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The Scariest Thing

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Since joining this list I seem to be in a mode of writing messages, only to

never send them. I get my thoughts typed out and then it all seems to be

meaningless - so I just delete them. Why clutter a perfectly good list. :-)

 

Let's see if this one makes it.

 

On the ND list I came across a message that asked: "What is the scariness

that you're feeling that you don't want to look at?" I really found that

interesting, in that I have known for quite some time what it is that I am

the most afraid of - myself. This is probably a bit off of the beaten path,

but I'll fill in a few details.

 

While I was growing up, I always felt out of place with those around me

because I had no identity like "everyone else". I would pick and choose

what parts of others that I wanted to become and became that. Those around

me seemed to demand that I become something, so I filled in the gaps, so to

speak. I felt that I was more of what others wanted versus being just plain

'ol me.

 

My initial entry to this list brought this reply: "Just be yourself." For

me, those are very dangerous and heart-warming words. As I grapple with

other people's baggage, that I have loaded on the cart for my own, I can

only be thankful for this list finding it's way to me. Between the voices

of imagination and the desire for greatness, I keep myself busy, knowing

full well that what we are cannot be otherwise - no matter what I do.

 

Shalom.

 

Paul

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