Hello, and lama rama ding dong...

[Guest guest]

Hello gentle friends-

 

I've returned from my vacation and will be slipping back under the

surface into the quiet world of lurkerville (what was that nudge? ...

A gator? Here in lurkerville? Oh well, at least he seems like a nice

gator. Perhaps I should feed him a morsel...)

 

Namaste, and it's good to be back-

 

Mike

 

I don't know whether or not you've seen this, but here's a nutritionless but

pleasing morsel:

 

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"This list comes from a contest sponsored by the web magazine Hundred

Mountain: a Journal of the Spirit and the Arts at www.hundredmountain.com"

 

WE HAD A GREAT RESPONSE to the first Hundred Mountain Contest. The contest

mission? We proposed that while the Dalai Lama is one of the greatest in the

line of Tibetan Dalai Lamas, there is a whole other school of lesser, and

perhaps slightly less illuminating, lamas little known to the West. Such as:

 

The Jolly Lama: An attempt to blend Tibetan Buddhism with the Santa Claus

tradition so as to appeal to more Westerners. He and his monks were easily

recognized by their red robes with white trim.

 

The Bali Lama: While many great Tibetan teachers settled in India or came

West, this one went to the sunny island of Bali, where he could usually be

found making sand mandalas under a beach umbrella, sipping iced butter tea.

 

The Harley Lama: 350 ccs of pure insight.

 

Hundred Mountain readers came up with some superb variations listed below.

 

(BUDDY) HOLLY LAMAS: This little known offshoot of the Dalai Lama is a small

band --- literally --- of wandering musician/monks who practice the Lama

Rama Dhamma. The group is easily recognized by their horned-rimmed glasses,

penny loafers and giant orange hats. They spread the dharma at bars and

small concerts of fellow seekers. With electrified thumb cymbals they blend

rock and roll with traditional Tibetan music to sold-out crowds. Their

current world tour features their new hit single, "Peggy Sutra."

 

DILLY DALLY LAMA: This Australian master is the 12th reincarnation of the

Bodhisattva of Procrastination. He lives at an undisclosed location in the

Australian Outback. To become a student of his, one must undergo the trial

of Beating Around the Bush, wherein the potential disciple wanders

throughout the Outback trying to get to The Pointe, the Dilly Dally Lama's

temple and home. Few people ever make it to The Pointe, and those who do

have missed the point of the teaching which, needless to say, is very

indirect and unspecific.

 

POLLY LAMA: This colorful Lama hails from the jungles of Central America. He

meditates by repeating phrases spoken to him and eschews the saffron robes

for brighter colors. He lives an ascetic life, eating little, and showing a

decided preference for crackers. (J. Michael Mollohan)

 

DOLLY LAMA: Seeking enlightenment through country music and meditating on

the cosmic significance of water slides in her natural habitat in the Great

Smoky Mountains, this robust-breasted soul comfortably seats two. (J.

Michael Mollohan)

 

OLLIE LAMA: Star of stage, screen and Tibetan mountaintops, when this guy

gets together with his sidekick, Monk Stan, it's nothing but crazy,

spiritual shenanigans. (Alexis Gannon)

 

VOLLEY LAMA: All he needed was a net and a wicked spike to lead his

followers. (Alexis Gannon)

 

MILLI VANILLI LAMA: Many spiritual leaders can talk the talk, but not walk

the walk. The Milli Vanilli Lama is reputed to not even be able to talk the

talk. (Tom Armstrong)

 

SILLY LAMA: Has a red putty nose on his original face. (Tom Armstrong)

 

DILI LAMA: Named after the capitol of his small nation (of East Timor) which

was invaded by an aggressive giant. Happily for the Dili Lama, the brave

international community intervened, assured the independence of his country

and the Dili Lama was able to return to his home in peace. (Tom Armstrong)

 

DELI LAMA: Famous for saying "Let's do lunch." (Vashti Stoltz)

 

HOLLY LAMA: Began a venerable and ancient tradition replacing the usual

stone-carved Buddhas with cheerful holiday topiaries. (No name)

 

HOURLY LAMA: Crafted an ultra-chic worship reminder that can be programmed

into Nokia, Qualcomm, and Motorola cell phones and most wristwatches. "In

the bus or in the boardroom, a gentle Om-chime alerts you to the hour." (No

Name)

 

FOLLY LAMA: This lama seeks enlightenment with an extraordinary zeal,

pursuing it through an understanding of mistakes he has made over and over

and over and .... (Jeff Seager)

 

WALLY LAMA: Lives a monastic lifestyle in community with such like-minded

devotees as the Lumpy Lama, the Eddie Lama, the Beav, Ward and June lamas.

