Hindu woman as life partner

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Hindu Woman as Life Partner

 

Copyright Prabuddha

Bharata

By Dr. Usha Kapoor

 

Hinduism regards man and woman as the two halves of the eternal

Being, each constituting a vibrant, existential part, quite

incomplete in itself. In the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, Prajapati,

the primordial God, divides himself into two-man and woman, the

symbols of cosmic polarity deriving sustenance from the same

source.1 In the cosmic scheme man represents Purusha (the Person,

Spirit) and woman Prakriti (Nature, Primal Matter), both of whom

unite to keep the world going. So goes the Vedic verse: `I am He,

you are She; I am song, you are verse; I am heaven, you are earth.

We two shall here together dwell becoming parents of children.'2

 

The Matrimonial Ideal

 

Marriage is the coalescence of complementary opposites for pleasure,

progeny and self-fulfillment. The cosmic model of the marriage of

Surya, the daughter of the Sun, with the Asvina twins (who defeated

the prime suitor, Soma, in a racing contest) determines the praxis

of the Hindu concept in this respect.3 Being equal halves of one

essence, husband and wife are parents in joy and sorrow and in the

fulfillment of the fourfold aim of life-dharma (ethical perfection),

artha (material advancement), kama (pleasure) and moksha

(liberation). Neither is superior to the other as each has different

natural functions to perform and social obligation to fulfill.

Hinduism expects the partners to shed their individual identities to

become one at the physical, mental and psychical levels before

transmuting the material relationship into a spiritual one. Says the

Rig Veda in the context of `Surya Vivaha': Bless now this bride, O

bounteous Lord, cheering her heart with the gift of brave sons.

Grant her ten sons; her husband make the eleventh' (10.85.45).

 

Nowhere do the Vedas say that woman is man's property, as she came

to be considered in certain periods of history. Nor it is enjoined

that her role shall be subordinated to that of her husband. This is

evident from the sukta of Surya's bridal in the Rig Veda: Enter your

house as the household's mistress. May authority in speech ever be

yours!' 10.85.26). 'Watch over this house as mistress of the home.

Unite yourself wholly with your husband' (10.85.27). `Here dwell ye,

be not parted; enjoy full age, play and rejoice with sons and

grandsons in your own house' (10.85.42). `Act like a queen over your

husband's father, over your husband's mother likewise, and his

sister. Over all your husband's brothers be queen' (10.85.46).

 

In the Hindu rite of marriage, when the bridegroom holds the hand of

the bride, he in a way promises his companionship on equal terms.

When he asks her to tread on the stone, he wants her to be strong

like it and not show weakness of any kind in any situation. `Resist

the enemies; overcome those who attack you.'4 Subsequent rites of

marriage like the oblation of parched grain, circumambulation of

fire and the tacking of seven steps by the bride are equally

dignifying for the girl. After the seventh step is taken the

bridegroom tells her that they have come closer to each other. `With

seven steps we become friends. Let me not be severed from your

friendship. Let not your friendship be severed from me'.5 Obviously

`friendship implies equality, not submission.' Before the departure

of the bride from her parental home, the bridegroom touches her

heart and reiterates the same feelings, adding that the Lord God has

brought them together: `I hold your heart in serving fellowship. …

You are joined to me by the Lord of all creatures.' After reaching

her husband's home, the bridegroom makes her look at the polar star

after sunset and exhorts her to `be firm with me' `bear children'

and stay together `a hundred years' (1.8.19).

 

All this shows in an ideal Hindu marriage the girl is not a

commodity but a respectable human being. Although monogamy is

preferred and divorce discouraged, as the couple is believed to be

united for ever in this and the next world, the smrtikaras and other

like Kautilya allow the dissolution of some forms of marriage such

as the brahma, daiva, arsa and prajapati with the consent of both

parties in certain circumstances.

 

An Equal Half

 

The Hindu woman as life partner has a fourfold character: she is

ardhangini, one half of the her husband, metaphorically speaking;

sahadharmini, an associate in the fulfillment of human and divine

goals; sahakarmini, a part to all her husband's action and

sahayogini, a veritable cooperator in all his ventures. Husband and

wife together are called dampati, joint owners of the household,

sharing work in terms of their biological, psychological and

individual dharma. The former provides the seed (bija) and the

latter the field ( ksetra) for its fructification, so that humans

could be perpetuate in the cosmic process of evolution. Both have

the joint responsibility of helping their children grow in all

respects, but the contribution of the wife is always immense.

