mumble cats and what they say in private...

[Guest guest]

Hi Amanda,

 

I'm enjoying this conversation. thanks.

>Ever have your apology rudely refused before you even try to

>give it?

 

No, fortunately, I haven't been in that

frustrating situation perhaps yet .

 

I'm surprised. Most folks have had others storm off (stalk out) and

never gotten back to finish the business. I think many review these

incidents when they approach death, and are able to release them. But

what happens if you die suddenly? I've been occasionally letting such

incidents float up and go ahead and apologize to myself and accept the

apology. (doing my "death work" now, why wait?) Just another means of

lightening up. It seems to me that I can let go of my side of the thing

even without validation from the other and if I can't actually find the

other person and reconnect, I'm willing to leave it there and wish for

the best (that the other will let go of their hooks too - it's their

responsibility.) I don't mean to belabor this thread, as I see Harsha

and others lifting to another level, reminding us of the spirit and

suggesting we explore our identity directly. My expression of these

ego-based questions is preparation for that, letting go of the heavy

baggage we've accumulated on our journey, and letting go of the idea of

journey. Realizing we have arrived is the right thing when it happens.

(and so it happens now...)

 

For me, holotropic breathwork is a powerful means to do this shedding of

false identities. Holotropic is a word coined by Stan Grof, who

invented the work. Holos means wholeness and tropic means moving

towards, so moving towards wholeness. The work is breathing deeply and

quickly while listening to evocative music, combined with sitting with

and for others doing the breathing. Then, there is a sharing of

experiences to consolidate and witness the results. I love it. When I

first started, I was eager for the breathing part, and felt bored by the

sitting. Now I love the sitting and don't feel so much need for the

breathing. The best is the circle at the end, where the participants

come together to share the work. The folks I have done this with create

a very loving space and I have come to feel part of a family. Most of

my experiences have been energy work, and I've felt everything from

bliss to crucifiction. (notice how "fiction" is part of that word...)

What makes it special to me now is watching the courage of those who

have unresolved issues of childhood abandonment or abuse face and

experience those things and learn to let them go and move on. There is

a great deal of healing going on, from where I sit. Like any practice,

it can become a trap, and since very powerful "non-ordinary" states are

evoked, it can be a legal substitute for drug use for those with a

prediliction in that direction. (caveat emptor) I think for me it has

mostly been an experience of becoming aware of and then letting go of

layers of emotional armor and energy blocks. (same thing?)

>And to be defenseless we must be egoless or

rather, be able to know and see the ego for what

it is. Difficult enough, I keep feeling most of

us need a kick in the pants from spiritual or some other kind of

practice

to be able to

even want to start opening up to ahimsa and

defenselessness.

 

Yes. I prefer the term defenseless because I struggle to know what ego

is. I can spot my own defenses much of the time (not all of the time,

so I'm still working on it), but am I spotting them with my ego, or

attention, or awareness? I see that these terms may mean different

things, but it can be very subtle, requiring meditation. For those not

ready to do the meditation work, the big defenses can still be seen if

one is willing to look. I think ego can often refer to that which is

still useful after reunion, but defenses become ridiculous. (I may

still be fantasizing here, but my experiences seem to point this way...)

 

Love, Mark