(Jeff Seager)

 

WALLEYE LAMA: He's a hermit whose preferred meditation involves fishing.

Without a hook, of course. (Jeff Seager)

 

GOLLY LAMA: A simple guy from Mayberry with occasional profound insights, he

also is an accomplished singer you can sometimes catch on the local Oldies

station. (Jeff Seager)

 

FERNANDO LAMA: Far from the egoless enlightenment we all seek, but he looks

MAH-velous! (Jeff Seager)

 

DALI LAMA: One-time art student who used Buddhism to paint the minds and

imaginations of his students in the brightest of colours. Brought Buddhism

to Western Europe. Special emphasis on visualisations. (Sana Stevanovski)

 

DALLY LAMA: Always late for morning meditation and chanting, this lama was

living proof that time waits for no man. (Sana Stevanovski)

 

"SHALL I?" LAMA: Intended to start his own school of Buddhism based on the

absence of the self. Then, became unsure as to whether he, as a lama,would

therefore really exist and so gave the whole idea up. (Sana Stevanovski)

 

PUNCHIN' LAMA: Founded a school of Buddhism based on the art of self defense

and how to use these skills while escaping from attackers (and possible

kidnappers?) (Sana Stevanovski)

 

RAMEN LAMA: Formerly a Zen monk, this lama can be found at food stalls on

train stations in Tokyo, slurping down noodles and giving blessings to

passing commuters. (Sana Stevanovski)

 

LLAMA LAMA: He set up a site in the Andes and seeks solace via raising pack

animals to ease the burdens of the native people. (Peter Arroyo)

 

GOLLY-WALLY LAMA: The little brother of all the other Lamas. Golly Wally

managed to stay pure, open-eyed and enchanted in the midst of all the

miscommunications goings on around him. He's from the tradition of the

Bodhisatvas Ward and June, Cleavers of the veil of youthful ignorance. (Bear

Jack Gebhardt)

 

FOLLY LAMA: After years of foiling Maya and the many illusions brought forth

from the Three Poisons, this highly insightful adept overcame the greatest

of them all and became utter silliness, thus effectively defeating

Foolishness. (Lincoln Critchley)

 

THE DALI LAMA: Founded a practice that encourages followers to realize their

surreal self. Most noted for his feat of melting clocks while meditating on

the nonexistence of time. When practitioners reach enlightenment they

instantly sprout a thin, smile-shaped mustache and have a blissful wild-eyed

stare. The high teachers of this sect, however, are not what they appear to

be. (No name)

 

POLLY WANTA LAMA, the UNSINKABLE MOLLY LAMA and the DECK THE HALLS WITH VOWS

OF HOLLY LAMA: I met these lamas on the way to the Enlightenment Depot (Dave

Young)

 

DOLLY LLAMA: This South American guru realized the ultimate truth and

retired from the world. In order to emphasize the non-importance of the

self, he left his followers with a life-sized stuffed llama along with his

only teaching, "Break through this outer form and seek the answers within."

Every year his followers celebrate this momentous occasion by holding the

Dolly Llama Pinata Festival, during which they break through hundreds of

llama pinatas full of fortune cookies. However, the person who breaks open

the empty pinata wins a one month trip-for-one to a cave in the mountains.

(Anita Taylor)

 

COLLIE LAMA: Living in the mountains north of Los Angeles, this

compassionate canine teaches humans worldwide about unconditional love and

kindness. Better known to the western world as Lassie, generations have

learned about devotion and loyalty through his movies, television series and

stories, dating back to the early 1940s. (DeDe Bonhard)

 

THE DELI LAMA: He'll make you one with everything. (Michael Petra)