Annette/shaming, power, and compassion

[Guest guest]

At 09:51 AM 1/31/00 -0500, you wrote:

>RainboLily

>

>Dear Dan,

>

>These are well thought out points you make. Let me ask you a few

>sincere questions. Would it have been better she did it privately,

>which would have been more elegant and diplomatic? Or, do

>you think it was important that she made it public so that the

>women in the hotel knew they had someone on their side?

 

Hi Annette -

I think it would have been helpful without public shaming (since that

is what was considered problematic in the first place). Announcements

can be made matter-of-factly about situations where there is

a public need to know. The letter came across as gloating over

the demolition of a foe; the view seemed to be that the "evil" is

"out there," thus justifying the stance taken.

For me, it's always ironic to see the "victor" perpetuating the

same "evils" as the "vanquished". Nonetheless, I suppose

we are all able to see "others'" power-trips more easily

than our own. I don't consider myself a saint (I'm sure that

surprises you), and I understand enjoying a sense of power

about controlling a situation so that outcome fits with

one's desires. There is something here about the idea of controlling

to get a desired outcome - few humans are beyond this, and those

that are, are hiding pretty well. Just part of the games

we all play...

>Let's remember Janet is dramatic, it is part of her psychological

>archetype and she does exagerrate and tell the story for laughs also.

>Yes, she probably does get off on the power, but let's remember

>she's very unsophisticated, grew up on a poor farm without alot

>of exposure and she was indignant at the maid's obvious humiliation.

 

O.K. I'll remember that. Fair enough :-)

 

We each interpret these

stories differently and draw different "lessons" from them.

For me, the lesson is that power dynamics are ever-present in

human interactions, and assumptions about the "good" guys

and the "bad" guys may not always clarify that issue.

 

Anyway, it was an interesting tale - thanks for sharing it.

 

Love,

 

Dan