Guest guest Posted March 28, 1999 Report Share Posted March 28, 1999 "We are specks of awareness that project our own universe and then experience it." -- Deepak Chopra Ahh, tonight has been an interesting one. I have been reading a book entitled "The Flame and the Light," by Hugh I'Anson Fausset. Tonight I faced perhaps for the first time the primal fear of death of ego, the possibility of complete dissolution of self "into" Self. I looked the fear straight in the face, and it was terrifying. From the viewpoint of the ego it appears as a hideous blackness, a monstrous moving shifting ocean of black waters with claws and teeth that eat and destroy - and this is a true statement, for to the ego Nirvikalpa Samadhi is death. To die to the known and proceed straight into the unknown... my feet and hands grew icy cold, and the heart in this body began to palpitate. But I did not hesitate, I stood steadfast for a time, and looked directly into the heart of the fear. I considered the possibility of giving up this "personality," this artificial construct, and what it might mean. It would be wonderful if Nirvikalpa Samadhi could be seen, just for a moment, from the "other side," would it not? I'm positive that such a view would completely dispel all fear. But alas, such is not possible. I am working on accepting the fact that in order to COMPLETELY Realize the Higher Self, lower self has got to go. Not all at once, of course, unless it be the will of Divine Grace. Perhaps not even in this lifetime. But go it must. Ego must die for Self to be truly born. "Personality" itself must die, dissipate, melt into the primal ocean from which it emerged. To truly contemplate this is terrifying. Comments welcome, Tim ----- The CORE of Reality awaits you at: http://start.at/the.core Poetry, Writings, Live Chat on spiritual topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 1999 Report Share Posted March 28, 1999 Hi Tim, Now this is a nice load of ego shit. Believe it or not, I say this in love, hoping that my words might startle you enough that you'll take a good look at what you've written here and see it in a different way. Look at the romantic young hero here, taking pen in hand to record for posterity his brave confrontation with the primordial fear... absolutely terrifying... and yet he stands fast... he faces his own fear and looks into the heart of it... he sees that he must die... and he struggles... sooo hard... to accept his own death... he knows it may be a long fight... it may take all of this lifetime and even longer... but he will keep on working at it... bravely... and he works at finding the most beautiful, the most effective words to express his agony... to tell us what he is going through... and is brave enough to keep on going through... You want to know what "ego" is? It's that wonderful picture you have of yourself... it's the enjoyment in living that part of the romantic, brave young hero... I know there is truth in what you said... I believe that you thought about actually doing it... going into the All... and it was scary... You saw "a hideous blackness, a monstrous moving shifting ocean of black waters with claws and teeth that eat and destroy" - the Guardian of the Gate! Yes, a terrifying apparition... but she's there for your own good... she's a big living "STAY OUT" sign... meant to keep you from going where you're not ready to go. And it worked... she scared you. ) So what was your response? "I did not hesitate, I stood steadfast for a time..." You stood right there... for a time... And then you "looked directly into the heart of the fear." And what did you find? You found the romantic young hero... you had a scrumptious time being the romantic young hero... looking at his future death... working to accept it... knowing it will happen some day (not yet, of course). And then you had an even more scrumptious time using your gift with words to paint a dramatic picture of the romantic young hero... what fun to dramatize it all and record it all... You found the "ego," Tim... not your real ego, the I-making equipment that allows you to live as an individual, apparently separate from oneness... but the "ego" that people say has to die. It's your ego ideal, a complex image of what you are... what you _think_ you are... Think about it... If you weren't writing letters like this, would you still exist? Yes. So writing these letters isn't the real you. If you stopped dramatizing yourself, would you still exist? Yes. Go on from there... how much of all this could you go without and still exist? And still say, "I'm here. I'm still here." This stuff is all habit patterns, learned in the past... it isn't really you, it's a lot of accumulated dirt and mud and crud that hides what you really are... But it's awfully hard to give it up... most of all, because you don't _want_ to give it up. ) You enjoy doing things the way you've been doing them... if you give that up, what will you do instead? You don't even really want to give up tearing into people with the words you use so well... just couldn't resist bashing Bruce, could you?... but it's such fun. )) Saying something just the right way so it gets to him... how hard it would be to quit doing that. All habit stuff... ego crud... Are you angry at me? Do you want to write me a nasty note and tell me how awful I am to criticize you? Want to defend your image in the letter? Go ahead... but watch yourself as you do it... watch what you're doing... see why you're doing it... Defending the ego crud... the habit