Jerryananda's distress

[Guest guest]

GCWein1111 wrote:

> GCWein1111

>

> In a message dated 3/23/00 1:49:25 PM Eastern Standard Time,

> hluthar writes:

>

> <<

> I now declare you Guru Jerry. May you live well and prosper oh grasshopper!

>

> Love

> Harsha

> >>

>

> Dear Harsha,

> And so shall it be. l believe you are right, old friend. Now

> is finally the time for me to reveal that This Being is in reality

> Jerryananda, avatar of all avatars. l come forth at this time in order to

> formally disassociate myself with all of my former students who have brought

> disgrace upon not only myself but the three lineages which l've been forced

> to carry on simultaneously during these decadent days of the kaliyuga, when

> so few true masters are available. Because of these decadent times l was

> persuaded to believe that l could entrust these pretenders with long held

> secret tantric transmissions. Oh, how have l regretted that decision!

>

> Long ago in the

> very depths of the Himalayas l gathered together the students now known as

> Sathya Soy Burger, Mukti-with-young-girls-ananda, Gurumaymugger, Yoni

> Desai, Yogi Bhagan, Snatch-it-ananda, Kriyananda, Sogyal-soiled-pants

> Rinpoche and my once esteemed friend Kalu Rinpoche. l gave them pure gold --

> the essence of what l'd been taught by Abhinavagupta and Jigme Chokyi Wangpo.

> l taught them tantra, threw in a few siddhis for good measure ... even let

> them meditate in some of my best caves. And look how they've repaid me. With

> some of them l had concerns from the beginning. Every time during tantra

> instruction, l was aware of Soy Burger glaring at my penis. Gurumaymugger

> insisted on wearing a gun, of all things, and spent most of the time in her

> cave shooting at bats and torturing worms.

>

> But l had no clue as to the others. How was l to know that Yoni

> Desai was to become the Banger of the Berkshires? l fed Soiled-pants

> Rinpoche the dharma for his book "Tibetan Book of Living and Dying", and then

> instilled Bertolucci with both the vision for the movie and the idea of

> hiring fat little Soiled-pants to play a role -- all of this in order to

> promote the dharma to a wider audience -- and what does Soiled-pants do but

> start behaving like a sex symbol and hitting on his female devotees. But the

> biggest disappointment has been Kalu Rinpoche. He was to be my successor. l

> even let him have June Campbell, my most prized and loyal assistant. And what

> does he do? Turns her into a whore!

>

> lt's not that l haven't tried to

> intervene. Through my cohort Babaji l had Yogananda throw Kriyananda out of

> SRF. So what does he do? Go up north and find even bigger suckers there. lt's

> taken me over 20 yrs to get him thrown out of Ananda, and now he's on the

> Riviera ...now that should be interesting. l warned Sathya Soy that the

> misuse of siddhis would result in loss of power, and it did. Now look at him.

> l appeared in astral form to the authorities in Bangalore and gave them the

> name of the store where Soy has been purchasing all the rings with which he's

> been faking manifestations. There may be hope there, but what can be done for

> those who insist on being fooled?

> l wash my

> hands of it all. For time immemorial l've undertaken the supreme sacrifice of

> maintaining this slender thread of ego attachment and have selflessly endured

> the pain of the unnatural confines of a body, solely for the purpose of

> ministering to these unworthy pretenders. l can bear it no longer. Oh, how l

> would relinquish all my siddhis and samadhis ... how l would move heaven and

> earth for one good disciple!

>

> Shri Jerryananda,

> Master of the 19th avataric plane and highest lokas

>

 

I feel your pain Sri Jerryananda Maha Yogi. I feel your pain. Especially

maintaining the slender thread of ego attachment must be awfully tough during

Kaliyuga.

 

I am sure often you must have thought, "Oh the hell with it all! Let me just go

in the Total Absolute right Now!". The magnitude of your supreme sacrifices

brings sweet tears to the true devotees among us.

 

Oh Master of the 19th Avataric plane and the highest lokas, have you considered

taking up dating the women here on the earthly plane? I know it would be a step

down (Would it be 19 steps down since you are on the 19th plane?) for your

totally elevated consciousness, but perhaps it could keep you busy and

entertained at least until you locate that one good disciple that you have been

searching for, for an eternity now it seems.

 

I don't know what else to say Shri Jerryanandaji Maharaj. As devotees think of

your superhuman efforts, gratitude overcomes them, no doubt. May I request that

you post some of your positive accomplishments. I mean what have you learned

Shri Jerryananda? What would you say and what advice would you give to those who

will come after you to head the 19th Avataric plane? What are the lessons here

for us? I know these are difficult questions, by you are eminently qualified

Shri Jerryananda to provide us some clues now on how to move forward.

