Victor: Who am I?

March 3, 2000

..Victor Torrico <vtorrico

>Whould you please describe what you experience when you are

>at the root level of awareness and contrast that with what

>you experience when you are in your so called thinking mind?

>This is for the purpose of -- how does one recognize and

>maintain the recognition of the non-dual? VT:

Yes, I can describe that, but first let me say that it is not an either-or.

Both are going on at the same time.

Not only that but thinking, feeling, bodily perception (proprioception),

the 5 senses.

But the difference is that what I am calling "the root level of awareness"

is the field in which all these others occur. So the root level awareness

is always going whether or not I am lost in thought or feeling or whatever.

It is always going on whether or not the self-illusion is running as well.

As I have worked with this exercise of awareness (it is a walking-around

meditation, I suppose) the clarity of the quality of simple resting in

awareness increases. And while resting in this awareness, the self is

perceived as a contraction. Self-contractions occur around thoughts and

feelings to which identity adheres.

Example: right now I am looking forward with a great deal of anticipation

to a date tomorrow night. That gives me the feeling of the pleasure of

anticipation. But if I honestly inquire into this feeling it is a

contraction within that field of awareness. It is hard to breath into it

and let it go but as I do so I realize that the feeling was/is arising

within the vastness of that unchanging root level of awareness. The root

level awareness will always be there, even after tomorrow's date, even if I

end up marrying this person and going through heaven and hell and getting

divorced, the root awareness will still be there as the container of it all.

So the answer to your question as to what I experience:

Root level: spacious, peaceful, impersonal, knowing, vast, a kind of

emotionless bliss.

Thought level: constricted, full of "me", always trying to make stories out

of experience, repetitive, limited. The thought level seems to try to usurp

awareness of other modalities. It is very easy to slip into "thinking" one

is in root awareness. Thinking is a great imposter.

Well, I "think" I'd better get to work.

David

March 3, 2000

Dear David,

Please cancell my previous questions. Your latest posting answered those.

However, now that you have given so much more detail about this process in

you, allow me please to say a few things and perhaps to ask one or two more

questions.

Also Victor, I think your questions are very valuable and completely

relevant and to the point. Thank you for that.

David said:

So the root level awareness

>is always going whether or not I am lost in thought or feeling or whatever.

>

~~ David, my experience at this level is that it is indeed possible for

general impressions, such as the ones you mentioned, to go on while in this

'mode'. However, if I understand you correctly, the only experience which

cannot be included is the 'lost in thought' bit.

TThe problem of being 'lost in thought', for me is what you describe below

as:

It is hard to breath into it

>and let it go but as I do so I realize that the feeling was/is arising

>within the vastness of that unchanging root level of awareness

~~ While lost in thought/the illusion of 'I' , my experience is just that -

'lost in thought'. In a way it seems indeed that at this level the two are

mutually exclusive. But as you then so correctly say : 'as you let go and

so again 'view' the contraction from the root level, the two merge to

present one whole process.

It seems to me that until the 'root awareness' has completely taken hold as

a dominating 'force' in experience. the oscillation between contraction and

non-contraction will present itself as two distinct realities.

And although the thing is still very much work in progress in my case, allow

me to speculate that only when the non-dual reality has established itself

in every living moment, could it be possible to view the contracted state as

non-contraction. Until then it is a continuous shift between contraction

(caught in thought) and the sense of freedom from contraction.

What do you make of attention at this level?

For me, what is very often described as 'letting go', is none other than a

complete relaxation of attention. When this happens, everything appears by

itself, directly aware of itself and nothing holding it in place. But this

is a very subtle position and it is around here that:

>It is very easy to slip into "thinking" one

>is in root awareness. Thinking is a great imposter>

I think this last sentence of yours in extremely important at all levels of

this enquiry right up to where you are describing about. In a rather

ultimate sense, this is what I was trying to point to in my posting on

Intellectualism, where the mind, as thought, can project even an image of

'root awareness' and then happily mistaking its own projection for the real

thing. Not easy to discern.

Love,

Moller