Guest guest Posted July 31, 1999 Report Share Posted July 31, 1999 I write to introduce myself and tell you about my life so far and to hear myself talk, so feel free to move on if I bore you. My name is Jim, I’m 33, white, male, living in the midwestern United States. I’ve been aware of the choices of a spiritual path for around 5 years and have devoted more and more of my attention to it over the course of the last year. Many of the things I have ‘learned’ recently I feel have always been a part of my life, I just wasn’t aware of them, or perhaps I had forgotten, which is closer to the feeling. I can’t say that I’ve experienced any great revelation recently, but insights have been abundant. I’ve had an unusual life experience thus far and I love who I have become. But it has been difficult and confusing. I have, in the last few years, come to realize how different my childhood was from most people I have known and how it has burdened me with certain social disfunctions. While I won’t go into the ugly details, I lived a great deal of my childhood, until around the age of twelve or so, in isolation. I wasn’t really aware of the isolation at the time. I can’t explain it, and I don’t have much memory of the period. However, at the age of twelve I had a kind of awakening, and it is there where most of my memories become clearer. Up until that time I was silent and shuffled easily through the educational system, my invisibility act well developed by the age of 5 or so. The great benefit of this early isolation was that although I didn’t know it, I was my only companion most of the time, and since I had the openess of a child’s mind, I gained a certain intimacy with the inner workings of my Self. I learned many things that I take for granted from childhood that are often spoken of in scriptures from around the world. The image of the ship on a calm sea parallels the feeling or realization that occured at 12. I recognized it as the only realistic approach to life. The disadvantage of isolation was an inability to grasp the image others had of me and how to interact with them, I was uninterested in the social signs and signals that dictate the human pecking order. I couldn’t accept that it was ever necessary to understand such things, they were transparent and a waste of energy when you could opt to just ‘be’, without the desire driven emotional swings. Then I forgot it all again...sort of. The ‘I’ I found was still in isolation, but in a new way....I believed I could seperate myself from the unreceptive and hostile world...life has gone to great lengths to show me otherwise. There was a time when I would not have written this or cared what anyone else would have to say about my experiences. The next ‘stage’ occured at around 25, I was in the U.S. Marine Corps. (yes, it’s true, and there are stories...man, are there stories). I was in uniform during the ‘Gulf War’. I 'realized' where I was and made rapid arrangements to exit ‘stage’ left (pun intended). I realized that I was in the business of death and I simply didn’t have it in me....that I could never be a good Marine because I lacked the sort of aggresion required. Shortly thereafter I became interested in the topics discussed in forums such as this. In no small part due to the efforts of an evangelical christian Marine who volunteered to go to the Gulf. I stayed in the states, as a “casualty replacement” which meant that if Sean, my evangelical friend, died over there, they would send me...it scared me to think that I might be asked to fight, but I wasn’t afraid for Sean, he had the protection of God. I was a practicing atheist at the time, but I felt Sean’s protection, I can’t explain it. I told Sean not to go, that he lacked the imagination to see how it would change him, he saw it as a matter of honor, I still don’t know who was right. The latest stage of my development, over the last 8 years has been away from the highly structured environments I had experienced up to my discharge from military service. Now I work in the measurement science business and it is a fascinating angle from which to view the world. I have everyday exposure to realities like ‘every measurement has a certain amount of uncertainty’ and using physical ‘constants’ to verify test instruments makes me smile and wonder. My life is mostly work and practice and both at the same time whenever possible. I figure I’ve got the rest of my life to get wherever I’m going and the scenery has been unbelievable so far... I would like advice from anyone who recognizes my position and has something to say that might nudge me along, it seems whatever I need appears when I need it and this outpouring happened rather suddenly, so perhaps you know something that I could benefit from. Thank you in advance. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 1999 Report Share Posted July 31, 1999 In a message dated 7/31/99 2:00:14 AM Pacific Daylight Time, Jimshead writes: << I would like advice from anyone who recognizes my position and has something to say that might nudge me along, it seems whatever I need appears when I need it and this outpouring happened rather suddenly, so perhaps you know something that I could benefit from. Thank you in advance. >> Hi Jim... Welcome! I have found that when I am 'in the flow'... things just fall into place -- all my needs are met, no matter the order of difficulty. I love this place (!) and find the only thing I can give in return is appreciation for all things. Your smile and wonder of the things in your world are wonderful gifts to yourself. Seems to me you are right where you are supposed to be, and whatever your needs are for nudging you to where you want to be, will just show up. Life is a great mystery, and if we only follow the clues, which are all around us, will we see this mystery unraveled in all its beauty. Glad you are here with us! Love, xxxtg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 1999 Report Share Posted July 31, 1999 I enjoyed very much your words and thoughts Jim. Please share more. You are in good hands .. your own. Seems you feel guidance moving you already. It would be improper for me to ad anything to what youhave already written except to say .. I am sorry that you had to bear such uncomforting boundaries .. If you have any more specific questions it would be easier to know what to share with you. Col Jim Scroggins wrote: > I would like advice from anyone who recognizes my position and has > something to say that might nudge me along, it seems whatever I need > appears when I need it and this outpouring happened rather suddenly, so > perhaps you know something that I could benefit from. Thank you in > advance. > > Jim > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 1999 Report Share Posted July 31, 1999 > I write to introduce myself and tell you about my life so far and to > hear myself talk, Hello Jim, Welcome, i like you already Antoine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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