Tim G/Gene Poole

[Guest guest]

Re: Tim G/Gene Poole

> Thu, 25 Mar 1999 17:22:37 -0800

> Tim Gerchmez <fewtch

> Re: Gene Poole

 

Greetings, Tim. Thank you for replying. My comments below...

> Dear Gene,

>

> At 03:43 PM 3/25/99 -0800, you wrote:

>

> >To be a 'singleton' is seemingly punishment in itself; but please consider

> >this. If one is an outcast by choice, by acceptance, by habit, if one

> >actually lives that life, I say that the outcast is an outcast because the

> >'main culture' is too toxic for them to bear. It is granted that such

> >outcasts 'act out' the misuse of authority that originally wounded

> >themselves; and that they thus project this 'authoritarian wounding' upon

> >those who seem unwilling to allow them to be The Father.

>

> I bow to you for your Divine Intuition (which approaches mind-reading in

> its clarity of perception). I was raised in an authoritarian environment,

> with a domineering and egocentric father (a former officer in the Turkish

> military), who never allowed any of his children to be who they were. His

> dominance, fear, anxiety and own insecurity was so great that he allowed

> nobody else in the family an ego, nor any "boundaries" of their own. If I

> recall correctly, I wasn't even allowed to walk across the street by myself

> until age 10 or so. The mother "went along with" the father, and was

> constantly caught in the middle of "power struggles" between myself and my

> father.

 

I am "familiar" with what you describe above, as a broad facet of my own

'personal history'. I have lived the destructive effects I (and you)

describe. It is not difficult for me to 'know' that one is wounded; I have

the 'identical wound'. My heart, which I am learning to trust, still

upheaves at the unthinking abuse which I see going on in 'the world'.

 

I have also 'seen' (in the past few years... I am now 51, yesterday was my

birthday) that I have somehow been a 'party' to the creation of 'all of

this'. Since I have gotten this insight (which I really cannot explain), I

have found that I can practice 'creative non-creation', IE, I practice what

I call 'abiding', which I define as the deliberate cessation of reaction.

 

This what I describe as 'non-reaction' has been a daring experiment; I

allow (yes, allow) the world to 'go on', watching my own impulse of

'aversion' and quenching it as it arises. I treat my impulse of 'desire'

the same way. Understand that I fully acknowledge that there are may 'bad

things' going on in this apparent 'world', yet, I choose (usually) to allow

what is apparently 'going on' to continue. This is the crucial part; I find

that my daring experiment has 'paid off' in the following way...

 

I have realised that I am 'creating' and 'recreating', and that I have no

idea of how this all began. The closest 'match' that I have found, exists

as the Tibetan Buddhist conception of 'Karma' and 'samskara'; I have used

these concepts to formulate my own 'version' of how this works. Apparently,

I have 'created' all of this, including my own perceived 'victimizers'; it

is now my task to 'stop creating them'. Have they been 'real' the whole

time? Apparently, yes.

 

In my own personal life, as I practiced the above, I have had my 'apparent

victimizers' come to me to apologize to me, to ask my forgiveness, and to

express the desire to be my friend. I stress that this has happened only

since I have discovered 'non-reaction/abiding' as a way of 'stopping the

recreation' of what I have experienced as a 'bad world'. Has it been bad?

Yes it has. Very bad, at times.

 

I do not know how it is that I have 'come into all of this heavy karma',

but I find that now, since I have been practicing (with difficulty)

'abiding', that things are easing. Not only that, but I am getting what I

want, IE, friends, and the 'stuff' that I have always wanted. It has not

been easy, but I am experiencing a 'taste of Grace', which indeed seems to

re-enforce my decision to 'abide' in the face of what appears to be a

'toxic world'. The key for me seems to be to cease the automatic, reactive

'recreation' of what has been so bad for me in the past. In the midst of

all of this, I have discovered my own 'power of creation', which I have

labeled as the 'Highest Siddhe'. It is really _wierd_ that in all of the

so-called 'spiritual literature' and preaching that I have been exposed to,

that _nobody_ had mentioned that we are born with this 'Highest Siddhe',

the power of creation _itself_, fully operational! Good grief! If I had

only known this 'earlier', what lot of pain I could have avoided, yes?

 

Somehow, the pain and agony of my 'historical life' has led me to this

understanding, that I am creating. You can believe that I am very humbly

retreating into careful consideration of just what I allow myself to create

(or recreate).

> >Nobody wants to live under the thumb of an authoritarian, toxic rulership;

> >if such a rulership has wounded one, one then inevitably 'acts out' their

> >pain and grief by the same methodology of the original wounder, the Great

> >Father.

