Harsha/10 Commandments of Self-Esteem

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At 08:49 AM 2/12/00 -0500, you wrote:

>"Harsha (Dr. Harsh K. Luthar)" <hluthar

>

>Bruce Morgen wrote:

>

>> Bruce Morgen <editor

>>

>> On Fri, 11 Feb 2000 20:01:18 -0500 Greg Goode <goode writes:

>> > Greg Goode <goode

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Catherine Cardinal, Ph.D.

>> > _The_Ten_Commandments_of_Self-Esteem_

>> > Kansas City: Andrews McMeel Publishing, 1998

>> > ISBN: 0-8362-5196-2

>> >

>> > ======================

>> >

>> > I. Thou shalt not consort with people who make thee

>> > feel bad about thyself.

>>

>> That'd make a lot folks into

>> instant hermits, don't you

>> agree? Not saying that's

>> necessarily a bad thing, of

>> course....

>> >

>> > II. Thou shalt cease trying to make sense out of

>> > crazy behavior.

>>

>> Hmm, that sort of closes off

>> any sort of counseling as a

>> vocation, doesn't it?

>> >

>> > III. Thou shalt not keep company with those more

>> > dysfunctional than thyself.

>>

>> ..assuming that one is functional

>> enough to make a useful

>> comparison of dysfunctionalities.

>> >

>> > IV. Trust thy body all the days of thy life

>> > (thy mind doth fornicate with thee).

>>

>> Bodies are often no more

>> trustworthy than minds.

>> Trust me on that....:-)

>> >

>> > V. Thou hast permission at all times to say "no,"

>> > to change thy mind, and to express thy true

>> > feelings.

>>

>> This person has obviously

>> never had to find and keep

>> gainful employment in a

>> typical commercial or

>> institutional setting.

>> >

>> > VI. What is not right for thee is not right for

>> > thy brethren.

>>

>> It is not right for me to

>> eat meat, can I now tell

>> my neighbors to quit their

>> barbeques next summer?

>> >

>> > VII. Thou shalt not give beyond thine own capacity.

>>

>> As far as I can tell, there

>> is no limit to capacity, nor

>> does anyone "own" it!

>> >

>> > VIII. What thy brethren think of thee mattereth naught.

>>

>> The jails and psych wards

>> are brimming with people who

>> feel this way, no?

>> >

>> > IX. Wherever thou art, therein also is the party.

>>

>> *Now* we're talkin'! :-)

>> >

>> > X. Thou shalt sing thine own praises all the

>> > days of thy life.

>> >

>> > Number (VI) takes a bit of interpretation. She means that

>> > judgmental of

>> > myself, being a martyr, giving beyond my capacity, is not good me,

>> > and doesn't benefit others either.

>> >

>> IMO Dr. Cardinal's recommendations

>> require *a lot* of context to be

>> useful, Greg -- as a standalone

>> prescription, they fall down --

>> *hard.*

>>

>>

>

>That is pretty funny Bruceji. I think Danji will find your comment on

number 2 to be particularly relevant! :--).

>

>Harsha

 

Well-said, Harsha-ji.

Bruce-ji made some

intriguing observations here -

thanks, Bruce. And thanks

Gregji for the original post.

 

Regarding number 2:

Craziness is, like many things,

in the eye of the beholder.

There is none of us not doing

the best that we can.

Walk a mile in my moccasins,

and so on. However, I

see a truth

underlying the perhaps

dogmatically stated rule

number two. Such

truth is a recognition that

one needn't participate

in one's own exploitation

by trying overly hard

to undertstand an exploiter's

rationale for why exploitative

behavior makes sense.

 

Perhaps, interpreting somewhat

liberally, we can see number two

referring to this kind of demand:

"You owe it to me to understand

and accept my crazy behavior,

see it as making sense the way

I do, and show your compassion

by allowing me to continue to

do the same, even if you

are hurt." A person certainly

may say, "no" to this out of compassion

for one's own limits, need for

safety, or just peace and quiet.

 

Perhaps if these commandments

are not viewed dogmatically,

one may find an underlying

concept that "it's okay to

care for myself".

Probably some of these

rules are stated

for the person

who has learned to care for

others without feeling

a sense of permission

to care adquately for self,

has not learned to say

"no" when "no" would

mean compassion to one's self.

 

Love,

Dan