stuff... putting off the inevitable... "Not yet, O Lord, not yet..." )) Underneath it all, you really are a hero, Tim. When the time is right, you'll take your sword of Truth and you'll kill the dragon with claws and teeth that eat and destroy... or maybe, knowing that she's just a beneficial apparition, you'll just walk through her... and what will you find? There was a man who came from a wonderful home where there was total love and acceptance... he left home... for good reasons... he had things to do in the world... and after he was out in the world for a long time, he had forgotten his home... didn't remember where he came from... that's you, Tim. When you walk through the Guardian of the Gate... and go all the way... into the All... you'll be home again. You won't die, Tim. You'll come back from your trip home... but now you'll remember... you'll know where you come from... and who you are. Love, Dharma >Ahh, tonight has been an interesting one. I have been reading a book >entitled "The Flame and the Light," by Hugh I'Anson Fausset. Tonight I >faced perhaps for the first time the primal fear of death of ego, the >possibility of complete dissolution of self "into" Self. I looked the >fear straight in the face, and it was terrifying. From the viewpoint of >the ego it appears as a hideous blackness, a monstrous moving shifting >ocean of black waters with claws and teeth that eat and destroy - and this >is a true statement, for to the ego Nirvikalpa Samadhi is death. > >To die to the known and proceed straight into the unknown... my feet and >hands grew icy cold, and the heart in this body began to palpitate. But I >did not hesitate, I stood steadfast for a time, and looked directly into >the heart of the fear. I considered the possibility of giving up this >"personality," this artificial construct, and what it might mean. > >It would be wonderful if Nirvikalpa Samadhi could be seen, just for a >moment, from the "other side," would it not? I'm positive that such a view >would completely dispel all fear. But alas, such is not possible. I am >working on accepting the fact that in order to COMPLETELY Realize the >Higher Self, lower self has got to go. Not all at once, of course, unless >it be the will of Divine Grace. Perhaps not even in this lifetime. But go >it must. Ego must die for Self to be truly born. "Personality" itself >must die, dissipate, melt into the primal ocean from which it emerged. To >truly contemplate this is terrifying. > >Comments welcome, > >Tim > > >----- >The CORE of Reality awaits you at: >http://start.at/the.core >Poetry, Writings, Live Chat on spiritual topics. > >------ >Ideas on how we can improve ONElist? > >Check out the Suggestion Box feature on our new web site Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 1999 Report Share Posted March 28, 1999 Dear Dharma, I'll take it on faith that you're not "belittling" a very powerful (and painful) experience I had. I have to admit that your words mean nothing to me whatsoever, but perhaps someone else may "get something out of them." With Love, Tim At 12:21 PM 3/28/99 -0600, you wrote: >Dharma <fisher1 > >Hi Tim, > >Now this is a nice load of ego shit. <snipped to save bandwidth> ----- The CORE of Reality awaits you at: http://start.at/the.core Poetry, Writings, Live Chat on spiritual topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 28, 1999 Report Share Posted March 28, 1999 Tim Gerchmez wrote: > > To die to the known and proceed straight into the unknown... my feet and > hands grew icy cold, and the heart in this body began to palpitate. But I > did not hesitate, I stood steadfast for a time, and looked directly into > the heart of the fear. I considered the possibility of giving up this > "personality," this artificial construct, and what it might mean. > > It would be wonderful if Nirvikalpa Samadhi could be seen, just for a > moment, from the "other side," would it not? I'm positive that such a view > would completely dispel all fear. But alas, such is not possible. I am > working on accepting the fact that in order to COMPLETELY Realize the > Higher Self, lower self has got to go. Not all at once, of course, unless > it be the will of Divine Grace. Perhaps not even in this lifetime. But go > it must. Ego must die for Self to be truly born. "Personality" itself > must die, dissipate, melt into the primal ocean from which it emerged. To > truly contemplate this is terrifying. > >Gloria Greco: The death is to the idea and perception of separation, control, I, me, and all that comes from that individual identification of self... but in truth it is an absorbtion into Divine Will. The more that you are able to surrender into life giving up the will to control, the natural awareness of union conteracts those human thoughts of fear and anxiety. When love brings union how can there be fear and dread? Deal with the fear by consciously transforming the way you look at the process, just a suggestion. > ----- > The CORE of Reality awaits you at: > http://start.at/the.core > Poetry, Writings, Live Chat on spiritual topics. > > ------ > Ideas on how we can improve ONElist? > > Check out the Suggestion Box feature on our new web site -- Enter The Silence to Know God ... and... accept life as the teacher. Gloria Joy Greco e-mail me at : lodpress and visit our homepages at: http://users.intercomm.com/larryn/ & http://www.freeyellow.com/members/zg888/ Hope you enjoy them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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