The List

[Guest guest]

Dear Harsha,

After our last exchange of letters l d to your list and have

been silently lurking there for the last week or so. l haven't introduced

myself to the list because l just wanted to get a feel for it, as you

suggested. You have many excellent people on this list -- many who l

recognize as once being on Angelique's list -- and l can tell you are doing a

first rate job of running it, which is what l would expect. (- ... The

problem for me, though, is that the focus appears to be more intellectual

than my own. For some time now my primary interest is experiential,

particularly as it relates to my long struggle with k. l only seem to be

really interested in peoples' experiences, not their ideas about spiritual

concepts (unless the ideas directly relate to experiences). So l think l'll

be unsubscribing. Thank you for the invitation, Harsha, hope you understand,

and take care. love,

jerry

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 02/29/2000 2:04:22 PM Eastern Standard Time,

GCWein1111 writes:

> The

> problem for me, though, is that the focus appears to be more intellectual

> than my own. For some time now my primary interest is experiential,

> particularly as it relates to my long struggle with k. l only seem to be

> really interested in peoples' experiences, not their ideas about spiritual

> concepts (unless the ideas directly relate to experiences). So l think

l'll

> be unsubscribing. Thank you for the invitation, Harsha, hope you

understand,

> and take care.

 

Hi Jerry...

 

I was so excited seeing your name pop up, if only to say farewell. Before

you leave, would you share your zen garden experience with us? It is one of

the most fasinating stories I've heard of turning lemons into lemonade, and

I've shared it with many friends. Like you, I enjoy stories of life

experiences, especially such as yours. It is inspirational!

 

Much Love,

xxxtg

[Guest guest]

 

GCWein1111 [GCWein1111]

Tuesday, February 29, 2000 10:49 AM

Re: The List

 

GCWein1111

 

Dear Harsha,

After our last exchange of letters l d to your list and

have

been silently lurking there for the last week or so. l haven't introduced

myself to the list because l just wanted to get a feel for it, as you

suggested. You have many excellent people on this list -- many who l

recognize as once being on Angelique's list -- and l can tell you are doing

a

first rate job of running it, which is what l would expect. (- ... The

problem for me, though, is that the focus appears to be more intellectual

than my own. For some time now my primary interest is experiential,

particularly as it relates to my long struggle with k. l only seem to be

really interested in peoples' experiences, not their ideas about spiritual

concepts (unless the ideas directly relate to experiences). So l think l'll

be unsubscribing. Thank you for the invitation, Harsha, hope you understand,

and take care. love,

 

jerry

 

 

Thanks Jerry (GCWein) for being here. I know you have been going through

some intense Kundalini experiences for many years and I appreciate and know

exactly what you are saying. The road seems long sometimes and everyone

feels tired at one time or another. So seek the cool waters of friendship

and fellowship where ever you feel comfortable, welcomed, and embraced.

 

Know Jerry that you are being listened to even when you are not saying

anything. Know that you are always loved even when no one seems to be

around.

 

Biggest hugs brother and lots of love. You are always in the arms of the

Divine Mother.

 

Harsha.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jerry,

 

Don't run off so soon! I have been meaning to ask you over here from the k

list for some time, and kept forgetting--

 

At 10:48 AM 2/29/00 EST, you wrote:

>GCWein1111

rate job of running it, which is what l would expect. (- ... The

>problem for me, though, is that the focus appears to be more intellectual

>than my own. For some time now my primary interest is experiential,

>particularly as it relates to my long struggle with k. l only seem to be

>really interested in peoples' experiences, not their ideas about spiritual

>concepts (unless the ideas directly relate to experiences). So l think l'll

>be unsubscribing. Thank you for the invitation, Harsha, hope you understand,

>and take care.

 

My own orientation and interest is very like yours, as you know, but I

think you will like it here if you stay a bit...

 

Love,

 

Jill

 

PS-Hi everyone, I am back from a great trip, did I miss anything?

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Harsha (and all)

Geez, l was embarrassed to see my message to you (about

unsubscrbing) get posted to the list, as l thought l was just sending it to

you, ha ha -- not sure how that happened. Anyway, l do appreciate your

response, as well as that of Jill and TeeGee. l don't mind for myself that

it appeared -- l just hope that neither you nor anyone else was offended by

my remarks. l feel even sillier about TeeGee asking me to share my zen

garden story --are you sure about this, TeeGee? Well, l assume you are, so

here goes:

l used to go to Asia every year, especially to lndia, but had

never been to Bali. So in Aug 92 l scheduled a trip there. lt's such a long

flight l decided at the last minute to do a stop-over in Japan for 5 days to

break up the trip. Before l left l told my caretaker to get rid of all the

weeds in my back yard, which was quite a mess. Upon arriving in Japan l

immediately went to Kyoto, which l knew to be a spiritual center with alot of

zen temples. lt was then that l found myself in another world, sensing at

once that destiny had guided me there. l'd been doing vipassana meditation

pretty intensely for several months and was starting to feel the increased

concentration and depth from this practice. ln addition, l've always had a

passionately aesthetic nature. So, l think it was a combination of these

things that led to not only the temples, but particularly the zen gardens

being probably the most wonderful moment of discovery l've ever known. There

were many moments of melting in tears of joy, and many others of profound

meditative stillness, induced by the sense conveyed of almost perfect

harmony with nature.

