Another introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello Harsha & everybody !

 

Having recently joined this spiritually and intellectually uplifting

gathering, I'll take the opportunity to briefly introduce myself. For those

of you who've been subjected to my stories on other lists before, hope you

don't mind too much...

 

My name is Michael, I just recently turned 40 and fate shoved me onto the

spiritual path over 20 years ago, when the kundalini-shakti awoke in me with

a bang after having smoked cannabis. I went into a full-fledged mystical

experience of unity with the universe and experiencing myself as

all-powerful, eternal energy and part of infinity..

 

I then had a second kundalini-rising some years later while being severly ill

and this left me psychologically shattered. The experiences of total

alienation, depression and activation of subconscious material described by

many people going through kundalini awakenings hit me, and it was only after

quite a while, when I had followed an inner urge to start practicing yoga

that I eventually found some relief. It was at this point that I began to

understand what was happening within myself and I, to my dismay, realised I

was out in really deep water with far too big boots strapped onto my unguided

and unprepared feet.

 

A third activation of shakti finally occurred after a period of intense

sadhana, after which the energy has been permanently at work in myself. This

has resulted in various forms of physical and emotional agony, but also in a

gradual but radical transformation in the way the world and myself in it are

perceived.

 

Over the years, a marked sense of silent unity beyond the delusions and the

ups and downs of the thinking, feeling and sensory processes has slowly begun

to establish itself as a central reality within my consciousness.

 

This seems to have come about through the incessant working of the energy

inside, remolding the various pathways in the mind, clearing out old beliefs

and destroying the very thought patterns that used to make up my former sense

of identity.

 

I'm not sure where this will eventually lead to, but I have to some extent

taught myself to surrender to this awesome and mysterious process, so maybe

it doesn't really matter...

 

A short comment after reading Gill's post on depression and detachement :

 

Gill, you wrote:

 

<<Yes, I'm sure there's a link between my mental health problems

and my spirituality - there's a kind of kink in my psyche that I've

been aware of since I was very young. I remember realising at the

age of about seven that I was supposed to be like the other kids,

that I was one of them! It seemed a very strange idea...

I think that it's this kink that causes both the interest in spiritual

matters and the depression, rather than the depression being the

root cause, though I'm sure this isn't always the case.>>

 

This is something I was aware of and suffered a lot from as well. The sense

of being different leading to alienation leading to depression leading to

wanting to be whole leading to spirituality....

 

Obviously everybody moves on an individual path and depressions can have many

hidden ramifications and reasons. I found that in my case the sense of

alienation, melancholia and joylessness in particular, were closely linked

to the activity of the heart/anahata chakra. I wasn't really aware of this

link at first until I began meditating and concentrating on this center of

consciousness. I then realised there was a definite blockage in there, buried

deep inside and colouring the way the mind and emotions perceived the world

(and myself)

 

Concentration and deep relaxation into that spot eventually made it possible

to open the path and alleviate the weight of the depression to a certain

degree after I figured this out (took me ages to get to that point

though...)

 

I've come to believe that a lot of mental and emotional problems can be seen

in terms of life energy not being allowed to circulate freely. - I think that

the true and "spiritual" sense of detachement is also closely linked to the

free and relaxed flow of energy, it feels very joyous and there's a sensation

of "no problem, everything's alright" to it. This is very different from the

dry and barren detachement and lack of involvement that I've experienced

during episodes of depression.

 

Maybe this can be of some help in your journey ?

 

Thanks for being there

 

Best regards

 

Michael