>

> Most perceptive.

 

Thank you.

> >To eat one's 'toxic history' is to incorporate into oneself, that which has

> >been rejected/divorced/abondoned. It is properly used as fuel, to fire the

> >furnace of life. As such toxic material is consumed by the flames of

> >metabolism, the energy produced fuels a further growth _out_ of the

> >'lifestyle' of suffering.

>

> I bow before you again, Gene. You are one of the wisest human beings I've

> ever encountered.

 

I now state here, what I have said only to myself so far, in this

'chronicle of transformation'; I applaud your courage, Tim, and I see and

know just how hard it is to 'show up' as someone who is 'apprently

dysfuntional', again and again, without much or any understanding

manifesting from 'others'. To show up anywhere, to be 'naked' and to

somehow invite the 'cleansing whiplash' of the 'majority culture', is to

(in both real and metaphorical sense) avoid the "reward" of hiding behind a

pretend 'personality'.

 

I myself am a raw, open Being, entirely improper most of the time, by the

judgement of many who 'know me'. But some of those, have as I have said,

seen that I am growing in my own way, and have even expressed their

admiration. But what seems to escape 'them' is that I have had the 'gonzo

courage' to be myself, and to let the 'chips' fall where they may. It was

only after this (prolonged) episode of 'letting it all hang out' that I

discovered the 'principle' of 'abiding' and 'creative non-creation', of

'letting it be'. I thank those in my llife who have themselves 'abided' ME,

in all of my fury of reactive folly. Those ones, the tolerant ones, have

abided my arising out of the 'realm of terror' into this new (to me) realm

of 'bliss'. Please know, however, that I have not forgotten just how

hellish it has been, and how hellish it can be. I am very grateful (always)

for this, my life, and for whatever crumbs of 'wisdom' that I have been

fortunate to 'find'.

> >I would venture to say, that a majority of those who to these

> >lists, have been through a long ordeal of rejection and of being

> >misunderstood by others. Seeking and finding 'truth' is thus a priority, as

> >is being acknowledged as 'living in that truth'.

>

> My priority is BECOMING Truth through knowledge that I already am thus.

> Along with this comes renunciation of falsehood, of course.

 

Of course. I cannot argue wth this. As you know, for some of 'us' it is a

long and potentially exhausting struggle. That some may appear to have a

'greater facility for grace' should not shame anyone into giving up on the

goal of Being themself. One who has clawed their way out of prison, may

appear bloody and dishevelled; but freedom is what counts, not a momentary

appearance as a stressed-out Being.

> Gene, this was one of the most impressive posts I've ever seen on any

> mailing list. My bhakta for today goes to You. I love you.

>

> Tim

 

Thank you, Tim.

 

You may be interested to know that I perceive you as a 'cast-out particle

of myself' (so to speak). I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain,

by re-incorporating 'you' back into myself. This 'acceptance' is the

acceptance of my own _wholeness_. Thus, I need you. I am glad that you have

persisted in showing yourself, and again, congratulate you on your humility

in doing so, though I know it has seemed otherwise at times.

 

Abiding... can be impossibly difficult at times.

 

Having compassion for myself, in my difficulties,

 

Your 'brother' Being...

 

==Gene Poole==

 

"Community is the sharing of the burden of personality"

[Guest guest]

Greetings Gene Poole,

 

I must say that the urge to write to you after reading all your

wonderful post, is as hard to resist to than to look at the sun setting

on a valley pointing to it.

 

You raised a question...

 

<< The key for me seems to be to cease the automatic, reactive

'recreation' of what has been so bad for me in the past. In the midst of

all of this, I have discovered my own 'power of creation', which I have

labeled as the 'Highest Siddhe'. It is really _wierd_ that in all of the

so-called 'spiritual literature' and preaching that I have been exposed

to, that _nobody_ had mentioned that we are born with this 'Highest

Siddhe', the power of creation _itself_, fully operational! Good grief!

If I had only known this 'earlier', what lot of pain I could have

avoided, yes? >>

 

And you did not answer to it.

 

I don't have the answer to it either: "if I had only known this

'earlier', what lot of pain I could have avoided, yes?"

 

I don't know if a lot of pain would of been avoided, if i would of have

known what i believe is behind what you label "Highest Siddhe", or

closer to my word my own power of creation, which is already fully

operational like you say.

 

I don't know why i came to forget this Highes Siddhe, in the first

place.

 

And even worst, i don't know why from times to times i come to forget it

again or feel pain.

 

And worst even, i don't know why i want to know such things...

 

 

Any perspective welcome as much as any sunset,

The children eye,

Antoine

[Guest guest]

Dear Gene:

 

Happy birthday.