 

In respect and devotion

Harsha

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/24/00 6:48:11 AM Eastern Standard Time,

hluthar writes:

> For time immemorial l've undertaken the supreme sacrifice of

> maintaining this slender thread of ego attachment and have selflessly

endured

> the pain of the unnatural confines of a body, solely for the purpose of

> ministering to these unworthy pretenders. l can bear it no longer. Oh, how

l

> would relinquish all my siddhis and samadhis ... how l would move heaven

and

> earth for one good disciple!

>

> Shri Jerryananda,

> Master of the 19th avataric plane and highest lokas

>

 

I feel your pain Sri Jerryananda Maha Yogi. I feel your pain. Especially

maintaining the slender thread of ego attachment must be awfully tough during

Kaliyuga.

 

I am sure often you must have thought, "Oh the hell with it all! Let me just

go in the Total Absolute right Now!". The magnitude of your supreme

sacrifices brings sweet tears to the true devotees among us.

 

Oh Master of the 19th Avataric plane and the highest lokas, have you

considered taking up dating the women here on the earthly plane? I know it

would be a step down (Would it be 19 steps down since you are on the 19th

plane?) for your totally elevated consciousness, but perhaps it could keep

you busy and entertained at least until you locate that one good disciple

that you have been searching for, for an eternity now it seems.

 

I don't know what else to say Shri Jerryanandaji Maharaj. As devotees think

of your superhuman efforts, gratitude overcomes them, no doubt. May I request

that you post some of your positive accomplishments. I mean what have you

learned Shri Jerryananda? What would you say and what advice would you give

to those who will come after you to head the 19th Avataric plane? What are

the lessons here for us? I know these are difficult questions, by you are

eminently qualified Shri Jerryananda to provide us some clues now on how to

move forward.

 

In respect and devotion

Harsha

>>

 

Dearest Harsha,

Only you and your sweet, loving tears can offer solace in

this, my greatest hour of sorrow. lt was only shortly after my missive to you

yesterday that l was beseiged by further untoward developments on this and

other planes. l have now been informed by none other than Guru Rinpoche

himself that both my status and duties are about to change, and all of this,

mind you, is a result of the misdeeds of my former disciples.

 

Because of them l have been stripped of avatarhood and have been denied

access to all but the lowest of lokas. The secret tantric teachings that were

in my trust have been forcibly sucked out of my brow chakra (no doubt the

reason l've felt such pain in this area these many years!), and have been

crystalized into sacred Terma for internment in the depths of the Himalayas.

l believe their location is in the vicinity of Mt Kailash, but l must warn

you, they are UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to be found and opened before the end of

the present Kaliyuga.

 

Now, as for my present duties... this is especially painful... as

l said before, they have stripped me of my teachings and, of all things, have

instructed me that l must resume my legal career. The only loka in which l'm

allowed - the lowest loka of the hell realms - is where my departed disciples

are being held, pending trial. Swami Rape-Rama is charged with 12 counts of

sexual battery; Swami Mukta-to young girls-ananda is charged with 67 counts;

they've got Trungpa for selling crack and Ozel Tendzin for 568 charges of

sodomy.

As if the courts of the lowest loka weren't taking up enough of

my time, l'm flying to Switzerland today to represent Maharishi make-a-buck

Yogi, where he's charged with racketeering and fraud for perverting the

ancient mantras and selling them like candy bars for obscene profits, in

addition to publishing bogus results for phony experiments conducted on

meditators at Maharishi U. Then on to lndia to represent Gurumuggermayi on a

carrying concealed weapons charge. Hey, this is just my caseload for today!

You think l've got time to teach? lt could even get worse: of Tendzin's 568

sodomy counts, they're talking about adding 345 counts of first degree

murder, since he knew he had AIDS when he had sex with the ones who've died.

 

Think of it, Harshaji. l

thought l was preparing them for the spiritual hall of fame, not the halls of

justice. The Miranda warnings have become their mantras. They wouldn't know

a siddhi if it bit 'em in the ass. Such is my fate. But hold on here.......

all may not be lost....... l just received a call from Sogyal Soiled Pants

Rinpoche. He's invited me to sit with him, Bertolucci and His Holiness at the

Oscars Sunday nite. l've tentatively agreed, so long as Steven Segal isn't

around. l've told the DL that l'll continue to support him and that R Geere

and P Coyote are okay, but no more of this Segal Rinpoche business! What's

that? ...Hold on a minute .... another call, this one from Kriyananda. He

says he just shagged Kate Moss on the boardwalk at Cannes. He wants me to

stop there enroute from Switzerland to lndia. Hey, a guy could get used to

this, you know? ......

Shri

Jerryananda,

Satguru to the Stars

[Guest guest]

GCWein1111 wrote:

>

> Dearest Harsha,

> Only you and your sweet, loving tears can offer solace in

> this, my greatest hour of sorrow. lt was only shortly after my missive to you

> yesterday that l was beseiged by further untoward developments on this and

> other planes. l have now been informed by none other than Guru Rinpoche

> himself that both my status and duties are about to change, and all of this,

> mind you, is a result of the misdeeds of my former disciples.