 

As life partner the Hindu woman has equal right to participate in

religious right to participate in religious rites and ceremonies; in

fact, certain sacrifices like the Sita harvest sacrifice, the

Rudrayaga for suitable sons-in-law or the Rudrabali sacrifice for

material prosperity are performed by women alone. Hindu lawgivers

like Gobhila and Asvalayana ordain that no ritual or sacrifice can

be complete (sampurna) without the presence of the wife. Even Rama

had to order for Sita's statue in gold to make up for her absence

during this asvamedha sacrifice. In the Ramayana, Rama's mother

Kausalya offers oblations to the fire god Agni and Tara performs the

Svastyayana ritual for the success of her husband Vali against

Sugriva. Women of those days were quite learned in the Vedic lore.

Draupadi was a brahmavadini and Tara an adept at reciting mystic

syllables. Oghavati, Arundhati and Sulabha possessed a thorough

knowledge of the Vedas and imparted religious knowledge even to

rishis. The spiritual attainments of Savitri and Anusuya have become

legendary. In the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad one meets women of wisdom

such as Maitreyi and Gargi. The former abandoned wealth for wisdom

and the latter entered into a debate with sage Yajnavalkya at the

court of King Janaka. Much later, Bharati, the wife of Mandana

Misra, carried forward the tradition by acting as judge in the

philosophic debate between her husband and Shankaracharya. When she

found her husband losing the debate, she emphatically told

Shankaracharya that his victory would be complete only if he could

defeat her, since she constituted her husband's better half.

 

The Vedas give a married woman the right to talk and debate

independently. The wife is the home (jayedastam), says the Rig

Veda.7 Besides, she is treasure house of happiness,8 a point

elaborated by Manu in a much more explicit way: `Women must be

honored and adorned by their fathers, brothers, husbands and

brothers-in-law who desire (their own) welfare.'9 Where women are

honoured, there the gods are pleased; but where they are not

honoured, no sacred rites yield rewards, (3.56). `Offspring, (due

performance of) religious rites, faithful service, the highest

conjugal happiness and heavenly bliss for the ancestors and oneself

depend on one's wife alone' (9.28).

 

Manu declares that the perfect man is one who constitutes a trinity

made up of his wife, himself and their offspring (9.95), The wife

being a gift from the Gods (9.95),she ought to be supported to the

end of her life. If Manu points out of seductive nature of women

(2.213-4), he is equally unsure of the unbridled passion of men. He

advises that wise men must not be in the company of even their own

mothers, sisters or daughters in a lonely place, for they may

deviate from the right path (2.215)! Manu regards woman as a

precious unit of the family and of society but denies them absolute

freedom due to their physical vulnerability. He, however,

distinguishes between the noble and virtuous and the degenerate

women, and like other smrtikaras, criticizes those who are

faithless, fickle, sensuous, immodest, quarrelsome and loose. `Day

and night women must be kept in dependence upon males and if the

attached themselves to sensual enjoyments they must be kept under

one's control' (9.2). Manu prescribes capital punishment for killers

of women, exempts pregnant and old women from paying fines and

suggests that as mater of courtesy, they should be given precedence

when crossing the road.

 

Such is the protection given to the Hindu wife in the Dharmashastras

that she cannot be abandoned by her husband even if she in dulges in

sexual congress outside marriage or is raped. Both Devala and

Yajanavalkya opine that a raped woman cannot be divorced as she

becomes pure after menstruation. The latter adds that the wife can

be abandoned if she conceives a baby from another person, kills a

brahmin or insinuates against her husband; if she is a habitual

drinker, suffers from prolonged illness, is cunning, treacherous,

sterile, exceptionally extravagant, or uncouth. But even in these

cases she should be fed and clad well and properly looked after.10

An abandoned woman without an issue or a male protector becomes a

social responsibility, says Manu.11 If anyone grabs her property

during her lifetime, that person deserves to be punished like a

thief (8.29.352).

 

When Kalidasa wrote that women go the way of their husband as

moonlight follows the moon or lightning the cloud,12 he meant

thereby that they were not different from each other. The Hindu

scriptures lay emphasis on harmony between husband and wife that is

so essential for family peace and prosperity. Harmony requires

understanding, which can only be among equals. In the Rig Veda, the

couple jointly pray: ` May all Devas and Apas unite our hearts. May

Matarisva, dhata, Destri all bind us close.'13 The highest duty of

man and wife says Manu, is to be faithful to each other. While the

supreme duty of the husband is to safeguard his wife, to care for

her needs and necessities, and to keep her happy with gift and

presents, the wife is expected to be pious and chaste, sincere and

faithful to her partner, gentle, suave, skilled and sweet- tongued.

