To Ardis and All on a very personal issue of Truth

[Guest guest]

Ardis wrote:

"That's the problem with truth. The truth is relentless. It won't

leave youalone. It keeps creeping up on you from every side, showing

you what'sreally so."

Dear Ardis and ALL,

 

I have been reading all the posts about Truth with great interest and

some confusion as I am in a dilemma about truth in my own life. I was

going to write about this once before, but it is so personal that I

decided not to. Now, I think perhaps the group may give me feedback

that could be helpful.

 

My truth is that when I was very ill and vulnerable, living with my

mother, and my father died, she manipulated me so that I gave her

$55,000 of my inheritance. She doesn't need it. Her beautiful home

and property are paid for. Her vehicles are paid for. She has all

that she needs to be comfortable, including a husband who is retired

and waits on her every whim. I do need the money. I am ill, living in

a trailer on ssdi, and what is left of my inheritance, my security, is

slowly dripping away. I am scared. I feel betrayed because I feel

that, even if I was stupid enough to give away that much of my

inheritance, my mother and stepfather should have been concerned

enough about my welfare not to have taken it.

 

There is more to this story of this sea of objects and relationships.

When I was living with my mother she lied to me about money she felt

I owed her, even though I repeatedly offered to pay rent and help out

financially, and she always said, "no." But she told my sister she had

a list of what I owed her and she was very angry about it, though she

had said nothing to me. While I was there, my stepfather kept

"hitting" on me in a variety of ways, and when I tried to tell my

mother, she sided with him. "Oh, he is just like that; it doesn't

mean anything." How can it not mean anything when someone sneaks into

your room while you are asleep and starts kissing you on the face, or

everytime the person hugs you, he kisses you on the neck, or he tells

you he wishes he could have two wives? Some of these things I could

never tell my mother because I know it would devastate her.

 

After I left my mothers to get together with my new hubby, my whole

family stopped speaking to me because they did not like him. They are

barely speaking to me now, but I am expected to be the dutiful

daughter. I am in great anguish over all of this, and it is part of

what is keeping some of the symptoms of my illness at a high level.

 

My therapist wants me to write a letter to my mother and stepfather

and let them know how I feel, speak my truth. If I do this, my whole

family will throw me away again, shun me, not speak to me. My

therapist wants me to ask for the money back. I feel I should be

detached regardless of their behavior, but it is obvious that I am

not. If I write the letter, it will be one of those karma arrows, of

that I am sure, and I will suffer the results. If I don't speak my

truth, then I am shooting the arrow at myself. I was never allowed to

speak my truth growing up, no one was. We were a family who lived in

denial ~ denial of the abuse that was occurring constantly, denial of

my father's alcoholism, denial of our feelings.

 

My sadhana during Navaratri helped me a great deal, even though all I

did was the 32 names of Durga 11 times each day, and read one chapter

of the Chandi each evening. I am continuing this, even though

Navaratri is over because it has become a kind of flow for me.

 

Perhaps the real truth is that my family is part of that sea of

objects and relationships that our sadhana is to help us steer

clearly through, without getting caught up in. But perhaps you can

see how confusing this is for me. I wonder what Swami would say? I

know what Shree Maa would say: "Ask for nothing and love God."

Perhaps it really is that simple, but I will welcome any feedback any

of you have for me on this sticky wicket of truth. Jai Maa ~ Linda

[Guest guest]

no one answer for all, except maybe those very big answers

like "love god."

 

another way of looking at it is, dealing with everything on its own

level, so to speak.

 

we can meditate every day for 10 hours and still have a life or

relations that are a mess.

 

things are in flux. each have their own unique context.

 

gradually we change, the situation changes, even ends. we just need

to live long enough to see that.

 

that person has his problems. my advice is to not protect him.

that's me talking.

 

take care of yourself. let them take care of themselves.

 

we can break everything into very broad categories with an ultimate

aim. the goal is unity.

 

you can deal with each thing on it's own level, all supporting the

ultimate goal.

 

do the sadhana. there, you did it, maybe an hour or so a day. it

will influence the mind over time.

 

then you get up from the puja. you might need to call a lawyer.

someone might not do that, but then you might do that. there, you

are taking care of business. there is no right/wrong in this.

remember the story of the snake that didn't hiss?

 

at night you think, what is right? we can think about the virtues of

a devotee. what are they? we all know it is not to be abused. the

devotee can practice fearlessness as well as love; courage; all

those good things. if today was not so good, better tomorrow. very

matter-of-fact, with self love, love everywhere.

 

on we go, solving problems. we need to think. what is important? the

goal. what supports the goal? i need the required materials to live.

who supports my life in well-being? you want your day to day life to

run as smoothly as it can. some people cannot accept that. they are,

unfortunately, "wrong association." sometimes they must be avoided.

is that so wrong? it is the way it is sometimes.

 

ALWAYS we must accept "as it is." we can also see that shifting.

 

the greeks knew, a life without great conflict or contradiction is

mostly not a life that amounts to much. we take these contradictions

and somehow make something good. you can make this good.

 

eventually maybe the mind becomes greater and all these things fall

within a little bucket that we are carrying lightly. until then, we

have to drink from that bucket, that means, we might need to flter

that water.

 

s

 

 

, nierika@a... wrote:

>

> Ardis wrote:

>

> "That's the problem with truth. The truth is relentless. It

won't leave you

> alone. It keeps creeping up on you from every side, showing you

what's

> really so."