lt was with great

reluctance that l left Kyoto for Bali, which, although it has its charms,

proved to be an afterthought. Then, after flying home and pulling up in my

driveway, l had the sense of being someplace else. My caretaker, instead of

being content to get rid of weeds, had also cut down every tree in my back

yard, making it unrecognizable. My upstairs tennant, a staunch

environmentalist, was angry at me and ready to move out. The neighbors were

furious. l called my caretaker and asked how he'd managed to so misunderstand

me and do something so unthinkable as this? He had always been a thoughtful

and responsible person, and curiously, appeared to have no idea himself.

 

My first reaction, since l now had a bare yard, was to arrange to have a

bunch of trees planted. But somewhere within me the Kyoto experience

resonated enough to lead me to postpone doing anything for awhile. The idea

of having my own zen garden had an allure -- the problem was l was bogged

down full time in my law practice and had never even planted a tree or done

any gardening in my life. So the notion of my doing anything was totally

impractical. My hope was that, hey, maybe something will just evolve or

manifest itself out of my meditation practice.

 

Less than 2 weeks after my return home my kundalini

process began, with energy shooting out of my brow chakra and remaining there

on a permanent basis (as well as elsewhere). There were 6 months of powerful

but mostly pleasant energy sensations -- interestingly, every time l looked

at a tree my brow chakra would go crazy. Then certain breathing practices led

to a long period of continuous headaches and other problems, making any

meditation impossible. So much for the idea of a zen garden -- that was the

least of my concerns. So my yard just deteriorated more and more as first

months, then years went by. lt became the junkyard of the neighborhood as

weeds, beverage cans and dog crap became its main constituents. My neighbors

were beyond being upset -- l told one of them that someday it was going to be

a zen garden, which drew a mixture of disbelief and ridicule.

 

My kundalini hit bottom

in late 95, a time when physically l felt like l was going to die. l

separated from my teacher and also began winding down my law practice. lt was

then that l turned all my attention to my yard. l just stood out there, day

after day, getting the feel of it and recycling ideas through my system. And

so began a process that lasted for over 4 years. First, l did a formal zen

sitting garden in the back, with a large area of raked, fine gravel and a

meditation platform -- enclosed by a fence and bordered by trees, a groove of

bamboo, and a small Buddha statue in the rear corner. l often asked myself,

why am l doing this? l can't even meditate and may never be able to again. l

just seemed to be driven to do it. What surprised me was that it worked --

the effect was magical -- friends started comming over to meditate there.

 

Once the back was finished l figured

that was it. But 2 years later l decided to expand the garden from the back

to include the side area. Once again l was completely stumped at first, but l

eventually came up with a moss garden with a water feature, boulders,

japanese maples and connifers, enclosed by a bamboo fence. And again, l was

amazed at the end result. Then last year l decided to go all the way and do

the front yard also. l was just as clueless as before, and again spent day

after day in front of my house, as my neighbors nervously looked on. l

completely redid my front yard, enclosing it with a bamboo fence on top of a

low dry stone wall. l brought in several huge boulders (which required months

to select) which l arranged in various combinations surrounded by raked

gravel and trees. l also tore up the straight cement walkway from the street

and created a curving stone path that leads to the front door and also winds

completely throughout the entire garden.

 

So, if anyone's still with me here ( ha

ha), l now have a completely enclosed zen garden which covers my entire

property and consists of 3 distinct areas. At the risk of sounding

egotistical, l am pretty amazed by the physical transformation that's

occurred. Several landscape architects have wandered in and have been stunned

by it. Local garden associations have pestered me to take tours through here,

but l've resisted that so far -- just doesn't feel right. And my dear

neighbors have become humble admirers.

Of course, there's a

downside too -- l could write a book about all the problems l've encountered.

And maintaining it is no small thing. But l think being able to do the garden

has been wonderful for my energy process, both in terms of strengthening my

connectedness to the earth and in providing an opportunity to be creative in

such a fulfilling way. For all this, l can be thankful that for some

mysterious reason my caretaker decided to cut down all my trees. ln recent

weeks l've found that after nearly 7 yrs, my headachiness is finally getting

better, and the energy is flowing more freely again. Maybe this summer l'll

get to meditate in my garden.

love,

jerry

[Guest guest]

Hi Jerry,

> Geez, l was embarrassed to see my message to you (about

>unsubscrbing) get posted to the list, as l thought l was just sending it to

>you, ha ha -- not sure how that happened. Anyway, l do appreciate your

>response, as well as that of Jill and TeeGee. l don't mind for myself that

 

These accidents happen... ask tg! ))))))))))

 

But I'm glad it did... glad you're still here, for the moment at least.

