struggling/jerry/tg

[Guest guest]

Jerry:

> lt's always nice to hear from you, TG. (BTW, meant to tell you how much

l

liked your Sri Hitler post.)

 

Thanks Jerry. I've been meaning to tell you how great it is having you here

with us -- your posts are always such a pleasure for me to read. They always

make me smile.

> l didn't know you played piano --

 

Welllll, I just started this past November, so I'm just a beginner! I have

wanted to learn to play for a gazillion years, and finally found a teacher

that teaches me the way I want to learn -- he can't read a lick of music, and

plays by ear and feel... so this is how he is teaching me. (learning the

chords,etc.). I haven't had this much fun learning something in... probably

my whole life!

>hearing you compare your struggle with that to "the" struggle reminded me of

a few

things.

l used to toil away at the keyboard too --

played 4 to 8 hrs a day (all classical for me -- what do you like to play?).

 

Holymoly Pianoman! I would have LOVED to have heard you. I told Leonard

(piano teacher) that I'd marry a man for his piano playing. I could listen

to solo piano music all day... I make him play for me all the time. He's gay

though, so that puts him out of the lineup. LOL

>lt was my passion, my life: total immersion in the world of Beethoven,

Schumann, Chopin.

 

Wow! I think that would require reading music and years of playing... waaaay

outta my league. I really liked lounge-type music when I first began. Now

I'm learning Leonard's music he composes, as it is THE most beautiful music

I've ever heard.... feels like it is straight from heaven.

>Then l got an incurable case of elbow tendonitis and had to

let go of it. lncredibly, it was over.

 

Now that really stinks. How long ago was that? Can you play at all for

even short periods of time?

>My relationship with music was broken. lt created a huge void, which led me

to turn to hatha yoga. Then a year into that, working with an lyengar

instructor, l'd wrecked my back and other areas, so that caused me to stop

hatha and turn to meditation. That caused the k experience, and l thought

"Finally ....this is where it was all leading ...great." Little did l know,

ha ha. The frustrations weren't over, but only just beginning. So, hope l'm

not sounding self indulgent here,

 

 

Not at all...

>but your little parable took me back to this. Have l had the wrong tempo all

this time?

 

That seems like a great possibility. (Anything is possible!)

 

The thought just occurred to me was that I can no longer meditate nor study

for long periods of time like I used to since my kundalini awakened. I

loved both and could study&meditate for hours! Apparently hours were too

much for me, and I had to eventually find some kind of balance I could

function with. I'm wondering if that might be the case for you also with

your piano? I don't mean to nose, just throwing some stuff at ya.

 

Do you teach or compose at all these days, or have any interest in that?

Leonard teaches me that if I become bored with anything I'm doing with the

piano -- even practice -- that I'm not supposed to be doing that. It means

I'm ready to go to the next step or do something else, as we continually like

to be challenged. I've noticed this is true. When he became bored with

playing everyone else's music, he asked himSelf what was he supposed to do

next... and next thing you know, he's getting allll this beautiful music in

his head he had to compose, along with lyrics.

>ls this the reason why so many great adventures have turned into

disappointing struggles? l've wondered from time to time, as l've been

struck by recurring patterns and have wished l'd done some things

differently.

 

I personally don't think we should ever give up our dreams of what we'd love

to do. But if it's not working, we've got to be open that there IS a

better way that will work. It may be completely different than we ever

thought. Once the way of joy is found, there are no obstacles.... this has

been true from my experiences.

 

With all your experiences, you may feel differently these days about what

you'd love to do. (?) I know study & meditation no longer interest me like

it did when my focus was forced to change.

 

About 20 yrs ago, I took 2 piano lessons and quit. I hated learning the

notes as it did not interest me. So I gave up my dream of ever playing the

piano. I didn't know then I had an inner teacher. :-) Now Leonard was

different. He began piano lessons and knew after the first one, he could not

learn to play that way. He knew there must be a better way, since he is not

one to give up easily on his loves. He asked himself how he could learn the

piano. So he taught himself in the style he liked, without having to learn

to read music. He's as much as an empath as me, so that may have something

to do with the way we learn.

 

I believe we are meant to do what we would love to do, and when we open our

mind to other possibilities when we've hit an obstacle, things just fall into

place. After over a month of practicing that one minute part I could not

get, I FINALLY asked myself ''there must be a better way!" That's when it

occurred to me to ask Leonard to play it for me to observe. I can't believe

I waited that long!

>But l've settled more into the belief that each disappointment,

each loss was my destiny -- that each one has forced me to go deeper into

myself, to look higher in my quest. Maybe l've chosen to believe this

because it's what l've needed to believe, it's enabled me to go on. Or maybe

both of the above are true.

*****

I like what ACIM says about this...... that we cannot distinguish between

advance and retreat. Some of our greatest advances we have judged as

failures, and some of our deepest retreats we have evaluated as success.

That goes along with what you are saying. I've seen this in my own life

too.

 

> Hey, who says the struggle is great? l don't use that word --

rewarding, maybe ...sometimes.

 

Not rewarding to me at all! Only to find there was no need to struggle is

what I usually find! LOL Damn amnesia.

>Thanks for a great post. :)

 

You are a sweetheart. Thanks for your response Jerry. I hope to hear you

play one day, even if for a moment.

 

Much Love,

xxxtg