>

>

>

> Dear Ardis and ALL,

>

> I have been reading all the posts about Truth with great interest

and some

> confusion as I am in a dilemma about truth in my own life. I was

going to write

> about this once before, but it is so personal that I decided not

to. Now, I

> think perhaps the group may give me feedback that could be helpful.

>

> My truth is that when I was very ill and vulnerable, living with

my mother,

> and my father died, she manipulated me so that I gave her $55,000

of my

> inheritance. She doesn't need it. Her beautiful home and property

are paid for.

> Her vehicles are paid for. She has all that she needs to be

comfortable,

> including a husband who is retired and waits on her every whim. I

do need the

> money. I am ill, living in a trailer on ssdi, and what is left of

my inheritance,

> my security, is slowly dripping away. I am scared. I feel

betrayed because I

> feel that, even if I was stupid enough to give away that much of

my

> inheritance, my mother and stepfather should have been concerned

enough about my

> welfare not to have taken it.

>

> There is more to this story of this sea of objects and

relationships. When I

> was living with my mother she lied to me about money she felt I

owed her,

> even though I repeatedly offered to pay rent and help out

financially, and she

> always said, "no." But she told my sister she had a list of what

I owed her

> and she was very angry about it, though she had said nothing to

me. While I was

> there, my stepfather kept "hitting" on me in a variety of ways,

and when I

> tried to tell my mother, she sided with him. "Oh, he is just like

that; it

> doesn't mean anything." How can it not mean anything when someone

sneaks into

> your room while you are asleep and starts kissing you on the

face, or everytime

> the person hugs you, he kisses you on the neck, or he tells you

he wishes he

> could have two wives? Some of these things I could never tell my

mother

> because I know it would devastate her.

>

> After I left my mothers to get together with my new hubby, my

whole family

> stopped speaking to me because they did not like him. They are

barely speaking

> to me now, but I am expected to be the dutiful daughter. I am in

great

> anguish over all of this, and it is part of what is keeping some

of the symptoms of

> my illness at a high level.

>

> My therapist wants me to write a letter to my mother and

stepfather and let

> them know how I feel, speak my truth. If I do this, my whole

family will

> throw me away again, shun me, not speak to me. My therapist wants

me to ask for

> the money back. I feel I should be detached regardless of their

behavior, but

> it is obvious that I am not. If I write the letter, it will be

one of those

> karma arrows, of that I am sure, and I will suffer the results. If

I don't

> speak my truth, then I am shooting the arrow at myself. I was

never allowed to

> speak my truth growing up, no one was. We were a family who lived

in denial ~

> denial of the abuse that was occurring constantly, denial of my

father's

> alcoholism, denial of our feelings.

>

> My sadhana during Navaratri helped me a great deal, even though

all I did

> was the 32 names of Durga 11 times each day, and read one chapter

of the Chandi

> each evening. I am continuing this, even though Navaratri is over

because it

> has become a kind of flow for me.

>

> Perhaps the real truth is that my family is part of that sea of

objects and

> relationships that our sadhana is to help us steer clearly

through, without

> getting caught up in. But perhaps you can see how confusing this

is for me. I

> wonder what Swami would say? I know what Shree Maa would say: "Ask

for nothing

> and love God." Perhaps it really is that simple, but I will

welcome any

> feedback any of you have for me on this sticky wicket of truth.

Jai Maa ~ Linda

[Guest guest]

Dear Linda,

 

I am sorry to hear of your situation , but happy to know that

Sadhana is helping you. Sadhana sure helps clear out the cobwebs in

our minds.

 

I also wanted to offer my two cents. IMHO, sometimes we have to

take a step back and look at it from an objective perspective.

 

Think that this happening to someone we know and wish well, and had

no attachment towards the outcome. What would we do ?

 

We would want the best and most loving closure - not to exploit or

be exploited by the situation. It might involve a redrawing of

boundaries among the people.

 

I guess, we have to do whatever makes pragmatic sense , but in our

hearts we know that this is yet another test sent our way by God to

see what we make of it.

 

Let us keep the Serenity prayer in our minds

 

God, grant me the

SERENITY - to accept the things I cannot change

COURAGE - to change the things I can

and

WISDOM - to know the difference

 

 

Best wishes

Latha

[Guest guest]

, nierika@a... wrote:

> My therapist wants me to write a letter to my mother and

stepfather and let

> them know how I feel, speak my truth. If I do this, my whole

family will

> throw me away again, shun me, not speak to me. My therapist wants

me to ask for

> the money back. I feel I should be detached regardless of their

behavior, but

> it is obvious that I am not. If I write the letter, it will be

one of those

> karma arrows, of that I am sure, and I will suffer the results. If

I don't

> speak my truth, then I am shooting the arrow at myself.f you have

for me on this sticky wicket of truth. Jai Maa ~ Linda

 

Hi Linda,

 

Namah Shivaya.

 

Let's see if we can see things a little bit differently.

 

By having the inclination to not do what your therapist is saying

(talk to them to ask your money back), you are right in saying that

you are shooting the karma arrows at yourself.

 

But If you actually do what (s)he is telling you to do, you are not

shooting the karma arrows (i.e. generating more karma). rather, this

would be the right action to finish this line of karma for you.

 

DO IT. Just don't expect to get an easy response from your family.

In that sense, you will suffer the results. But, once you have done

it and gone thru it fully, you will realize that you can "trust

yourself to stick it out for yourself". AND THAT'S A HUGE KARMA

REDUCTION, imho!

 

Let me put it another way.... take your therapist to be your

(temporary?) guru (if you trust him/her all the way), and obey him

implicitly.

 

Your feelings of "being betrayed" will go away soon.

 

I feel for you deeply.

 

Jai Ma!