot of  power to instruct but grasping the lesson is not <BR>

> always easy or  immediate.<BR>

> <BR>

> <BR>

> <BR>

> Dear Steve,<BR>

>  <BR>

> You speak of pain like you've been there, or are there, and what <BR>

you said  <BR>

> added much to what I wrote, which will show up in a post or two <BR>

from this one. I <BR>

>  did not know (I don't think) that you also struggle with pain, <BR>

but I know <BR>

> how  hard it is and so I will add you to my personal prayer list. <BR>

Jai Maa ~  <BR>

> Linda<BR>

<BR>

<BR>

</tt>

 

 

<br>

 

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STEVE AND LINDA,

 

JAI MAA DURGA TO YOU BOTH.

 

I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR CONVERSATION THROUGH AND REALLY FEEL FOR YOU BOTH

ESPECIALLY THE TOPIC THAT YOU ARE DISCUSSING.

 

I PRAY TO MOTHER DURGA AND LORD SHIV THAT THEY BOTH TAKE ALL THAT PAIN

FROM YOU AND BLESS YOU WITH AN AURA OF TRUE HAPPINESS, GIVE YOU BOTH

STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGMENT.

 

JAI MAA DURGA!

 

JAY DAYAL.

 

 

Steve Connor [sconnor]

Monday, September 20, 2004 3:50 AM

Re:To Steve on Pain

 

hi linda

 

i do and i don't. we have a very disabled daughter. this causes a

lot of burning the candle at both ends and stress of many kinds. and

i have suffered psychological pain. there is also the [past]

attendant stuff re: substance abuse and all that, which is really a

way to manage pain or attempt to feel a greater unity in ones own

body and mind. not trying to glorify it. individual existence is

pain, if we have the sensitivity to feel it. but what about extreme

pain. passed a kidney stone recently ... if i had to live with that

every day, i am not sure. people who have suffered can't help but

see the naivete of those who have not and know we are all

vulnerable. this kind of love-teaching like ramakrishna, like what i

imagine the real jesus to be ... they know, they accomodate to

suffering without distorted visions of reality based on personal

strength, etc.

 

all the seconday pains that emerge from the primary pain ... this

can be helped with the sadhana. some pains are not even managed by

that. so what can we do. when we can hardly even move. we are driven

back to the heart of bare existence again and again. god bless you.

some day we might understand pain completely. until then, all we can

do is care for ourselves and others and do whatever small sadhana-

god-gestures we can. god bless you god bless you. may the mother

relieve you of all pain forever.

 

the more we can live by spirit the better. maybe this makes us

stronger at doing that. i do not know. all we can do is live the

life we are given. fortunately for us we have some good teachers.

 

s

 

, nierika@a... wrote:

>

> Steve wrote:

>

> pain can tell us relatively simple things, like don't jump off

the

> roof. both extreme physical pain as well as amorphous emotional

pain

> have a lot of power to instruct but grasping the lesson is not

> always easy or immediate.

>

>

>

> Dear Steve,

>

> You speak of pain like you've been there, or are there, and what

you said

> added much to what I wrote, which will show up in a post or two

from this one. I

> did not know (I don't think) that you also struggle with pain,

but I know

> how hard it is and so I will add you to my personal prayer list.

Jai Maa ~

> Linda

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Steve wrote:

i do and i don't. we have a very disabled daughter. this causes a lot

of burning the candle at both ends and stress of many kinds. and i

have suffered psychological pain.

and he also wrote:

but what about extreme pain. passed a kidney stone recently ... if i

had to live with that every day, i am not sure. people who have

suffered can't help but see the naivete of those who have not and

know we are all vulnerable. this kind of love-teaching like

ramakrishna, like what i imagine the real jesus to be ... they know,

they accomodate to suffering without distorted visions of reality

based on personal strength, etc.

Dear Steve,

 

Thank you more for sharing your own experience. I am so sad to hear of

your daughter, and burning the candle at both ends can cause pain in

itself if it goes on for too long. That is part of how I got my

illness ~ being a Type A person, thinking I could do it all, and

doing it all, and then thinking I wasn't even doing enough. Now I can

do very little, and I agree that people who don't go through this type

of ongoing pain don't understand how it really feels. They try, but

they don't really know.

 

I appreciated what you said about Ramakrishna and Jesus, because I

know that Jesus helped those with pain, but I did not know about

Ramakrishna. Perhaps I will now go and buy the book about him,

"Ramakrishna As We Knew Him." It is sitting in my Amazon.com "wish

box." Sometimes for me, great lessons have come from my struggle with

psychological pain, including more empathy toward others. The physical

pain seems harder to learn from, but as I said in my post to Jay, it

has turned me more, once again, God(dess)ward. Ammachi has actually

healed people. Sometimes I have prayed to have my illness taken away

from me, but I also pray for whatever is the Mother's will. If it is

part of my lesson here to be in pain, then Her will be done.

 

But I think when people go through an illness that causes chronic

pain, whether it be psychological or physical, they go through the

same stages of grief that Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified: anger,

denial, bargaining, acceptance, not necessarily in that order.

