Freeheart Story, II

[Guest guest]

Gloria Lee wrote:

>

> Oh, may I encourage you to also post a copy of your story on .

> Many very special souls there, mostly silent ones, yet I know much love and

> energy will go out to you from them. Love, Glo

 

> >>> andrew macnab <a.macnab

> >>>

> >>> Eric Laing wrote:

> >>>

> >>> > Last night this Enlightened One had an

> >>> > incredible experience, I died. Seems there

> >>> > really are different levels. :-)

> >>>

> >>> More to tell?

> >>> Tingle in my curiosity bone.

> >>>

> >>> andrew

> >>

> >>Well, I think the play with Melody summed

> >>it up better than I possibly could have. :-)

> >>

> >>But I am losing a wife, probably the role

> >>as primary father to 4 children, I hurt from

> >>an Hernia of past 10 months, considering

> >>leaving my home of 6 years, ending my profession

> >>of 18, am a little scared and have a moment

> >>to compose an actual letter, So...

> >

> >My Dear, Dear One, Freeheart,

> >

> >Please know I am here for you...in any way, whatever, with or without words.

> >Still holding you all in my heart.

> >

> >Much love,

> >Gloria

 

Ok, Harsha, Jerry, J.M.R., All:

 

Forward:

Re: [NondualitySalon] Freeheart Story, II

 

Eric Laing <elaing

> We all have a choice. Somewhere, god is a

> living god, a dance more beautiful than

> beauty. I don't know about that. But in

> my little life's wanderings, I have watched

> something else beautiful. People.

>

> Choicelessly, people dance. Sometimes in

> love sometimes in war. Mostly somewhere inbetween.

> Always to me, the most beautiful Thing.

>

> And I loved them for it. All of it. Still do.

>

> By the time I was 19, I was living in San

> Francisco, just three years from a broken

> dysfunctional USAF family, and a year into

> a relationship with a 29 year old scorpio.

> I had chosen to stay with her, moving away

> from my mother, to care for the child she

> was carrying. She had been an brief encounter

> earlier, but convinced me of a parental

> obligation for what ultimately turned out

> to be another Man's daughter. At the time

> of rebeginning our relationship, I knew not

> of her pregnancy, only that she was under police

> protection from a powerful cocaine dealer,

> who had thrown her out of his Compound in

> Palm Springs; with two black eyes, and a

> promise to return and finish the job. In

> the next year up north, Judy shared many

> things esoteric, including the invitation

> to take her place in the ongoing group work,

> began by Alice Bailey. I had no interest

> in this. Within a year this relationship

> would end entirely.

>

> What happened one afternoon, while chatting

> casually with Judy at our apartment, became

> the unknown center of my life up until yesterday.

> While discussing my then growing awareness

> of the plight of Man - and the folly's of His

> religions - a thought appeared, an allowance

> I had always resisted. It was that God might

> only be in the imagination of Man. Man that

> I Loved, Man notably incapable of much more

> than tying his own shoes. Man with violence

> in his heart, Man with a certain button in his

> greedy hand. It was 1982, and I realized that

> if there was no God, then it would be up to

> this same Man, to avoid Nuclear Armageddon.

>

> I am not stupid. I knew exactly what this meant.

>

> So there I was, suddenly really panicked, spinning

> all the wheels, attempting to save the world

> in my own perceptions. Nothing. Nothing came.

> It was real, and I must say, I could see no hope.

> Petty Man. Struggling Man. Beautiful God like

> Humans. Bombs, to justify christian prophesy.

>

> And Eric Laing, always the optimist, understood

> finally the frivolity of hope. I gave up to

> what was so obviously... Fate.

>

> (hang tight, one of three... still writing:-)

 

Part II:

 

It was sad. So we sat for awhile. And then

I went back to fixing, well, researching all

my thoughts. Three things came to me:

 

A picture from a few weeks earlier in the

New York Times, of an Indian Guru, didn't

read the story beside it- just remember

his eyes: emormas, oval shaped.

 

The Bible's Phrosphey: ..."and at that time,

He shall speak simultaniously, to each and

everyone of his Children, in Their own tongues..."

 

And about the movie "ET The Extraterestial", currently

being played, and dubbed into native languages,

all around the world.

 

Me: still busy 'fixing'. Scant materials, two

tools, no hope.

 

I remember turning to Judy, and saying:

if there is no God, then why is the movie

E....(i tried again), E...E....

 

Total Implosion.

 

It came down first, bounced really low,

and then shot straight up. Light -

Fountains - Colors - Feelings - Birth

Death - Math - Laughing People - Wonder -

Mystery - Love. Yes Love. And it was

warm, and good, and soft, and fuzzy.

 

Later, Judy commented that for the first

several minutes, (tears, uncontrolled

sobbing) that she thought I was releasing

some surpressed early emotions. But after

a half hour of it changing into my softly

swaying iditots grin eyes sealed shut

routine, that something terrible had

probably happened with my body's chemistry.

 

When I opened my eyes finally (hell no, I

didn't want it to stop!) the room was

empty. Since to me it had seemed to take

only seconds, I could not figure out

where she had gone, I thought "I would have

heard her get up".

 

I sat there a long time, by myself. Judy

came in eventually, and asked if things were

going OK? I tried to explain, so confused

about all this. She did not want to talk much.

I let it go.

 

Funny thing that.

 

So life went on. And I never thought much

about it. Every then and again, amazing

people and friends of mine would hear this

story from me. Some seemed a little interested,

many not.

 

Life went on.

 

(cont, andrew :-)

_____________

 

 

 

....and everyone else, another wrinkle, has

occured, 2 days now and still can't

be coaxed into words. I workin' on it:-)

 

Only Love,

 

freeheart