My story

[Guest guest]

Welcome Daniel,

Thanks for joining. I look forward to hearing about your life, and hope

you find some inspiration here. Born in the Czech Republic -- where are

you writing from now?

--Greg

Hello Greg and all others,

Thank you all.

I will try maybe for the first time describe my life, practise and

finally also myself to some people which I actually personally don't

know. I will try to finish my introduction and you can trust me that

I never made it before.

I am from Czech Republic(well was born). Czech Republic as you maybe

know is former communist country, which was under hard control of

Soviet Union. In the past our countries was enemies. Unbelievable,

hmm? I don't know how it could be possible at all. Today I'm just

laughing inside me and I forgave my father and all other people, that

they was not able to do something with this unnatural state of living

in our homeland. But this is past, today it's totally different time.

I was born in town named Ostrava, which was in the past very

industrial and mining town. But today I live in Prague, the capitol

of Czech Republic, and IMHO the most beautiful city in the world. So

Greg I am writing from Prague to you. I live here for one and half

year now. Well, maybe more. I live alone, I am single and my parents

and brothers are 350 kilometers away from me.

Here in Prague I met a lot of really spiritual people. And here I

found teaching or style of meditation called atmavicara. Before this

I was practising in buddhist way like a vippasana, metta and some

imaginations from tibetian buddhist tradition.

Well, I was practising and I found that my mind is very logic and that

I was brought up to use my brain for solving problems. My parent

always tried to teach me, that I have to be educated, clever and wise

and then when I will be like that my life will be good and full of

happiness. And I made like a child what I could to fill their hopes.

So now I know that my mind or my ability of insight is very good, but

in other side, it took some time than I found Heart.

While practising I earn some results in control of mind, and also I

found how to not to only control mind, but how to release my mind,

and I think this difference is very important. But then when I was

able to release my mind I found myself in strange state of

indifference or in Emptiness(better is Nothingness I think). Today I

know(or I think) that this feeling came from absence of compassion

and love to other people and even to myself, but in that time that

was miserable. I didn't know what to do next or else, but I

have(thanks God) one spiritual friend which tell me, that I have to

start to love other people like myself. And I realize that I can't to

love people, because I was so hard to myself, very strikt and even

cruel, that I actually didn't like myself for all that different

things in my mind and my neverending mistakes and I don't know what

else. This was like a flash.

After this understandning this spiritual task was easer that I

thought. It's not hard to love people, or have a compasion to them,

because here is so much suffering in this world and human being is so

complex being that human life is really hard to live. I have been

blind or evil or just ignorant, that I don't feel compassion to

others. ANd of course, word I was on the first place anytime

anywhere. But finally from big Grace of God I start to love people,

world, my and their lifes, I started to join my life. It's really

strange, but after this I find joy and peace by living my life. I

find what is joy of Existence. And this different name of this joy is

Love.

But again I did one little mistake. I was not observing situations of

suffering, but I went in this situations full of desire of help

others, full of desire to resolve their problems(well they teached me

this in the childhood) and when I finally open my eyes I found myself

in this suffering like suffering human, not like one who is above

this all, connected with suffering people in That, what this

suffering transcend. And I suffered more and more...

Than I found atmavicara, I found some texts of disciples of Ramana

Maharishi, here in Czech Republic live husbands(Eduard and Mila

Tomasovi) which are very old, but they are disciples or students of

Paul Brunton, which was disciple of Ramana, and they are doing great

work here for teaching of Ramana. Their books helped me to understand

what is atmavicara and what is goal of atmavicara. Then I also found

or was given me a link to Harsha's pages.

So I tried it. And, oh unbelievable, it WORKS!!! I practising

atmavicara for one year I think, but not every day. I have several

different kinds of meditation, but atmavicara is like permanent

backround program in the computer system.

This year it's about seven or eight years of my truth seeking. On this

seeking I found myself, my true home. If I can say what I feel to God

I can say only few words: gratitute, love and joy...

But there is one but here now again. And this is real reason why I was invite to share it with you.

Let me explain what I mean.

I hope this is not so long nad you are not sleeping yet, please let me

finish and this will be only once.

Today, I remain away from discussions about God, life, Universe,

world, suffering, about wars, politics, pain, bad harvest of potatoes

in Russia and if this is work of aliens or CIA. I made this in the

past, but last two years I don't feel any joy in this discussions. I

know what I know, I have some experiences which cannot be talked to

everyone. I don't dispute with my friends about any spiritual topics

if they don't start it with some question. I learnt how to keep mouth

closed. And in this silence something changed in me.

And people started to ask me. Yes this simple thing is worried me,

because I feel deep responsibility in that, what I said to them. And

I don't know what to do. Keep mouth closed or say I don't know, I

don't remeber or just try to explain that with deep insight of origin

of this question with risk, that it will be say in wrong way? Or leave

people for some time? Visit some monastery and stay there for some

time? Did anyone here had or have similar question inside like me and

could tell me what is good to do?

And in this time, today, I'm walking on this land, sharing my

experiences by my style of life, by my points of view. But I also

think that this is not filling of my life. I know what is that sense

of my life here, but for this reason I don't think yet that I have

any right to tell anybody what he or she has to do.

And this is I think comprehensive description of myself nad my life.

Thanks for your patience. Now you know a main part of my whole story.

For the beginning it seems to be enough.

Humbly,

Daniel