[iam] Fog of unknowing

[Guest guest]

Harsha wrote:

 

Perhaps it is this fog of "unknowing" that one must intuit clearly and

hold onto. It can bring the existential sorrow and universal tears to some.

It can bring one to his/her knees as the ontological storms appear to rage

on all sides. One has to learn to live with it, I believe, on some paths at

least. Gradually and slowly and carefully and mindfully one travels this

road which leads nowhere really, because where can any road go. Just to

another destination. And then what? Where does one go then? But perhaps

this metaphysical loneliness when carried to the extreme allows the

surrender to take place. A weary and a tired traveler is ultimately left

without a choice. Perhaps it is the preface to recognizing Grace and that

Supreme Aloneness that is Whole and One, and THAT I AM.

 

Melody:

A couple of days ago I told someone that I felt as

though I was on the outside looking in. After saying

this I was struck at how the feeling of being 'on the

outside' of things pervaded every area of my life right

now. (What divine orchestration I say now, looking

backwards.)

 

And that feeling of being 'an outsider' kept building

every minute it seemed. When I began feeling like an

'outsider' among people on these lists it 'broke the dam'

so to speak.

 

I signed onto Jerry's chat room for a few minutes yesterday.

I felt like someone fully clothed walking into a nudist

colony. Or actually, it felt more like someone coming to

a party sober after everyone else had already gotten drunk.

 

And then it felt as if I was being laughed at...because

I was different, and didn't belong....different from the

people I've chatted with for over a year. Man oh man.

(And I know that I'm opening myself up for others to laugh

at me some more...for being 'serious' again, but at this point

I don't care anymore.)

 

I can't imagine what else there is to lose at this point.

 

So, your post spoke to me Harsha. And, even inside the

tears, I'm greatful.

 

Love,

Melody

[Guest guest]

Melody <melody

 

Harsha wrote:

 

Perhaps it is this fog of "unknowing" that one must intuit clearly and

hold onto. It can bring the existential sorrow and universal tears to some.

It can bring one to his/her knees as the ontological storms appear to rage

on all sides. One has to learn to live with it, I believe, on some paths at

least. Gradually and slowly and carefully and mindfully one travels this

road which leads nowhere really, because where can any road go. Just to

another destination. And then what? Where does one go then? But perhaps

this metaphysical loneliness when carried to the extreme allows the

surrender to take place. A weary and a tired traveler is ultimately left

without a choice. Perhaps it is the preface to recognizing Grace and that

Supreme Aloneness that is Whole and One, and THAT I AM.

 

Melody:

A couple of days ago I told someone that I felt as

though I was on the outside looking in. After saying

this I was struck at how the feeling of being 'on the

outside' of things pervaded every area of my life right

now. (What divine orchestration I say now, looking

backwards.)

 

And that feeling of being 'an outsider' kept building

every minute it seemed. When I began feeling like an

'outsider' among people on these lists it 'broke the dam'

so to speak.

 

I signed onto Jerry's chat room for a few minutes yesterday.

I felt like someone fully clothed walking into a nudist

colony. Or actually, it felt more like someone coming to

a party sober after everyone else had already gotten drunk.

 

And then it felt as if I was being laughed at...because

I was different, and didn't belong....different from the

people I've chatted with for over a year. Man oh man.

(And I know that I'm opening myself up for others to laugh

at me some more...for being 'serious' again, but at this point

I don't care anymore.)

 

I can't imagine what else there is to lose at this point.

 

So, your post spoke to me Harsha. And, even inside the

tears, I'm greatful.

 

Love,

Melody

 

And you will always be welcome at Melody. You have come and

gone many times. But you are in our hearts.

 

Harsha

[Guest guest]

Melody wrote:

> Melody:

> A couple of days ago I told someone that I felt as

> though I was on the outside looking in. After saying

> this I was struck at how the feeling of being 'on the

> outside' of things pervaded every area of my life right

> now. (What divine orchestration I say now, looking

> backwards.)

>

> And that feeling of being 'an outsider' kept building

> every minute it seemed. When I began feeling like an

> 'outsider' among people on these lists it 'broke the dam'

> so to speak.

>

> I signed onto Jerry's chat room for a few minutes yesterday.

> I felt like someone fully clothed walking into a nudist

> colony. Or actually, it felt more like someone coming to

> a party sober after everyone else had already gotten drunk.

>

> And then it felt as if I was being laughed at...because

> I was different, and didn't belong....different from the

> people I've chatted with for over a year. Man oh man.

> (And I know that I'm opening myself up for others to laugh

> at me some more...for being 'serious' again, but at this point

> I don't care anymore.)

>

> I can't imagine what else there is to lose at this point.

>

> So, your post spoke to me Harsha. And, even inside the

> tears, I'm greatful.

>

> Love,

> Melody

 

 

andrew:

It's nice to hear from you again, Melody.

I was one of the people in the chat room when you dropped by,

and I must admit the mood was pretty silly. With that many people

in that format, theres a tendency for conversation to be

reduced to one liners because of the difficulty of keeping

several conversations going at the same time. I wasn't laughing

at you as far as I recall, or anyway no more than I was laughing

at anyone else or myself.

I often feel like an outsider. I have a feeling many people

who to these lists do too. Each in a different way.

 

 

andrew

[Guest guest]

>

>And you will always be welcome at Melody. You have come and

>gone many times. But you are in our hearts.

>

>Harsha

 

 

Thank you, Harsha. That was nice to hear.

 

My friends have always called me a gypsy....not only because

I can't seem to stay put geographically, but because I've

had enough different occupations....I could have been the

entire Village People all by myself.

 

What am I talking about? I AM the village people. <s>

 

Remember 'Y-M-C-A' ?

 

How about 'Macho, macho, man" ?

 

I'm also one of the few people I know who admits to

having *liked* the Village People!

 

What can I say? I always laughed when I danced to

their music.

 

lightly,

Melody