Digest Number 779

[Guest guest]

Raj Steve Talwar wrote:

What does the urban sadhu do when people around him get too physical?

Dear Steve ~ I will be interested in what Swamiji has to say about

this. From both a psychological and physical point of view, we need

to have boundaries (which is a kind of paradox when we are seeing to

achieve oneness), but this is no more than saying we need to have

correct discrimination. Sometimes when people start to become too

physical, you can just remember your boundaries, and, in a sense,

step back from the situation (physically or just emotionally ~ either

way most people will get it). If a person doesn't get it, then you

might have to actually speak up and say something like "I'm not

comfortable with this."

 

I will relate to examples from my own experience. Many years ago, I

was singing at a "home party." Some of what I did was pure

performance and some involved the other people. The last song, which

is one of the peak experiences of my life, was to have everyone sit

in a circle and hold hands and sing along with the song. At one point

I looked over and saw a very little girl, her head facing upwards, her

hest pushed out, as though she were reaching for something or being

filled with something, and she had a huge smile on her face. No

problem so far. I then sang a few more pure performance songs. When I

was done, I saw this group of men descending on me. It was one of the

clearest instances when I have "seen" what was really going on. When

I sing, I put all the energy, love, devotion and connection I am

capable of into singing. I saw that these men were like hungry fish,

looking to mate. For one second, it freaked me out, then I turned

away and began to talk to someone, thereby fending them off.

 

Another example is from a few Christmases ago. My daughter was

visiting, and we had invited a friend to join us for Christmas

dinner. We already knew she was a very touchy, feely person, but

during the course of the day her behavior became more and more

disturbing. At one point, she was dancing very provocatively in the

kitchen, and when Doug walked in, she attempted to get him to join

her. There were several other occasions when she directy "came on" to

Doug, both physically and flirtatiously. Shortly after, Doug took her

outside and told her he was very uncomfortable with her behavior and

she needed to respect our relationship.

(This got major points for Doug in my book.) She was so upset by this

boundary setting that she left and never spoke to us again.

 

I think both of these experiences showed me the need for correct

discrimination and also the very important need to protect the

integrity of our own boundaries. In the case of the singing, I was

transported, in a kind of trance, and full of joy and connection. I

was not about to let anyone intrude on that feeling. I don't know if

this is the kind of thing to which you were referring, but I hope it

helps. Blesings ~ Linda

[Guest guest]

hi linda, isn't if strange, we both need our boundaries and yet we

desire unity. at a cosmic level we want to unite, at a human level we

can love and give but we also need dignity and respect. we certainly

need separation to meditate and do puja and focus on goals.

 

, nierika@a... wrote:

>

> Raj Steve Talwar wrote:

>

> What does the urban sadhu do when people around him get too

physical?

>

>

> Dear Steve ~ I will be interested in what Swamiji has to say about

this.

> From both a psychological and physical point of view, we need to

have boundaries

> (which is a kind of paradox when we are seeing to achieve oneness),

but this

> is no more than saying we need to have correct discrimination.

Sometimes when

> people start to become too physical, you can just remember your

boundaries,

> and, in a sense, step back from the situation (physically or just

emotionally

> ~ either way most people will get it). If a person doesn't get it,

then you

> might have to actually speak up and say something like "I'm not

comfortable

> with this."

>

> I will relate to examples from my own experience. Many years ago, I

was

> singing at a "home party." Some of what I did was pure performance

and some

> involved the other people. The last song, which is one of the peak

experiences of

> my life, was to have everyone sit in a circle and hold hands and

sing along

> with the song. At one point I looked over and saw a very little

girl, her head

> facing upwards, her hest pushed out, as though she were reaching

for

> something or being filled with something, and she had a huge smile

on her face. No

> problem so far. I then sang a few more pure performance songs. When

I was done,

> I saw this group of men descending on me. It was one of the

clearest

> instances when I have "seen" what was really going on. When I sing,

I put all the

> energy, love, devotion and connection I am capable of into singing.

I saw that

> these men were like hungry fish, looking to mate. For one second,

it freaked

> me out, then I turned away and began to talk to someone, thereby

fending them

> off.

>

> Another example is from a few Christmases ago. My daughter was

visiting, and

> we had invited a friend to join us for Christmas dinner. We already

knew she

> was a very touchy, feely person, but during the course of the day

her

> behavior became more and more disturbing. At one point, she was

dancing very

> provocatively in the kitchen, and when Doug walked in, she attempted

to get him to

> join her. There were several other occasions when she directy "came

on" to

> Doug, both physically and flirtatiously. Shortly after, Doug took

her outside

> and told her he was very uncomfortable with her behavior and she

needed to

> respect our relationship.

> (This got major points for Doug in my book.) She was so upset by

this

> boundary setting that she left and never spoke to us again.

>

> I think both of these experiences showed me the need for correct

> discrimination and also the very important need to protect the

integrity of our own

> boundaries. In the case of the singing, I was transported, in a kind

of trance,

> and full of joy and connection. I was not about to let anyone

intrude on that

> feeling. I don't know if this is the kind of thing to which you

were

> referring, but I hope it helps. Blesings ~ Linda