intro/tg -- sequal #2 - Star Wars

[Guest guest]

I came out of 'the light' while driving to an appointment. I was elated

still, though a little confused over what actually occurred! Over the next

five days, I felt the same grace, yet without the actual perceiving and

quietness of the mind. Whoever I would see told me I looked radiant... or

that I glowed, although only a few could literally see light surrounding me.

It seemed as if I were pregnant, as you hear the same thing during those

times! LOL Even my doctor I saw during this time said "Tg, you are just

glowing!"

 

After these five days of peace, came four terrible days of darkness. Total

disconnection from God, my source, my peace. There was not one thing I could

do to connect again, and believe me, I tried everything! I was so

disillusioned. I didn't know what was happening.

 

Miraculously, then came four more days of peace, where nothing really

mattered. I felt so full of grace once again. I'm back! During these

times, I received many revelations that could fill books, but took only a

moment to receive. I was so happy and at peace!

 

Whoops... spoke too soon. Now came three full days of darkness and

disconnection again. Even the world looked different -- it was so grey.

Where was my peace? I could not find it for the life of me.

 

Back again. Now I had three days of beautiful wonderful grace. It now

became apparent of the timing, since I noticed the ups and downs of the

5-4-4-3-3 days so far. I began keeping tabs on the calendar, as during my

days of peace, I would miss a day or two at a time and not recall what

happened at all.

 

I realized I was giving birth to something -- what, I had no idea! It felt

very much like expansion/contraction, expansion/contraction, that got closer

and closer as each day passed. Except the expansion was the peace, and

contraction was the darkness. I only hoped and prayed this *birth* would be

me being in the light for all time. I also realized it had been almost nine

months since the (impregnation?) of my diligent search for God began. No

wonder I couldn't stop myself! I was now giving birth to my own Christ

within!

 

I had no idea what that meant.

 

I went through two more days of peace and total connection to God, then two

days of disconnection. Then one day of peace and one day of disconnection.

Although that last day of darkness was bleak and heartbreaking, as all of

them were, I couldn't help but feel that tomorrow was *the day*. I couldn't

wait. I added impatience and hope to my darkness.

 

DM:

March 26, 1993: The next morning, sure enough, I was feeling much better,

and connected again. It was more of a quiet than bliss and elation. I was

so excited and could not wait to see what was going to occur!

 

I was dressed and headed for work. I was given a mantra (internally) to say

over and over while driving. This wasn't unusual, as I was given steps to

do all along. I just went along with it -- I had no idea if it was real or

not. It was more in the form of a knowing, than a voice. So I said it,

over and over and over -- "I need do nothing; I am already there." Mind

you, I was still driving. I merely expected to find peace again.

 

The next thing you know, came a knowing, a realization, that blew my socks

away! Oh my! I said to myself "Oh my God! Everyone is already there!

Penny is there, Danny is there, Ma is there (etc etc - I named ooodles of

people, I was sooo amazed!).

 

In the next moment, I am being sucked up into a vortex tunnel -- to the right

and above me -- where I went through at such an enormous speed! I could feel

my face being windswept, it was so fast. Oh my! What was happening??

 

As I was being swept up into this whirlwind, the thought occurred to me that

I had thought I was the first to *make* it of everyone I knew. But what I

discovered, was that I was literally the last!!! Talk about mindblowing and

humbling. It gave a whole new meaning to 'the first shall be last'. As

I was coming to the end of the tunnel, it *felt* (not seen) as if everyone

was standing there clapping -- ''yayyyyyy she finally made it!" (Took long

enough)

 

I had been lifted up to a place of no time -- I was in the beginning of time

and the end of time... all in the present moment. It looked like outer

space -- like I was a million miles from earth, looking down on it.

 

All in that moment of no time, came the realization of.... what?

Remembering.

 

I realized I had been in *time* for what seemed like thousands and thousands

of years. I began hysterically crying with the realization that I did NOT

want to go back to time as I knew it! "Don't send me back!" I screamed

repeatedly. I was filled with such joy for being back to this original

state, yet filled with such fear of returning. There was no veil to lift

that I could see. I was happy to be back... to be here once again! The

fear of having to return to time as I knew it was the worst. That had to be

the veil, although I don't know for sure, and the fear was so bad at that

time, the thought never occurred to me.