 

..

>>

>personal history'. I have lived the destructive effects I (and you)

>describe. It is not difficult for me to 'know' that one is wounded; I have

>the 'identical wound'. My heart, which I am learning to trust, still

>upheaves at the unthinking abuse which I see going on in 'the world'.

 

How true - no matter how disconnected everyone can seem during disagreements

it appears that for most going through the 'wounded' heart with strong

feelings of separation is part of the process before we can be at one in the

healed heart.

>I have also 'seen' (in the past few years... I am now 51, yesterday was my

>birthday) that I have somehow been a 'party' to the creation of 'all of

>this'. Since I have gotten this insight (which I really cannot explain), I

>have found that I can practice 'creative non-creation', IE, I practice what

>I call 'abiding', which I define as the deliberate cessation of reaction.

 

<I have realised that I am 'creating' and 'recreating', and that I have no

>idea of how this all began. The closest 'match' that I have found, exists

>as the Tibetan Buddhist conception of 'Karma' and 'samskara'; I have used

>these concepts to formulate my own 'version' of how this works. Apparently,

>I have 'created' all of this, including my own perceived 'victimizers'; it

>is now my task to 'stop creating them'. Have they been 'real' the whole

>time? Apparently, yes.

 

You speak of practicing 'creative non-creation' and finding the 'closet

match' through Tibetan Buddhist concepts. Two things stand out strongly to

me the fact that you state it as a close match and not absolute truth. That

approach underscores the fact that so many systems speak truth none may

match another's needs or experiences exactly but that does not make them

invalid. The fact that you found a technique and use it is of primary

importance. No matter if one calls it ego, intellectual mind, psychological

imbalance, etc. there are mind habits that keep us from knowing who we are

and it is only by consistent practice of some type of offset behavior can we

actually be who we are rather than trying so hard to believe that we are

perfect. I think the fact that you consciously and consistently practice

your chosen technique is more valuable than all of the books, quotes and

philosophies combined.

>In my own personal life, as I practiced the above, I have had my 'apparent

>victimizers' come to me to apologize to me, to ask my forgiveness, and to

>express the desire to be my friend. I stress that this has happened only

>since I have discovered 'non-reaction/abiding' as a way of 'stopping the

>recreation' of what I have experienced as a 'bad world'. Has it been bad?

>Yes it has. Very bad, at times.

 

My own techniques are from the system of yoga and mantra has been extremely

helpful. The 'process' has been 'very bad' at times but I too, have seen

many changes in my external life and in the behavior of others. Before I

started my own practices it seemed that there was no difference between the

past 'victim' and the current 'victim'. I can actually remember thinking

and having others tell me if you didn't have bad luck you would have no luck

>I do not know how it is that I have 'come into all of this heavy karma',

>but I find that now, since I have been practicing (with difficulty)

'>abiding', that things are easing. Not only that, but I am getting what I

>want, IE, friends, and the 'stuff' that I have always wanted. It has not

>been easy, but I am experiencing a 'taste of Grace', which indeed seems to

>re-enforce my decision to 'abide' in the face of what appears to be a

'>toxic world'. The key for me seems to be to cease the automatic, reactive

'>recreation' of what has been so bad for me in the past. In the midst of

>all of this, I have discovered my own 'power of creation', which I have

>labeled as the 'Highest Siddhe'. It is really _wierd_ that in all of the

>so-called 'spiritual literature' and preaching that I have been exposed to,

>that _nobody_ had mentioned that we are born with this 'Highest Siddhe',

>the power of creation _itself_, fully operational! Good grief! If I had

>only known this 'earlier', what lot of pain I could have avoided, yes?

>Somehow, the pain and agony of my 'historical life' has led me to this

>understanding, that I am creating. You can believe that I am very humbly

>retreating into careful consideration of just what I allow myself to create

>(or recreate).

 

I once learned that the real key to life is not in what happens to one but

how one reacts to what happens. I do believe that some people choose to

work through much karma in a particular lifetime but it does appear that

when you come through it with consciousness and see the "Grace' of each and

every event you begin to not only tune into creation itself but to realize

that you yourself are creation. Not too long ago my daughter was telling me

how a close friend was telling her that she felt so bad for how hard my life

has been that I was so held back by family responsibilities, that I could

have had so much more in life. I smiled at my daughter and she just laughed

at me and said 'Mom, it's hard for people to see just how far you've come

and how peaceful you are, they just don't understand your path.' I thought

well it's nice that my daughter can see but it's even nicer that none of

this matters because I simply am and that's really all there is.

 

Thanks for listening and sharing.

 

Linda