gratitude

[Guest guest]

I am hugely grateful to all those who thought of me and sent prayers

last week and even to those who didn't but who are here to support

these lists. The short version is that I found myself in a rage at God

for no good reason (hah!) and wondered for the first time in more than

an intellectual way about having lived before. At the same time I knew

that I, the rage, the knowing, the wondering and the object of the rage

were all God and that some weird eddy of energy was passing through my

body. It hurt like hell. I needed you to pray for me because I knew

for a time I would be too mad to pray for myself. I now have much more

compassion for those (like maybe some today in Kosovo) who shake their

fists at a God who lets people suffer. With your help, I was able to

surrender to all this as best I could. I am left softened and

transparent in quiet joy and I've thought all day of how T.S. Eliot

borrowed from Julian of Norwich...

 

Quick now, here, now, always --

A condition of complete simplicity

(costing not less than everything)

And all shall be well and

All manner of thing shall be well

When the tongues of flame are in-folded

Into the crowned knot of fire

And the fire and the rose are one.