 

I saw many things -- how the ego works, how robotic we are, how our strings

are pulled, like puppets. There was NO way I wanted to go back to that!

While in the midst of my fearful thoughts of having to return, I would be

whooshed back, through the tunnel, where I would find myself in my car,

driving, once again.

 

Oh my! What just happened?? I could feel amnesia beginning to sweep over

me. There was NO way I was going to forget this... so I began repeating out

loud "I am NOT going to forget this, I am NOT going to forget this!" After

saying that a few times, I would be whooshed back to the same place, only to

get hysterical again, remembering... then the fear would come of having to

return... and then being whooshed back to the car.

 

You'd think I would have gotten dizzy, as this going back and forth happened

several times. LOL With each time, I would constantly repeat that I would

NOT forget this. EVER. This was way too important.

 

I didn't get to stay. I suppose my fear was too much, or that wasn't the

purpose of the whole thing. I do not believe that anyone could be prepared

for this. It was just too mindboggling. It was the greatest fear I, or

anyone, IMO, could ever face, yet I would return a million times to face it

again to have the chance to let go of the fear I felt. If only to see what

would happen, if anything. Many times afterwards, I only wished I had not

said these words that I didn't want to forget. I no longer wanted to

remember. It was too painful. The whole thing didn't make sense.

 

Unbelievably, I was still driving the car. What seemed like hours during

this whole experience, must have been just a moment driving. It was a

miracle I didn't wreck. When I finally came back to settle in driving, with

the remembrance of what I experienced, and now with a new and great desire

for completion, I looked up and saw a billboard that said ''Call

1-800-333-3333". That's all it said. I looked at the digital clock -- it

was 11:22am. (another 33). The date was 3/26/93 -- a 33 day. To me, 33 is

the number for the Christ Consciousness. I have no idea if these numbers

were significant... just thought I'd mention it. I found out later the

billboard phone number was for the Sheraton Inn. LOL

 

With the remembrance I brought with me, I could not stop crying. It was

heartbreaking for me, and I was still pretty much hysterical in the car. I

knew I couldn't go to work, so I drove to a friend's house, where she held me

in her arms for the next three hours while I cried non-stop like I've never

cried before. I didn't talk, nor could I open my eyes.... just sob

uncontrollably... until this HUGE awful pain stabbed me in my mid-back. It

threw me to the floor where I writhed and screamed to make it stop. God,

that hurt. Luckily, my friend was a healer, and she did some kind of healing

work that eliminated the pain eventually. I knew nothing about kundalini at

the time.

 

The remembrance became unimportant for a while though, as through Easter day

of that year -- I believe it was April 11, I felt connected and happy. Most

of those days I was blissed out of my goard -- more of an ego bliss -- it

felt more high, rather than the peaceful balanced grace state, although I

didn't recognize this at the time. I just knew I was all powerful and could

do anything! I did and said many stupid and embarrassing things I won't go

in to here. But every time I did something to show off my ego -- and I did

plenty -- I would lose the bliss, and would not, could not, get it back for

hours. Then I'd get it back, and go right back to ego bliss. Then get

knocked down again. Over and over and over and over. It felt as if someone

was whacking me on the back of my knees with a baseball bat, to STAY down on

my knees in humbleness, rather than ego. Every time, I thought I would

finally *get* it with the next opportunity -- remain humble -- yet I didn't.

My ego was having a field day.

 

I noticed also during this time, I began manifesting instantly. Whatever

thought I had, would be made manifest right then and there. I didn't have

the good sense though to use this gift properly. It takes great preparation

of your mind to handle this gift. Seeing the instantaneousness of

manifesting our thoughts, has shown me how powerful our perceiving can be,

and how unimportant it really is... or important to perceive Truth instead.

 

This *gift* ended up being a nightmare to end all nightmares. It's a long

story and I won't go into it. But because I had a *thought* I was

disconnected from God at one point, I was. And I believe that was what began

six months of my dark night of the soul. It was the most heartbreaking time

of my life I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

**********************

 

Thanks for reading this if you got this far! This is so far-fetched, it

even seems impossible to me. If anyone knows the yogic name of this state,

if there is one, would you let me know? There is so much more, but this is

long, and I hope it isn't boring to you.

 

Much Love,

xxxtg