to Berijoy on Guru Gita- Henny

May 23, 2005

beloved henny,

thank you so much for your elegant mail. and thank you for sharing

your ideas with me. as you suggest here and as chris mentioned also, i

know or understand the things you say in my head. it is making the leap

to my heart that i seem to have difficulty doing. even if i know that

swamiji and shreemaa, for example, are the 'real deal' intellectually

(which i do believe), what is this resistence? chris' questions helped

me understand that it is a fear response. now i see what i have to

address in prayer. even though i have an intellectual understanding of

this there is she in me who is afraid to trust that that opening, who

stands guard at the gate to my heart, afraid to surrender to the guru,

that that trust won't be misplaced. there is the fear of being

vulnerable even to god because just maybe...i will be

hurt or my heart broken.

wow. i don't think i really ever realized this in quite this way

before. it is not normal that i would even have raised the question in

a forum or with a group of people that i don't 'know.' in this regard i

think i have spoken because of the efforts of you and linda t, whose

questions and comments always seem to make you (in my opinion )

vulnerable to chastisement or ridicule. (of course, i don't believe

this would really happen in this forum but the fear is there anyway).

anyway, thank you again. i think i have a lot to consider.

Be Love,

Berijoy

`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/

....

The spiritual path wrecks the body And afterwards restores it to

health.

It destroys the house to unearth the treasure, And with that treasure

builds it

better than before. ~ Jellaludin Rumi

-=-=-

....

Even if youre on the right track, youll get run over if you just sit

there. ~Will Rogers

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