Sometimes I still get very angry, but I direct the anger at myself. I

feel ashamed to be so sick. My hubby is a good partner because if I

voice this one, he doesn't let me get away with it. I guess I don't

believe that bargaining works, because I just gave that one up. So

now I am with acceptance, which is a very big mountain to climb.

 

I do know that I chose this life and with it I chose the circumstances

I would go through and the lessons I would learn. I always liked being

in school, well, actually, only after I got to college ... all the

other school before that was terrible for me. So I am in a school

now, but the curriculum has not yet been made clear to me, except

that, for one thing I know for sure, being part of this group, doing

sadhana with the group is definitely part of the curriculum.

 

Every morning I look forward to reading the digest and imbibing all

the nuggets of wisdom that everyone shares. I look forward to our

group activities. I look forward to someday seeing Shree Maa and

Swami again, though I don't know when that will be. Mother is soft, a

gentle teacher. Swami is fun, a bit exciting in his enthusiasm, but he

can also be very blunt. Once, as part of a group I asked him, "what do

I do when something disturbs my peace of mind." His response: "Don't

let it! NOTHING is more important than your peace of mind." I am

still working on that one. I will end here because I have gone on a

bit long, I think, but again I thank you for sharing more of your

personal experience because it does help to know one is not alone.

Jai Maa ~ Linda

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yes that bluntness is very important for us, in that we can take on

that sort of stern commanding attitude with our own selves. if we

don't, then what?

 

for years and years i was angry because of my daughter's

disabilities. it wasn't only that is was something difficult

happened to her ... i was angry that MY plans were forever changed.

but i was not angry enough at the anger, and let it grow. that was a

waste.

 

so we say, "no, that is not acceptable." this we aim at ourselves

only, as you said, not judgemental of anyone else.

 

it is a matter of our focus. we are taking care of ourselves, our

peace of mind. what swamiji said is 100%. we need to protect this

within ourselves. that is our temple.

 

 

, nierika@a... wrote:

> Steve wrote:

>

> i do and i don't. we have a very disabled daughter. this causes a

> lot of burning the candle at both ends and stress of many kinds.

and

> i have suffered psychological pain.

> and he also wrote:

> but what about extreme pain. passed a kidney stone recently ...

if i had to

> live with that

> every day, i am not sure. people who have suffered can't help but

see the

> naivete of those who have not and know we are all vulnerable.

this kind of

> love-teaching like ramakrishna, like what i imagine the real

jesus to be ... they

> know, they accomodate to suffering without distorted visions of

reality

> based on personal strength, etc.

>

>

> Dear Steve,

>

> Thank you more for sharing your own experience. I am so sad to

hear of your

> daughter, and burning the candle at both ends can cause pain in

itself if it

> goes on for too long. That is part of how I got my illness ~ being

a Type A

> person, thinking I could do it all, and doing it all, and then

thinking I

> wasn't even doing enough. Now I can do very little, and I agree

that people who

> don't go through this type of ongoing pain don't understand how

it really

> feels. They try, but they don't really know.

>

> I appreciated what you said about Ramakrishna and Jesus, because I

know that

> Jesus helped those with pain, but I did not know about

Ramakrishna. Perhaps

> I will now go and buy the book about him, "Ramakrishna As We Knew

Him." It is

> sitting in my Amazon.com "wish box." Sometimes for me, great

lessons have

> come from my struggle with psychological pain, including more

empathy toward

> others. The physical pain seems harder to learn from, but as I

said in my post

> to Jay, it has turned me more, once again, God(dess)ward. Ammachi

has actually

> healed people. Sometimes I have prayed to have my illness taken

away from

> me, but I also pray for whatever is the Mother's will. If it is

part of my

> lesson here to be in pain, then Her will be done.

>

> But I think when people go through an illness that causes chronic

pain,

> whether it be psychological or physical, they go through the same

stages of grief

> that Elizabeth Kubler Ross identified: anger, denial, bargaining,

> acceptance, not necessarily in that order. Sometimes I still get

very angry, but I

> direct the anger at myself. I feel ashamed to be so sick. My hubby

is a good

> partner because if I voice this one, he doesn't let me get away

with it. I guess

> I don't believe that bargaining works, because I just gave that

one up. So now

> I am with acceptance, which is a very big mountain to climb.

>

> I do know that I chose this life and with it I chose the

circumstances I

> would go through and the lessons I would learn. I always liked

being in school,

> well, actually, only after I got to college ... all the other

school before

> that was terrible for me. So I am in a school now, but the

curriculum has not

> yet been made clear to me, except that, for one thing I know for

sure, being

> part of this group, doing sadhana with the group is definitely

part of the

> curriculum.

>

> Every morning I look forward to reading the digest and imbibing

all the

> nuggets of wisdom that everyone shares. I look forward to our

group activities. I

> look forward to someday seeing Shree Maa and Swami again, though I

don't know

> when that will be. Mother is soft, a gentle teacher. Swami is

fun, a bit

> exciting in his enthusiasm, but he can also be very blunt. Once,

as part of a

> group I asked him, "what do I do when something disturbs my peace

of mind." His

> response: "Don't let it! NOTHING is more important than your

peace of

> mind." I am still working on that one. I will end here because I

have gone on a

> bit long, I think, but again I thank you for sharing more of your

personal

> experience because it does help to know one is not alone. Jai Maa

~ Linda

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