ego - (long)

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Watch out!!!

I had a flu of "verbose" here...

 

It's mostly questions i ask myself from time to time. I use words of

others, for they express better things that i could in english. Also,

the mind of another acting as a mirror always help me to see new places

of my "soul" in a new wonderful way. So here as some remarks here in

there:

 

Robert said:

"Right. So building a personality to me involved a fundamental concept

of self (as opposed to "other"): there's me, and there's all that other

stuff.

 

Antoine:

>From where does come from this line that allows the necessary practical

(who is sometimes not necessary and not practical or even fun) illusion?

 

Robert:

"How I feel/think about it is a reflection of my sense of self."

 

Antoine?

What is that mirror, how could it ever come to be born? Does anyone here

remember the very first time he or she stated recognizing him/herself in

a mirror as a child? Remember the vertigo felt then, at that very first

sigh, to what "you" came to start to get used to call "me", or antoine

in my case. I'm not used to recognized that antoine as "me" yet. Still a

suprise when i open my eyes each morning. Guess i need to grow in

someway ...

 

Robert:

"And this illusion that I create is done in order to maintain some

semblance of boundary between "me" and "not me". This in turn enables me

to decide things in contrast to the surrounding field of manifestation."

 

Antoine:

I really wonder if the boundary is necessary even for the very practical

things, like walking, catching a bus, else... "I" experience sometimes,

a state where it is the Universe acting in the Universe, all could be

liquid, solid, pure energy, it's all there. All that is not there is the

antoine. (No it's not exact, a part of the antoine seems to be left that

is processing data with all it's cells and the limit of is crystallized

ego like no computer can, it's a humming in the very background when the

body needs to move) Nothing decides where this body antoine should go or

what it should do then. It can even drive it's car in big traffic like

that. It's so beautiful to find out that behind the "random" movements

like would say Tim, there is in fact something out there coordinating

what we see or feel as outside and inside. I surf on the horizon then,

boy do i love it... Sigh...

 

Robert

"For example, I can decide to run for the bus because I believe that it

is important to catch it in order to be carried to a place where I can

carry out an action that accords with a belief or value that I deem

important to me at present. I can of course change my mind and my values

to accommodate missing the bus... or I can choose to be upset that the

bus left without me, according to my sense of what is important to me.

Either way, my beliefs, illusions that they are, are part of what I call

my ego, my illusion that "I" exist

(and that, by extension, anything else does).

 

Antoine:

What do you do about pure and simple spontaneity? I find it the most

hardest "thing" to seek in this world, but boy do i feel bless when it

surprises me at the very lest expected moment, and just lift me up,

opens me like a flower into "i really don't know how to call it."

 

I can see what Harsha wrote about "who is it who is asking?" or maybe i

can't...

 

How can i call back the spontaneity of those eternal moments, i wonder?

Koans,or questions like asking who is it who is asking, seem to have a

magical way to train our minds to "listen" to this magic flow of

spontaneity. But when It "decides" to open to Itself is always

surprising to the "I" asking and so... mysterious. I sometimes wish I

could touch any person who ask for it with that magic to discover. Guess

i have to learn, first, someway to stay in it all the time, and in all

situations first. Yet the more it goes the less i understand or see the

concept of others, or outside and inside.

 

Robert:

(...) And that to me is where all this ego stuff becomes an art, one

which we can just lightly drop when we no longer need it. It seems to me

the issue is: how subtle but practical can you make your ego, such that

it needn't become your whole existence, and points like a compass

towards the thing that shows it as the illusion it is?

 

Here i'm sniffing my next paths i'm wondering to allow myself to explore

deeper. They both lead at the same place, but the vessel in which i

"take off" seem to differ from one path to the other. Something will

come to help it make its mind on the way, if needed then.

 

In one: Seek like a bee the sun, and leave everything behind you melt as

you approach the sun to sink totally in it. Burning in the sun your

small vessel, forgething totally that self in it. Path 1.

 

The second path, is seeking a greater vessel, in a deep balance as said

so well Gloria. A balance that may reach the very cells or atoms of my

being, as one limit among may of it. So i can stand on the highway and

look at the cars passing true my body of vibrating flesh for the Self,

if it wants.

 

In the first path the bee is in the sun, but the earth is as solid or

separated from the sun as before. Except for a zombie walking on it,

antoine In the second the sun comes gradually to shine on earth

behind every atom of living flesh. A very long process, of many many

generations it seems.

 

Most probably the both join as One touches Ether, which is behind

everything already. It's for me to see how i can conciliate all this

(far away from anthropomorphic words, and close to them) in this

wonderful path called life.

 

Linda:

"What you've expressed below is stated with such beautiful clarity. So

often people speak of wiping out the ego or surrendering the ego, wiping

out sexual desire or surrendering sexual desire but it truly is a matter

of embracing and surrendering. I've often wondered what purpose it

serves to surrender a part of our self that we do not understand or even

dislike."

 

Trying to Learn to love everything, like unconditionnal Love already

does, is certainly something that helps me on my path. If we come to

love everything, they must not be much left to need to surrender. Thank

you, always, for reminding that.

 

Robert:

"It seemed to me that I needed a structure of thoughts in order to

create values in order to make decisions and thereby be able to act in

the world."

 

Dharma:

"It seems that that basic structure is necessary to function in this

world... whether or not we call it ego. Someone spoke of cleaning all

the dirt and mud from a glass pane so we could see through the glass and

see

what we really are. Some people use the word "ego" to refer to the dirt

and mud, and some people use it to refer to the glass itself. I tend to

think that talking about "killing the ego" is rather dangerous for some

people. It's fine if it leads them to get rid of all the dirt and crap

hiding the glass... but if the glass itself is broken, that's another

story. Then one has to put something in its place... build a new glass

through which to focus into the world again."

 

I must say i don't really know what people refer to using the word ego.

Ima trying, reading books and all that to find out. Shri Aurobindo

talked of cellular ego, a form of ego, that was so rigid and solid at

our state of anthropological development, that opening it now can only

create great "nuclear" outburst of energy that would burn to ashes the

living tissue.

 

In his Synthesis of Yoga and Mother writting from the asrham of Shri

Aurobindo, blasting open the "higher vibrations", (i.e. close to the

crown), into what Is, is a million (to pick a number) of times more

easy for our anthropological personality than blasting open the lower

levels of vibrations that constitute what we call matter. I wonder why,

it's harder one way easier the other...

 

What prevents our direct access of the self as individuals, to open the

structures that maintains the body solid, is most probably what you

refer as people referring to dirt and mud, as in contrast to you

referring to other peoples referring to it as glass. That thing, called

ego here, is it not what maintains the class solid? If there was

absolutely no more dirt and mud in the glass would it not be more than

just transparent? Is something that can break and separated be left

after all the dirt and mud is removed? In other word wath is class

whithout absolutely no dirt or mud? if such a thing "exist" in our

anthropological terms...

 

Balance, Kill, Spontaneity...

Or is it

Spontaneity, Kill, Balance...

Hmmmmm... Maybe

Kill, Balance, Spontaneity...

 

Or why not a waltz...

 

Enjoy,

Antoine