query for Jan and you

March 4, 1999

Can anybody tell me, or direct me to sources, about the transformation

of feeling states as the "me" slowly becomes more and more transparent?

I seem to remember Jan writing about this on the k-list and I'd like

more detail. I'm not talking about clearly personal emotional

responses (or the clearly transcendent bliss states, for that matter),

but rather about subtle feeling states that seem to arise spontaneously

through the body and then, just as simply, disappear. They don't feel

personal to me though I can feel the ego's desire to falsely ascribe

personal content to them. I call it Shakti Weather. Holly

March 4, 1999

At 03:33 PM 3/4/99 -0600, Holly N. Barrett, Ph.D. wrote:

>hbarrett (Holly N. Barrett, Ph.D.)

>

>Can anybody tell me, or direct me to sources, about the transformation

>of feeling states as the "me" slowly becomes more and more transparent?

>I seem to remember Jan writing about this on the k-list and I'd like

>more detail. I'm not talking about clearly personal emotional

>responses (or the clearly transcendent bliss states, for that matter),

>but rather about subtle feeling states that seem to arise spontaneously

>through the body and then, just as simply, disappear. They don't feel

>personal to me though I can feel the ego's desire to falsely ascribe

>personal content to them. I call it Shakti Weather. Holly

Dear Holly,

I have two ways of understanding these experiences, but I am also confused

by them sometimes. Sometimes it is very clear that these often sudden

feeling states, are coming from someone around me--someone I pass by in a

store, or at work, etc. Sometimes they come from being in a place where

something very intense has happened, and then they feel like psychic

"weather" (I like your term, Shakti Weather)--if I am running in the

cemetary, my favorite place for running lately--and there has been a recent

burial, then I tend to experience a wave of grief when I pass near the

spot, before I see that there has been a burial. This is one example among

many; being near the scene of a recent death or crime is another more

disturbing scene for these experiences of feeling the feelings of those who

recently experienced the trauma.

The second way I understand these is of a sort of emotional clearing of

past stored stuff. I often get waves of grief or sadness which seem like a

clearing of stored personal emotion, and the feeling may come for just a

few minutes, and it is not really painful, but more like a little passing

storm. I do not feel really involved in it, but more as if I just need to

attend to it, witness it, and let it go. There is usually a sense of

greater peace after one of these experiences. They tend to increase

following a fast or other purification activity.

There is an area of confusion for me though, where sometimes I can't tell

if I am processing something of "my own" or someone else's. I think,

"where did that come from?", and even find myself looking around for a

source.

Is this similar to your experience?

Jill

March 4, 1999

> hbarrett (Holly N. Barrett, Ph.D.)

>

> Can anybody tell me, or direct me to sources, about the transformation

> of feeling states as the "me" slowly becomes more and more transparent?

> I seem to remember Jan writing about this on the k-list and I'd like

> more detail.

[...]

What I remember is the disappearance of shyness; without any effort it

melted down. Another effect was becoming sensitive to the thought currents

in my environment. At first, it was unpleasant as there was no way to switch

it off; later my resistance for having to experience the intimacies of

others melted down and at the same time I became transparent to the

information; it didn't cause any reaction and didn't leave an impression. My

"own" feelings became almost absent; not knowing what was happening

(spontaneous sadhana) I was turned inwards completely, irrespective of

occupation.

The transparency continued and it became possible to sense electrical fields

even with the eyes. During the long walking meditations it happened that the

feeling of touch and gravity disappeared; being a smoker at that time it was

strange not to feel the effect of smoke, even when smoking through the nose

These states didn't last long as they were rather dangerous - a scar on

the left foot marks the spot where a big nail penetrated the foot; it wasn't

noticed until the shoe did no longer fit the infected foot. The states were

never personal; rather, there was the awareness of "increasing" emptiness

(personality dissolving). The dissolution of "ego", becoming "spacious", was

a "real" joy during almost the entire process.

Jan

March 4, 1999

Richard Moss (www.radical-aliveness.com) goes into this in some detail in

his books. Basically there can be many changes, not only in feeling states

but in physical states.... hormonal changes can occur, etc. Mr. Moss calls

this "Awakening of Kundalini," I've also heard it called simply "kundalini

energies." Sorry, I can't help more but there is probably a wealth of

information out there (and as usually seems to be, well-hidden :-/).

At 03:33 PM 3/4/99 -0600, you wrote: