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i have not fallen off the planet...yet...

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but i did total one car... stoplight was not 'red' so i did not stop, boom,

crash, one hysterical hour of my life started. (so much for the yogic calm

mind...)

 

there was an older gentleman at the scene chiding me like he knew i should

know better 'material object, you could have been dead!'.

 

sudden urge to go into the forest for a few years and meditate on the nature

of mind...

 

stupid knot i have near my heart chakra is back too, makes it painful to sit

in mediation for too long, it *hurts*.

 

sangha friend is caring for someone dying, another sangha member goes to New

mexico, probably to die from her leukemia.

 

i have a new job. looks like a new car now too.

 

last january, we all got this big initiation, which started this very

strange year. First i got sick with Epstein-Barr, which finally seemed to

go away with a Medicine Buddha initiation. Work drives me to panic attacks,

so i get a new job. i start having precog-sort of flashes again, but i never

listen to them, they told me something was wrong with my commute yesterday.

So i am less one car.

 

So its understandable i would rather run away into retreat.... stare at the

floor and question reality until it explodes...the things i do for fun ;)!

At this point tho, i would be like Luke Skywalker on Star Wars, would have a

bad precog flash and i would run back into things at the wrong time trying

to help.

 

oh well, enough whining, may all beings be free from suffering!

 

--janpa

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