Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 hi, i am a new member, please consider this intimate question although i am new here ruchi's dream gives me the inspiration to ask the question that is on my mind today....perhaps some of you have some insight? i find that, after more intense periods of sadhana, which are responded to so inutterably shiningly by Herself, the purity of the energy inevitably wanes and almost immediately the ego tries to grab hold of the experience. this can manifest in arrogant thoughts, angry ones, disgusted ones, what have you. while i can observe this phenomenon in moments from a distance, and in moments remember to offer it all to Her for transformation, over time there is a tendency (habit? laziness?) to grasp onto all that muck that arises and identify with it, instead of using it as an opportunity to purify (which i sincerely believe it is--up until the moment of grasping.) to make it worse there is then an egoic reaction *against* the very fact that this is happening, and so it becomes a silly feedback loop of struggle between Self-Deprecation and Self-Conceit. aacckk! it seems as if as free as one becomes for a time, one then plunges into an equidistant opposite of mental bondage/garbage. any suggestions or thoughts on this one? thank you for any insights you may have. Jai MA!! ~leela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Leela, It is all her divine grace. To put that in easier to digest words try thinking of it this way. When the energy comes, she does so to clean house, to make a suitable home and garden for her to flourish in. She must kick up some dust while she's vacuuming it, she must throw a little water on the windows to make them clear, and she must carry out a great deal of garbage. As she does, she will make you aware of what she's doing. She must -- after all it is within you that she's doing all the cleaning. She respects you so much, that she's showing you all the stuff she's cleaning and throwing away so you can say, "Yes Maa, please take out that trash." The feelings and thoughts that you experience after intense sadhana are the fruits of your sadhana. They may feel bad, but that's only because your mind is labeling them. They are not bad, they are not good, they are trash and Maa wants to carry them out to her Havan Kund. Your egoic mind reacts to these fruits simply because it sees some of itself going away and it doesn't like that. This is the time when you can shine, because if you realize before, during or after the reaction that you are about to, are currently, or just finished reacting to Maa's house cleaning, then you can stop and say, "Oh Maa! Please accept my humble appologies! I did not mean to disrespect your wonderful boon, I simply don't know any better yet." Then say with as much devotion and love as you can muster, "Please Maa take all these feelings and thoughts away and leave me pure so you can rest peacefully in my heart." All the asuras will rear their ugly heads at some point or another during this process, this is natural and expected, don't be confused by their presence. The fact is, if you feel them and recognize them, they are about to die. The goal is to recognize them for what they are and offer their heads to Mother. She does the chopping, she does the cleaning, and she takes final residence in the home of King Suratha when they are defeated. I love your post. I love you. Keep up the wonderful and beautiful sadhana. > hi, > > i am a new member, please consider this intimate question although i > am new here > > ruchi's dream gives me the inspiration to ask the question that is on > my mind today....perhaps some of you have some insight? > > i find that, after more intense periods of sadhana, which are > responded to so inutterably shiningly by Herself, the purity of the > energy inevitably wanes and almost immediately the ego tries to grab > hold of the experience. > > this can manifest in arrogant thoughts, angry ones, disgusted ones, > what have you. while i can observe this phenomenon in moments from a > distance, and in moments remember to offer it all to Her for > transformation, over time there is a tendency (habit? laziness?) to > grasp onto all that muck that arises and identify with it, instead of > using it as an opportunity to purify (which i sincerely believe it > is--up until the moment of grasping.) > > to make it worse there is then an egoic reaction *against* the very > fact that this is happening, and so it becomes a silly feedback loop > of struggle between Self-Deprecation and Self-Conceit. > aacckk! > > it seems as if as free as one becomes for a time, one then plunges > into an equidistant opposite of mental bondage/garbage. > > any suggestions or thoughts on this one? > > thank you for any insights you may have. > > Jai MA!! > ~leela > > > > Links > > / > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 persist. om. lovingly. , rr <durgakali8> wrote: > hi, > > i am a new member, please consider this intimate question although i > am new here > > ruchi's dream gives me the inspiration to ask the question that is on > my mind today....perhaps some of you have some insight? > > i find that, after more intense periods of sadhana, which are > responded to so inutterably shiningly by Herself, the purity of the > energy inevitably wanes and almost immediately the ego tries to grab > hold of the experience. > > this can manifest in arrogant thoughts, angry ones, disgusted ones, > what have you. while i can observe this phenomenon in moments from a > distance, and in moments remember to offer it all to Her for > transformation, over time there is a tendency (habit? laziness?) to > grasp onto all that muck that arises and identify with it, instead of > using it as an opportunity to purify (which i sincerely believe it > is--up until the moment of grasping.) > > to make it worse there is then an egoic reaction *against* the very > fact that this is happening, and so it becomes a silly feedback loop > of struggle between Self-Deprecation and Self-Conceit. > aacckk! > > it seems as if as free as one becomes for a time, one then plunges > into an equidistant opposite of mental bondage/garbage. > > any suggestions or thoughts on this one? > > thank you for any insights you may have. > > Jai MA!! > ~leela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 Leela, Your acute self-observation is inspiring. Don't you just hate how ego fouls even the most sublime experience with its grimey grasping hands? Lately, every time I notice this I ask Mother to please cut the head from my ego. Eventually, I know She will. Jai Maa! Chris , rr <durgakali8> wrote: > hi, > > i am a new member, please consider this intimate question although i > am new here > > ruchi's dream gives me the inspiration to ask the question that is on > my mind today....perhaps some of you have some insight? > > i find that, after more intense periods of sadhana, which are > responded to so inutterably shiningly by Herself, the purity of the > energy inevitably wanes and almost immediately the ego tries to grab > hold of the experience. > > this can manifest in arrogant thoughts, angry ones, disgusted ones, > what have you. while i can observe this phenomenon in moments from a > distance, and in moments remember to offer it all to Her for > transformation, over time there is a tendency (habit? laziness?) to > grasp onto all that muck that arises and identify with it, instead of > using it as an opportunity to purify (which i sincerely believe it > is--up until the moment of grasping.) > > to make it worse there is then an egoic reaction *against* the very > fact that this is happening, and so it becomes a silly feedback loop > of struggle between Self-Deprecation and Self-Conceit. > aacckk! > > it seems as if as free as one becomes for a time, one then plunges > into an equidistant opposite of mental bondage/garbage. > > any suggestions or thoughts on this one? > > thank you for any insights you may have. > > Jai MA!! > ~leela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 thank you, everyone for your beautiful words. i feel like you've brought me back to Reality! and thanks, too, to Ruchi, for starting her wonderful thread; this topic also seems so pertinent just now, and you have all shared such beautiful wisdom. yes, Brian, it is indeed All Her Grace. how amusing that we can keep forgetting...... may Her blessings shower continuously upon all of you in an eternal fountain of flowers and jewels, ~leela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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