leaving and all...

[Guest guest]

What a lovely post, Mark. Overwroughtness is such an amazing phenomenon when

I can get the shame of it out of the way (the shame coming from old

agreements not to feel or expose myself too much). Overwroughtness always

turns out to be a gateway to insight and deeper vision of the Source. How

astonishingly clever that we should be designed this way because there is

certainly no end of things to be wrought over! Holly

[Guest guest]

Hi Gloria,

 

You said >Sorry I got so dramatic about the leaving and all.. in many

ways I feel

I really have no right to be this overwrought and emotional. I hope no

one leaves

over my obsessing about this.

 

That's sweet. But, isn't this a problematic way to see things? (that

you have no right to be overwrought and emotional?) If you are

overwrought and emotional, does adding guilt to it help? (I do it too,

so don't feel yelled at here - gosh, I do THAT too!) hee, hee, aren't

buttons a hoot? No one can leave. There may be an illusion of leaving,

but the list is just a microcosm within a macrocosm, and it all

intersects again. (well, not again because...) okay, just words for

now...(for me, of course, for that's all I talk about) So, for me

looking at the desire to leave because I got overwrought and emotional

is worthwhile. I do that because when I was young, and had temper

tantrums, my Mother sent me to my room to cool off. It worked, so it

was her strategy. I blew up, she banished me from the garden, I ranted

and raved with no witnesses, got exhausted, realized no one was there to

care, got resentful, sulked, got lonely, swallowed my pride, went and

asked for forgiveness, received it, felt the balloon of separation part

(oh sweet relief...), and bottled a little bit of the unprocessed anger

into my body because there was no other place for it. (this is how it

seems to me today, in my living room, before work...) I have no idea

what is happening in your room, at this moment, but I ask you sweetly

with love in my heart, to look at it and see if you can see how the

overwroughtness and emotion arises, and what it means, and if it causes

you pain, to forgive yourself for causing yourself that pain, and

dismantle the pain machinery somehow. I think asking if the

overwroughtness is your body trying to get your attention to tell you

something about how you reacted as a younger being to incoming stimuli,

emotions, etc and how that reaction has become a habit, a pattern, an

automatic way of being, which now no longer serves you is a wonderful

"strategy". (which may or may not be helpful here.) So don't leave,

that won't make you happier, don't stay and sweep it back under the rug,

but do stay and use this wonderful list with it's fellow seekers and

it's realized beings to peel back what is happening with you and see

your true shining self more clearly and with a bit more of that blissful

love you shower on others. We love you. Do you love yourself without

feeling any shame?

 

I didn't really want to leave the list, and all the requests not to

leave and the pats on the back were something I wanted and felt a need

for. I'm making use of it as best I can not to just feel better

(although I do feel better), but also to look at why I felt bad. I was

pushing my thoughts on forgiveness to see how they fared with a group

like this. I do believe that forgiveness is key. A lot of that belief

comes from the dynamic with my Mother as a 6 year old who suffered from

uncontrolled anger and rage. That's not good or bad, it just is the way

Mark is, and Mark wants to be free of automatic behavior, or perhaps

Mark want to go into a more pure automatic behavior by letting go. I

think both.

 

My feeling state as I sent that message about (my) leaving was

shame. (that you had a wonderful place in a list that made you happy

and by poking around in my issues in a public place, I was ruining your

place, which you had first, and I came into like a bull in a china

shop.) But maybe my poking around and the rest of the list pushed you a

bit deeper into stuff you need to look at, and if we stop short of

really eliciting your withdrawal response, and you can examine the

stuff, maybe some of it can be healed, and we will have helped. I

definitely feel this list is helping me in that way. Anyway, I wish

happiness for you and am so glad that you are working with the songs and

the feelings. The feelings arose in other people who were wrongly

treated, but they didn't go away when those people "went away", and we

have the opportunity to work with them and liberated them (the feeling

states, that is), and help to cleanse the universal psyche. I think

that may be why we came, to answer this call of love.

 

Love, Mark

[Guest guest]

Beautiful, Mark! I'm so glad you're here!

>That's sweet. But, isn't this a problematic way to see things? (that

>you have no right to be overwrought and emotional?) If you are

>snip<

>the feelings. The feelings arose in other people who were wrongly

>treated, but they didn't go away when those people "went away", and we

>have the opportunity to work with them and liberated them (the feeling

>states, that is), and help to cleanse the universal psyche. I think

>that may be why we came, to answer this call of love.