 

The Pativratya Ideal

 

The observance of the pativratya dharma by a women is not tantamount

to servility and subordination. Marital fidelity is greatly valued

in the Hindu tradition as it leads to family harmony and bestows

occult powers. A woman who sees the Lord in her husband and makes

him her very life cannot deviate from the path of virtue; and virtue

is power itself. There are many examples of Hindu women who as life

partners made great sacrifices, underwent trials and tribulations,

and some times showed their thaumaturgic powers born of chastity

(satitva). Gandhari covered her eyes with a strip of cloth as her

husband Dhritarashtra, the king of Hastinapura, was blind. Madri,

one of Pandu's wives, burnt herself on the funeral pyre of her

husband, a practice which remained current in some Indian

communities and regions down to the British period, when it was

banned in 1829. Sita accompanied Rama to the forest during the days

of his exile, kept her chastity intact while in the custody of

Ravana, the king of Lanka, and went through the agni pariksa so that

her husband could fulfil his raja dharma. Savitri confronted Yama,

the god of death, and saved the life of her husband. Sati Anusaya

turned the Hindu trinity of gods into children. Littérateurs like

Kalidasa and Tulsidas became men of learning because of their wives.

During the Muslim invasions, many women committed jauhar (the custom

of entering a bonfire when the defeat of their menfolk was certain)

in order to preserve their chastity. The resistance put up by Rani

Lakshmi Bai of Jhansi (widow of Gangadhar Rao) and the Rani of

Ramgarh (widow of Raja Lachman Singh) against the British during the

rising of 1857 has few parallels in history. Countless Hindu women

participated along with their husbands in India's struggle for

independence.

 

Although the concept of pati-paramesvara (regarding one's husband as

god) has suffered an erosion in the wake of women's empowerment,

respect for the husband continues, as is evident from the observance

by Hindu women of such traditional vows as Vata Savitri, Haritalika

and Karka Chaturthi - all aimed at a long and happy conjugal life.

 

Nowhere do the accredited Hindu scriptures ordain that women should

be abused, disgraced, chastised without reason or divorced in

ordinary circumstances. Yet expectation from women as life partners

have been many and varied. The best female partner, according to a

popular Sanskrit adage, is one who renders advice like a minister,

obeys like a maidservant, feeds like a mother, pleases like the

nymph Rambha, acts as a veritable companion, and has the forbearance

of Mother Earth.

 

References

 

1. Brihadaranyaka Upanishad, 1.4.3.

 

2. Atharva Veda, 14.2.71.

 

3. Rig Veda, 10.85.20-47.

 

4. Sankhyayana Grihya Sutras, 1.13.12.

 

5. Hiranyakeshi Grihya Sutras, 1.6.21.2.

 

6. paraskara Grihya Sutras, 1.8.8.

 

7. Rig Veda, 3.53.4.

 

8. Atharva Veda, 14.2.26.9.

 

9. Manu Smriti, 3.55.

 

10. Yajnavalkya Smriti, 1.72-4

 

11. Manu Smriti,8.28.

 

12. Kalidasa, Kumarasambhava, 4.33.

 

13. Rig Veda,10.85.47.

 

Bibliography

 

1. G Buhler, The Laws of Manu (New York: Dover,1969).

 

2. P V Kane, The History of Dharmashastra (Poona:Bhandarkar

Oriental Research Institute, 1941).

 

3. Usha Kapoor, Women and Welfare : A Study of Voluntary

Agencies (New Delhi : Indus,1995).

 

4. Raimundo Panikkar, The Vedic Experience: Mantramanjari

(London: Darton, Longman 1977).

 

5. Herman Oldenberg, Grihya Sutras (Delhi: Motilal Banarsidass,

1973).

 

Partner in Faith

 

The sage [-woman] placed her hand on the head of Sita and said: `It

is a great blessing to possess a beautiful body; you have that. It

is a greater blessing to have a noble husband; you have that. It is

the greatest blessing to be perfectly obedient to such a husband;

you are that. You must be happy.'

 

Sita replied, `Mother, I am glad that God has given me a beautiful

body and that I have devoted a husband. But as to the third

blessing, I do not know whether I obey him or he obeys me. One thing

alone I remember, that when he took me by the hand before the

sacrificial fire-whether it was a reflection of the fire or whether

God himself made it appear to me-I found that I was his and he was

mine. And since then, I have found that I am the complement of his

life, and he of mine.'

 

Swami Vivekananda, ` The Women of India'

 

Editor – I have always believed that India's future is intertwined

with the status accorded to her women. The more we respect her, the

more she prospers the more India will progress. Unfortunately

India's attitude to women and sex is influenced by Victorian

concepts and Islamic influence. Let us resolve to allow the Indian

women to blossom! Also read:

 

1. `A Tribute to the Indian Women' – the article traces the status

of the Indian women from Vedic times to 1947. Click Here

 

2. Marriage Ceremony in English - Click Here Long Live Sanatan

Dharam August 2005

 

 

Hindu Women Hinduism