To Latha on Sadhana vs Surrender

[Guest guest]

Latha asked:

What came first in your life - Surrender to the Guru ... and then

following his/her instructions to do sadhana ?orDoing sadhana in the

hopes of getting a Guru or finding your Guru ? And then surrender and

seva to them ?

Dear Latha and All,

 

I think, for me, doing sadhana, has really come first. This group has

taken me quite a way where that is concerned. At first, the sadhana

seemed like a chore, and, due to my illness, the amount of time I can

spend is not long. Consequently, I compare myself with others and say,

I am not doing very well, etc. But I realize I am doing the best I

can; I am doing more than I was a year ago, 6 months ago, a month

ago. I have come to look forward to the prayer times, the seva, the

sadhana. I find myself hungering to spend more time doing it, and

little by little, I am able to add a bit more.

 

I have love for the guru, for Shree Maa and Swami, and also for Amma.

I have love for all the holy people I have met, the avatars, etc. But

have I had surrender. I don't think so. Maybe I am still too stubborn,

and maybe part of the reason for my illness is to teach me surrender.

I have to accept limitations that I don't want to accept. Do I accept

them willingly? Sometimes. Sometimes I am still upset and angry. This

is the truth. Yet a glimpse of the face of one of these Beloved

Teachers (I have many pictures) often penetrates deeply into my

heart. Maybe surrender is not far behind. Jai Maa , Jai Swamiji ~

Linda