 

In my experience, the prevailing winds change here, as they do on any big

list... At times I've seen so much joking and clowning around that a new

person might have said, "I have to unsub... this is fun and all, but I was

really looking for some serious talk." ))

>snip<

> So, if anyone's still with me here ( ha

>ha), l now have a completely enclosed zen garden which covers my entire

>property and consists of 3 distinct areas. At the risk of sounding

>egotistical, l am pretty amazed by the physical transformation that's

>occurred. Several landscape architects have wandered in and have been stunned

>by it. Local garden associations have pestered me to take tours through here,

>but l've resisted that so far -- just doesn't feel right. And my dear

>neighbors have become humble admirers.

>

> Of course, there's a

>downside too -- l could write a book about all the problems l've encountered.

>And maintaining it is no small thing. But l think being able to do the garden

>has been wonderful for my energy process, both in terms of strengthening my

>connectedness to the earth and in providing an opportunity to be creative in

>such a fulfilling way. For all this, l can be thankful that for some

>mysterious reason my caretaker decided to cut down all my trees. ln recent

>weeks l've found that after nearly 7 yrs, my headachiness is finally getting

>better, and the energy is flowing more freely again. Maybe this summer l'll

>get to meditate in my garden.

>

 

I love your story! Thanks. Have you read _The Findhorn Garden_?

 

I'd be interested to know what practices created the problems with your

head centers. Do you have the situation straightened out now?

 

Love,

Dharma

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/2/00 3:02:13 AM Eastern Standard Time, fisher1

writes

 

In my experience, the prevailing winds change here, as they do on any big

list... At times I've seen so much joking and clowning around that a new

person might have said, "I have to unsub... this is fun and all, but I was

really looking for some serious talk." ))

 

Hi Dharma,

Nice to hear from you again. lt appears that my accidentally

posting my letter to Harsha about unsubscribing has set events in motion that

now incline me to remaining on the list, at least for awhile, ha ha. This is

typical of how skillfully l run my life these days. But l do hope for more

conversations that are experientially based.

 

 

I love your story! Thanks. Have you read _The Findhorn Garden_?

 

Thank you -- glad you liked it -- l got the book about

Findhorn and read about the first half of it several months ago. Altho l

didn't finish it, l found the first few chapters to be quite amazing -- makes

my own garden story pretty mundane, to say the least! To be honest, l didn't

know what to make of the devas and nature spirits, etc -- l'd never really

thought of such beings, yet the story seemed so credible that l couldn't

ignore the idea. Truly fascinating. l'd welcome comments you or anyone else

has about this.

 

I'd be interested to know what practices created the problems with your

head centers. Do you have the situation straightened out now?

 

l was given 2 sets of practices to do. The first set consisted of

inhalation and exhalation with nose and mouth of 4 colors representing 4

elements. l don't think these did any harm. The 2nd set involved alternate

nostril breathing with breath retention and visualizations for the heart,

brow and crown chakras. The one l worked with most was the heart chakra, in

which l visualized the sun exploding while doing the alt nostril breathing

with retention. Unfortunately, l did the 2nd set much more than the 1st, and

l feel this is the one that produced the problems. For about 6 wks l felt

bliss in my heart, before the head pain began. What made it worse was that l

didn't stop right away, because my teacher told me the pain would go away.

(LOL!) lt only got worse. The pain's always been like this: sharp at brow

chakra and other head areas but also feels like wearing a tight skullcap that

grows much tighter immediately if l try to do a practice of ANY kind.

 

This has persisted for 7 yrs, but has been gradually getting better

during the past year. Then, the last couple months it's progressing more

quickly as pain is lessening and energy is moving more, not only in my head

but all over. This improvement seems to be related to 2 things: some

mysterious red pellets l received from a Tibetan lama who was passing thru

here 2 months ago (no one else who saw him got them - he said they were

blessed by the DL) -- he told me to dissolve one in water and put some drops

on any problem areas l had. To my great surprise, just a couple drops on my

brow stimulated movement there. l just did that for a short while, as my

system was so sensitive to it, affecting my stomach and sleep. Then, l also

had a k dream a couple weeks ago, after which l've had more improvement. So

altho the problem's still there, l'm feeling optimistic for the first time in

years.

A

major question which l've had is whether the head pain represented damage

done to my head chakras by the practices, or whether the practices simply

accelerated the process and enabled me to hit blockages sooner, and that the

pain has been from blockages rather than any damage that was done. When l

went to a swami for help years ago, l found l was able to do practices when

in his energy field. This led me to believe that his energy was able to cut

thru blockages and that therefore this must be the problem. l think what's

happening now probably indicates the same thing, which is what l've always

wanted to be true rather than the damaged chakra theory. Or could both

theories be true? Of course, other problems developed after the headaches,

involving my stomach, low back and sexual dysfunction, etc, so it's been a

total process. What l'm praying for is that with continued improvement in

head chakras, other areas will improve, but l haven't seen it yet.

Hope

this answers your questions without giving you more than you wanted to know!

 

love,

jerry

 

 

 

Dharma

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