>

> Because of them l have been stripped of avatarhood and have been denied

> access to all but the lowest of lokas. The secret tantric teachings that were

> in my trust have been forcibly sucked out of my brow chakra (no doubt the

> reason l've felt such pain in this area these many years!), and have been

> crystalized into sacred Terma for internment in the depths of the Himalayas.

> l believe their location is in the vicinity of Mt Kailash, but l must warn

> you, they are UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to be found and opened before the end of

> the present Kaliyuga.

>

> Now, as for my present duties... this is especially painful... as

> l said before, they have stripped me of my teachings and, of all things, have

> instructed me that l must resume my legal career. The only loka in which l'm

> allowed - the lowest loka of the hell realms - is where my departed disciples

> are being held, pending trial. Swami Rape-Rama is charged with 12 counts of

> sexual battery; Swami Mukta-to young girls-ananda is charged with 67 counts;

> they've got Trungpa for selling crack and Ozel Tendzin for 568 charges of

> sodomy.

> As if the courts of the lowest loka weren't taking up enough of

> my time, l'm flying to Switzerland today to represent Maharishi make-a-buck

> Yogi, where he's charged with racketeering and fraud for perverting the

> ancient mantras and selling them like candy bars for obscene profits, in

> addition to publishing bogus results for phony experiments conducted on

> meditators at Maharishi U. Then on to lndia to represent Gurumuggermayi on a

> carrying concealed weapons charge. Hey, this is just my caseload for today!

> You think l've got time to teach? lt could even get worse: of Tendzin's 568

> sodomy counts, they're talking about adding 345 counts of first degree

> murder, since he knew he had AIDS when he had sex with the ones who've died.

>

> Think of it, Harshaji. l

> thought l was preparing them for the spiritual hall of fame, not the halls of

> justice. The Miranda warnings have become their mantras. They wouldn't know

> a siddhi if it bit 'em in the ass. Such is my fate. But hold on here.......

> all may not be lost....... l just received a call from Sogyal Soiled Pants

> Rinpoche. He's invited me to sit with him, Bertolucci and His Holiness at the

> Oscars Sunday nite. l've tentatively agreed, so long as Steven Segal isn't

> around. l've told the DL that l'll continue to support him and that R Geere

> and P Coyote are okay, but no more of this Segal Rinpoche business! What's

> that? ...Hold on a minute .... another call, this one from Kriyananda. He

> says he just shagged Kate Moss on the boardwalk at Cannes. He wants me to

> stop there enroute from Switzerland to lndia. Hey, a guy could get used to

> this, you know? ......

> Shri

> Jerryananda,

> Satguru to the Stars

 

Thank you Sri Jerryananda-ji for your nectar like words that give warmth to the

cosmos and hope to humanity on this planet and others. Your story is one of

great tragedy and sacrifice and your observations about the nature of guruhood

and avatarhood are insightful and touched with divine humorous sarcasm. Although

I do not wish to make any comments at this point, I do thank you for making the

effort to teach us. I have been a bit busy and overwhelmed to respond properly

and do justice to your overwhelming post. You have my full assurance that I will

sit with the treasures that you

have offered and ponder them at my humble pace.

 

May the true devotees have the opportunity to wash your feet with dove soap and

some point.

 

Thank you for your grace and penetrating analysis.

 

Love and respect for the True Satguru

 

Harsha

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/28/00 5:09:48 PM Eastern Standard Time,

hluthar writes:

 

 

Thank you Sri Jerryananda-ji for your nectar like words that give warmth to

the cosmos and hope to humanity on this planet and others. Your story is one

of great tragedy and sacrifice and your observations about the nature of

guruhood and avatarhood are insightful and touched with divine humorous

sarcasm. Although I do not wish to make any comments at this point, I do

thank you for making the effort to teach us. I have been a bit busy and

overwhelmed to respond properly and do justice to your overwhelming post. You

have my full assurance that I will sit with the treasures that you

have offered and ponder them at my humble pace.

 

May the true devotees have the opportunity to wash your feet with dove soap

and some point.

 

Thank you for your grace and penetrating analysis.

 

Love and respect for the True Satguru

 

Harsha

 

Dear Harsha,

l'm speaking on behalf of my alter ego Jerryananda, who is

still in Hollywood after the Oscars (talking to David Lynch about being cast

in a coming episode of TWIN PEAKS). We both want to thank you for being such

a great sport. As you say, humor can be divine, and as such has been the

savior of many a kundalite and other intrepid warriors on the path known as

the razor's edge. l sometimes feel that a creative act of humor liberates me

and feeds my process in the same manner as the creation of a zen garden. May

we all know the freedom of heartfelt laughter and joy...

love,

jerryji